Phantom: Interlude: A Song of Songs

Phantom: Interlude: A Song of Songs

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Commissioned by Blue Flaming Wings.

Word Count: 2603

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I wondered how one could ever overcome the notion of their happiness being founded upon death and suffering.

My alternate self, the individual also known as Li Song, but wiser, stronger, and better than myself had told me all I’d needed to know the moment the Silver Maiden’s name left his lips. His features, normally taciturn, yet never unapproachable, had turned into a rictus of shock and horror at the mere mentioning of her name. It was as though the puzzle I presented, as a Chieftain of the Tuzi in a world that was safe from the Chimera, had been solved… and the answer was an eldritch truth that appalled his sanity to the point of breaking.

He’d managed to say nothing, in his attempt to spare me from the truth, but he cannot fool me with the deception that he’d use upon himself.

No, though I hid my horror as he’d retreated to regather himself, I had seen both the hope and jealousy he’d looked upon me with die cruel, torturous deaths.

At first, at my mentioning of my history, he’d looked upon me avarice that I’d only seen before in a mirror. The life I led, as a Chieftain of the Tuzi, and with both wives and children, had piqued his hopes immensely. The notion of no longer having to fight with the Ebony Emperor had interested him as well, but that paled in comparison to the simpler achievement of settling down peacefully. It had been gratifying to see such a talented, superior version of myself feel jealous at my achievements. Though he’d slain Lucifer within moments of engagement, sealed him away, and now planned to overcome a prison from which I could never escape, what avarice I felt towards him waxed and waned with the knowledge that I achieved his dream, whilst he still fought.

But, now I knew that he fought for millions of lives that died without my intervention.

As I’d practiced how to sing, cajole, and mend spirits, he’d thrown himself headlong into battle, training, and pain. As I established my tribe once more, he’d continued his Yimin, discontent with his power and ability, and searched for purpose. When he was betrayed by the person I trusted the most, I settled down as a hero of a whole city. As he saved others, I saved myself.

Did I kill all those millions of people?

Is it correct to say that, because I did not do as he did, that an ocean of blood weighs upon me?

Logically, I knew that wasn’t the case.

I did not know.

I couldn’t have known.

I’d simply acted, and reacted, as well as I could.

Nevertheless, the moment I cease trying to reason, persuade, and convince myself, I want nothing more than weep.

I’d seen it in his face.

The words I didn’t want to acknowledge, but kept returning to the forefront of my mind.

My happiness is because of the suffering of multitudes of others, inflicted upon them by a god amongst gods, who judged them all unworthy of joy and life

Yet, I didn’t wish to fight against it.

I had everything to lose by fighting against the Silver Maiden. My family, my tribe, and my fledging alliances would all crumble and fade, should I endeavor to fight against the Silver Maiden. How many does she control now with that Longinus that allows the manipulation of the mind? Eight countries? Ten? All of them? I would have to face the entirety of the world, while my own companions can fall prey to her machinations, without victory being assured in the slightest.

However, how could I call myself Tuzi, if I couldn’t bear to face against a god amongst gods who ruled over the world?

I can feel it ebbing away from me. That gift of the ancestors for which centuries worth of blood, sweat, and tears were shed was fading away from me. I was lacking in determination to right the wrong I now knew existed. I ought to have no compulsion to ignore the Silver Maiden’s actions. I ought to be ready to return home to fight for the freedom of my reality. But, such feelings are not apparent within me, and when they arise I can only see the faces of my wives, lovers, and children. If I fought against the Silver Maiden, they will surely die, and I will be left alone.

I want to do what’s right.

I want to be the Tuzi who I must be.

Yet, I can only be such a person, if I stood upon the carcass of my own happiness.

Can I abandon my happiness? Would it be right to leave my wives and children open to an attack I cannot defend against? Should I drag them into a conflict where I am only driven by my ideals? Could I abandon my ideals, the traditions I raised, and the world entire for my family? That was what I needed to do if I didn’t fight against the Silver Maiden. Dare I infringe upon the Tuzi name, the gift passed on through generations, by not fighting against the very being the Tuzi are destined to never yield to?

Why?

Why did I have to choose between what I wanted and what I needed to do?

And, why must I choose after meeting him?

I saw with my own eyes the results of my actions. I saw power, righteousness, and will that transcends destiny. Without a shadow of a doubt, my alternate self is what I should be. A hero of mortals, who holds immense power, yet uses them for the benefit of all, and who seeks out evil and vanquishes it without incurring a single regret. Skilled in a myriad of subjects, merely capable in the skills that cannot compare to others, and able to stand tall in order to shoulder the world. I protected a whole city, but he’s holds humanity upon his shoulders, so that they can do more than simply survive.

Like a Chieftain ought to be, he stands at the pinnacle of all he encounters, equal to even the greatest of beings. However, he retains the qualities that a mortal must have, even if he is immortal himself. He has not lost himself to dogma. He yearns not for control nor conquest. He lives for himself, yet also fights for the sake of others. While he lost hope after my declaration, he found no fault in my own actions, though lesser individuals would’ve certainly seen fit to place the blame on me for the millions dead.

He is what I ought to be.

What I must be.

I need be.

But, I cannot stand the suffering it would take to take the first step towards becoming him.

Is this cowardice I feel? Or is it caution?

It matters not, because I know that if I do not take the first step towards striking down the Silver Maiden, I cannot claim myself to be a Tuzi any longer.

…

The vista is of an endless expanse bereft of color. A shade of white that emits a soft light that is not too harsh for the mind to comprehend. It is a place bereft of life, save for those in my own group, and it is a place where one can easily become lost to their thoughts. I yearned for something to do, besides wait to be called upon, so that I can do away with them, yet I did not find that possible. 

So, I grappled with the greatest issue of my life, in a place bereft of distraction.

Needless to say, I found it a hellish affair to the point where I considered speaking aloud to the comatose Lucifer.

My issue was a matter that did not only concern myself. It was something that my whole tribe had to have and say in. While I knew that I could decide my own fate, as both a member of the Tuzi and its Chieftain, I couldn’t consider fighting against the Silver Maiden on my own. I was evading the decision, but it remained through. The flux of my ancestral gift ebbed and flowed at a slower pace once I acknowledged that fact. Though I knew my tribe could no longer be called the Tuzi if we decided against fighting the Silver Maiden, I took heart in the possibility that they would choose to fight against her.

Still, while I’d come to that conclusion, I required a distraction that did not exist to cease pondering upon the matter.

Surprisingly, I found it in Hyoudou Issei.

Not the one that Li Song knew, but the one that came from an entirely parallel world, bereft of Chimera entirely, with an entirely different history, and where I and many others did not exist.

“Yeah, it’s strange, but I figure everything’s got a reason for happening. My world’s… not that great, but it’s better off than most.” The boy was very earnest. However, he had power. Plenty of it. More than I did. Perhaps, more than his counterpart did. But, he’d had years to gain his skills and abilities, whilst Li Song’s merely had a matter of months. “I mean, there’s billions more people alive over where I’m from, so even if humanity’s not that advanced or strong, I’m sure loads of us would prefer what we have.”

I didn’t wish to implicate him in my problems. I merely wanted a distraction. However, the more I spoke to this experienced warrior, I felt the need to share my concerns with him more and  more.

Like the Issei Hyoudou of Li Song, he had a way with his countenance that made one want to confess to him.

Still, I was able to resist doing so, and managed to ask him about Li Song.

“Ah, n-not you, right? You’re asking about the one who’s my other self’s friend?” The principles of our current situation aren’t ordinary, so his confusion is more than permissible. He didn’t even need to be considered forgiven. No one is prepared to travel to another world and become imprisoned with their other self. “Well, he’s ummm… different from you. He seems to have more weighing on him… not that you don’t! It’s just that he seems more sad about everything than you!”

I knew that. How could I not? While he seemed taciturn and calm to the passing eye, those who can read individuals can clearly see the truth with utter ease. Li Song carried a heavy weight upon his shoulders. One that would crush most individuals with utter ease. Standing at the head of a group of individuals who are the pinnacle of their race, he leads a group dedicated to ensuring the continued safety of the world, whilst ensuring that his actions do not lead people to seeing him as some sort of king. He was doing as our Ancestors did, killing monsters that plagued the people, and asking only for acknowledgement in return for his aid. Such an occupation, whilst resisting the urge for riches and glory, weighed upon the individual. No matter how strong he was, he was not almighty.

“Hey, don’t you think you should help him out with that? I mean, you’re a chieftain, right? You’re used to keeping people working and happy?” The question was earnest, but it sounded like a terrible joke to my ears. How could Li Song ever require my help? He was better than me in every way. Whatever I did, whatever I could teach, he could eclipse me in with utter ease in the span of a few weeks. “Like, the two of you are different! He’s strong with swords, and you’re good at talking, so you should help each other out with your strengths while you can, so everyone can be happy when they get back!”

Different? The words struck me with the force of a hammer. I had to force myself to keep the word from going unsaid.

That simple word didn’t disregard the fact that my world could be a better place, but it did put perspective into my actions. Could I have done Li Song did, and fought against the Silver Maiden, and slain countless Chimera on my own? No. Even in my current state, that would be suicide of the highest degree. While I could wield Occisor, I can never imagine using her as he now uses a mere fragment of her essence. He completely and utterly eclipses me in terms of skill and talent with the blade.

And, though that will forever be the case, I am more gifted than him in terms of speech.

Heading out to face the Silver Maiden head-on would bring only ruin upon me, my family, and all those I care about. However, what if I were to find another way? Another way that saw me using what talents I had, instead of what Li Song had. Though he saved the world, and billions of lives, and I have not, that doesn’t mean that I’ve lost. I can still fight, work, and plan for the Silver Maiden’s defeat. Though I was unable to save billions, because I was not talented in certain skills as him, I could act with the talents I have to undermine and fight against the Silver Maiden on my own terms.

I am not Li Song.

He is not me.

I am myself, as he is himself.

That distinction does not change the fact that horrors have inflicted itself upon my reality, that my happiness was born of suffering, but knowing that I can’t be of the same strength as him, thus being incapable of doing as he did, lifted the deaths of billions off of my shoulders. Something terrible, something that needs to be corrected, did occur and is still occurring, but it is not entirely due to my own actions. I cannot have acted as Li Song did, but he cannot act as I do in the world I now have.

The upcoming days will be harsh and dangerous, but it needn’t be the overt, final stand I thought it needed to be, with  entire clan at risk. It can be slow, silent, and careful. Putting what I have to use, avoiding the agents of the Silver Maiden as much as possible, I can ensure that she faces justice for her actions… whilst ensuring the world remained strong and safe.

First, however, I needed to return back home.

And, I couldn’t do that whilst speaking to my current companions.

Standing, I thanked Issei as sincerely as possible for how his earnest words reached me and brought clarity to my mind.

“Uhhh, don’t mention it?” Issei seemed bemused, but he could clearly tell that a weight had lifted off of my shoulders. He smiled upon me, scratched his cheek, and did his best to make his discomfort not show. It did, but I did not think less of him for it. Li Song chose his friends well, and I could only hope that I would meet this person before me in my world as well, as he proved to be a good, honest individual who can be trusted. “But, to be honest, I don’t know what I did.”

I wanted to give him an answer, but the thought of him forcing himself to be honest and earnest didn’t set well with me.

Merely offering him a smile, I went speedily towards Li Song.

The sooner I returned home, the quicker I can begin my plans to overthrow a god amongst gods.