Wrecking the Database 4 (Log Horizon/Oreigaru)

Wrecking the Database 4 (Log Horizon/Oreigaru)

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Commissioned by: Weise

Wordcount: 2531

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“Things are bad, they’re about to get worse, and we all needed to start working yesterday.” That is a summary. Not a very detailed summary, but a good summary nonetheless. Komachi wouldn’t understand the intricacies of fantasy worlds, or MMORPGs well enough for the detailed summary anyway, so the former would’ve been a waste of time. After picking her up, and starting our journey back home, she needed to know what she needed to know, so that she can be an asset, instead of a liability. I’m sorry, my dear Imouto, but your Onii-chan really needs to scare you a little, so that you don’t ever die, okay? “No one else is fighting against the monsters. They’re spawning endlessly. The kingdoms are barely capable of holding back the monsters with their armies, because they never had to before.”

“But, didn’t we know all of that already?” Ah, my dear Imouto, you are wise beyond your years. In my panic, I might have forgotten that I’ve made a lot of wild claims in your presence. Most of those were just to scare you into fighting more seriously, leveling up faster, and getting out of my hair so that I can enjoy my Isekai adventure in peace. However, I am very sorry to say that I’ve tempted fate, and that cruel bitch has seen fit to bend me over a barrel. I literally asked for it, now I’m getting it, and all I can do now is plot to murder her at a later date. This is the start of my path of vengeance against reality itself, but I must first clear the first stage. Unfortunately. “What’s the difference now?”

“Because, I thought that monsters would be capped, which was stupid.” MMORPG players with infinite lives, against a set cap of monsters meant very little in terms of danger. All everyone would have to do to make the now-real NPCs happy would be going back to their old farming spots. The best problem to be solved is one that just needs you to do what you’re already doing, after all. However, that’s not the case. No, that was absolutely not the case. Finally, just one more time, I will once again allow myself to say: that is not the fucking case at all. “According to the historians, when Adventurers ceased to do their duty, monsters evolved, changed, and amassed. In short, they made Events happen in the game.”

“Events? But, aren’t those fun? Don’t you always disappear for a few days, never calling, visiting, or saying goodnight to your sweet little sister when Events happen, Gomi-chan?” Thankfully, I can avoid all those incriminating words, because our situation is terrible. At the very least, though we might be seeing massive amounts of slaughter in the near future, I can rest easy knowing that I can avoid being chastised by my Imouto. That’s not important at the moment Komachi-chan. Let’s focus on preparing for what might utterly devastate the continent, y’know? “Alright, Onii-chan. I’ll let you explain.”

And, explain I did.

Events are only fun and celebratory for people with superpowers, the inability to die, and don’t need any food whatsoever. NPCs don’t happen to enjoy any of those benefits, therefore the Events where players get tons of materials, gold, and new items are remembered in history as terrible trials and tribulations for the common folk. Each event, after all, involves some enemy, villain, or whatever rising up, being threatening, and doing evil deeds, so that players can enjoy doing something ‘right’ while they’re grinding down new enemies for XP, drops, and event items. 

In short, the problem is with human morality, ethics, and the wage-slave culture that has been ingrained into our psyches.

I mean, I pay for the game. So, instead of making my grind through events, why not just give me the stuff I want when I want it? I have no pride. Neither do I want to feel accomplished about jpegs that hit harder than other jpegs. Give me tough fights, the ability to customize my character, and an arsenal to choose from that’s fully upgraded and ready, that’s all I want. That’s what any sane, logical person would want. However, because of society, video games have been corrupted into places where one needs to work, grind, and rely on luck to push forward. 

Thus, the NPCs suffer from the unfair demands of society upon people.

Every event has to have a reason behind it. There needs to be a big bad, with lots of troops, and who have changed the world by bringing this or that as a means to hurt poor NPCs. Instead of just getting what we’ve earned by already contributing, due to society’s intent on turning everyone into wage slaves that make more wage slaves, we have to work even in our video games. We have to be the good person who defeats the boss. We have to kill all the troops. We have to protect the NPCs. But, what if we just got the weapon that the boss drops, and all the materials dropped by the troops? Wouldn’t the NPCs be happier if they didn’t get hurt? 

Well, wouldn’t they!?

Komachi’s hand on my shoulder stopped me.

Did I really say all of that aloud?

“Gomi-chan, you need to relax.” Oi, what’s with that look on your face. That look of utter pity makes me feel really bad. You know that I’m not a useless goddess, right? You should be agreeing with me, not looking at me with tears welling in your eyes, barely withheld for my own sake. Stop that. It’s making me feel really bad, y’know!? “I’m sure this isn’t a problem that we have to handle just by ourselves.”

“That’s… that’s true.” Given how worthless all the other players were, especially after Zaimokuza delivered me the news, I naturally believed that everyone else would continue to be worthless. That’s what any logical person would assume of a regular human being who plays MMORPGs. Typically speaking, unless you’re even more worthless than the average worthless person, i.e. Zaimokuza, I wholly suspect that being transferred over to another world, losing your family, and your whole life would mean shutting down. I’m fortunate to have Komachi with me, meaning that I haven’t lost my whole family. Anyway, my Imouto was correct. “We shouldn’t do this ourselves. We need to find people who can do it for us.”

Ah, apparently, I did not reach the correct conclusion, as Komachi began striking my back furiously.

Was this a Dead End Route?

Wait, she’s my sister!

She’s not a Route, she’s family!

“Stupid! Baka! Hachiman!” 

“Oi, don’t use my name as an insult!”

“We should do something about it! Not anyone else! Zaimokuza-chan told us everyone’s homesick and depressed after the Cataclysm, so who better to solve this problem than all of us?” Since I’m not an idiot, I knew Komachi wasn’t talking about just me and her. By us, she meant all my friends who were going to surprise me and spend time with me in Elder Tale, the night the new expansion came out. Again, since I’m not an idiot, that idea didn’t appeal to me whatsoever. “Hey! It’s a good idea, Onii-chan.” No, no matter how many times you appeal to me, with that fang of yours and that pout, that idea is stupid. Please, Komachi, remember that being cute doesn’t stop you from being stupid. It just means people will be more subtle about taking advantage of you. “I’m happy to be appreciated, but that’s not the problem! Why can’t we save the world, like all those trashy novels you read? Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do!?”

“I won’t deny that I read trash, but you have to admit you and everyone else are all trash.” Komachi is a socializer. She planned to have everyone I knew and didn’t hate to play with me in my favorite game when it was holding a huge event. That is a socialite’s action. My magnificent, talented little sister managed to gather a multitude of people, convince them to change their schedules, and, finally, spend time with me. That’s a feat that makes her greater than any Kami-sama could ever hope to be. Yes, my little sister is better than God. However, that doesn’t make her infallible. She sees people. I see people who aren’t at level cap, equipped with the best gear, and who intend to challenge the whole map and upcoming Events. “Zaimokuza and I can handle some problems, but you and everyone else? You’ll all be dead at the first mini-boss, let alone a raid.”

“So, make us all strong! You’ve made me strong, Onii-chan!” You’re using that line again, but in the wrong way! If you use that line for your own gain, whilst facing me, it’s hyper-effective and super cute. However, if you it for other people, it gets a 10 percent demerit for every person less cute than you, and an additional 10 percent for each one that isn’t blood-related! Using it for our parents means your appeal’s strength is reduced by twenty percent, but these other people you want me to work for? Your demerit’s way past 100%! Be glad that Totsuka’s existence removes some of that demerit, because he’s in the same group as them! I’ll gladly spend time with him every day for the rest of my life! “You’re great at this game, right? So, shouldn’t you be great now, too?”

Naturally, without the slightest hint of hesitation, I crushed that particular thought of Komachi without the slightest amount of hesitation.

Unfortunately, while that would stop other people in their tracks, Komachi is my Imouto.

“Fine, if you’re not willing to help, then I’ll keep us all safe without you!”

If I refused her, should I even think about abandoning her, then she’ll go headlong towards the destination anyway.

And, if I wanted to keep her safe, I needed to follow.

Not could. 

Needed.

Needless to say, I needed to get other people into high gear before she could get herself hurt.

…

Calling myself antisocial would erroneous, I have acquaintances, since humans are inherently social creatures. One spindly, furless ape is worthless without all the other spindly, non-furred apes. As much as society seeks to bring low the common individual, see them dashed against the and pulled into the corporate hierarchy until no semblance of individuality exists within them, civilization had certain benefits due to humanity’s need to interact. Games wouldn’t exist without other people. Neither would most forms of media. And, of course, there wouldn’t be much entertainment to be had at the suffering of people you know.

Like right now.

“Hikigaya, if you keep staring, I will gouge out your eyes.” Don’t you mean: Nyankigaya, if you nyan keep nyaning, I’ll nyanouge out your nyayes, Yukinoshita? My goodness, aren’t you precious. The ability to change yourself into another person, becoming someone else entirely, and all you do is make yourself a Nekomimi. Also, it’s cute that you’ve gone and made yourself a ranger. You thought that hooded, basic jacket would save you, didn’t you? Alas, the hoods have additions for your ears! It just makes it more obvious! “As always, you prove yourself to be the absolute basest of a human being. Your utterly, completely incorrigible.”

“Yeah, Senpai! Even if you pretend to be just laughing at us, I can tell you’re being creepy!” Baseless accusations, my now-literally-foxy Kouhai! I should’ve known you’d interfere here when given an opening! First, you get me to get you into my company by over exaggerating, and now you’ve followed me into my game world! Even if you aren’t hiding your tails right now, I’ll never forget the fact that you’re a Fox Tail! In fact, the real world is bugged! It must’ve been bugged in your favor, since everyone else would’ve been up to your tricks if they knew you were a Fox Tail to begin with! “See! You’re staring! You’re staring shamelessly at me! Do you think that being so interested in me would make me happy? I’m sorry, but you need to try again!”

“H-hey, Hikki, don’t stare so much, o-okay?” Yuigahama. I don’t even know what to say. The last time I’d seen you, you’d been a proper individual. However, you’ve made the mistake of choosing to be a female warrior in a MMORPG, while also choosing the Inu race. I bet you expected it to be safe and stylish, like everything you typically wear, nowadays. You have made a grave error in the absolute territory, armored leotard, and elbow-length gloved variety. For that, I laugh at you. I LAUGH. You should’ve picked Miko, unlike the vast majority of other MMOs, Elder Tale actually gives them traditional clothes! “H-hey! I said don’t stare! This is too weird, Hikki! Look away!”

However, as per usual, if something good ever happens… it’s usually at great expense to humanity as a whole.

“Hahaha, they’re all pretty cute, right Hachiman?” I bit my tongue, unfortunately my healing doesn’t allow me to choke and die on my own blood. That deep, bombastic voice, filled with maturity and manliness, is Totsuka’s. I do not want to look at the giant looming over my shoulder, who has his hand on my shoulder, and who’d certainly never fall asleep daintily on my shoulder. I despair. I fall into complete and utter despair. My despair is so great it can only be worded through haiku. Unrelenting frost. Existence is Cruelty. Saika is manly. Kyaah, I used his first name! No. It’s not the same. World, I demand you return Totsuka to me! Even, at the cost of my own life, I’ll gladly pay any price! “Even if this place is pretty scary, at least we have each other, right?”

The worlds that would normally melt my heart are ineffectual. Why? Because they’re being said by a bear! A bear! My pure angel Totsuka has been ruined! Why, why, why must there be such cruelty for every ounce of happiness? This isn’t even ying-yang or karmic balance. An uncute Totsuka is the equivalent of the hero being snuffed out, all hope lost, and the Demon Lord ruling over human cattle for the rest of eternity. Without a doubt, this is a dead end route for all of humanity. There’s no hope here. This timeline is the darkest, most dire, and will end up being purged from all of reality. The will of humanity itself will see the destruction of this parallel world, because there’s no hope to be had here and now! Without a doubt, we live in a world that will be purged from reality, due to the fact it is worthless. 

Unless… unless… unless I sacrifice my current happiness for the sake of the world.

I needed to let go of my happiness at the expense of Yukinoshita, Iroha, and Yuigahama for the sake of the world.

“Alright. I’m done. Which of you want an Appearance Reset Potion?” 

Even if it’ll take away all my current happiness, I had to risk it all for the chance to save everyone.

I’m such a good person.