Wrecking the Database 11 (Log Horizon/Oreigaru)

Wrecking the Database 11 (Log Horizon/Oreigaru)

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Commissioned by: Weise

Wordcount: 2600

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If you happen to be an immortal demigod with the ability to turn normal humans into paste, as well as the renown to back it up, you can get away with a lot of things. Sometimes, though, you forget that you’re special because of the fact that all the other people around you are special or could be special too. It’s a big, gigantic blow to one’s pride to know that there’s always a better player out there at max level, with cash shop items, and more talent.

Thankfully, at least for now, all those guys were in Akihabara and playing city simulator, so I didn’t need to deal with them while Yukinoshita went about speaking to the gathered nobility of the Eastal League of Free Cities. 

Thank you, Kami-sama for cursing my foes with shortsightedness. 

I will be the first Japanese person to make a shrine her in this world.

Please, continue to fuck over those high-spec characters who have had everything given to them… and those with more talent than me.

Thank you very much, 

Hikigaya Hachiman.

Anyway, Yukinoshita was technically speaking for herself, albeit with my support, and not the whole of Akihabara. In the grand scheme of things, if you have thousands and thousands of players running around, you’re not going to be impressed by a handful. People tended towards appreciating bigger numbers. If we had to compete with the Round Table, the Eastal League would drop us in a heartbeat, because what was a few Adventurers compared to a whole city’s worth? 

Our availability was what made us valuable and the moment a better piece of equipment came along we’d get dropped to save an item slot.

Essentially, we needed to make ourselves useful to the point where the Eastal League won’t sell us out to our fellow players, or drop us completely, when the time comes around that Akihabara pulls its head of the sand. Isolation wasn’t going to last for long. People’s personal caches of gold weren’t going to last, Adventurers were eventually going to head out again, and eventually contact would be made.

Our current advantages were temporary, but they were still advantages, and so we had to make the most use of them before they disappeared from our inventories. 

The majority of what we could provide was in the form of intelligence. In order of importance, what we could provide to the Eastal League was clarification on the situation, information regarding monsters and upcoming events, and how Landers and Adventurers needed each other.   The former was the least important because they were undoubtedly gathering information on their own, but being able to predict and delay events by focusing their militaries on targets and telling them of the symbiotic relationship between Landers and Adventurers?

Those two facts clarified here and now would set the tone of the future in its entirety. 

If Adventurers were the only ones who knew how the world worked, then the Landers would be naturally disadvantaged in every conceivable way. Should Adventurers seem to be utterly, completely in control of themselves without need of the Landers, then the Landers can do nothing besides beg and prostrate themselves before their new lords and masters. However, if they could hold their own against monsters and forestall events, and knew how to issue quests that activated the interfaces, then everything would change.

Even if Players can just farm monsters and earn EXP the hard way, quests always have better rewards and have set enemies at the very end. The Player that does quests for Landers will receive better rewards for the same amount of effort. 

Basically, we were betraying our fellow Players so that they didn’t have every advantage over the People of the Land.

But, again, humanity likes big numbers and I’m a human.

If we can acquire the support of a whole country, even if that country doesn’t have immortal demigods, it’s still the support of a whole country.

Oh, and I guess Eastal gets to protect itself from monsters more effectively.

That works too.

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Unsurprisingly, Yukinoshita did not need my help. After I’d said my piece and presented her, she took over the situation with ease. Some men would be miffed out of being not included in shaping the future of a whole civilization. Those men would be idiots who got massive, throbbing erections at the thought of deciding the course of history… without considering the fact that if something goes wrong they’ll be the first head impaled on a spike.

Yukinoshita was the daughter of a diet member, raised in a family that attempted to use her for political and economic gain, and survived to adulthood to become a prominent member/boss in a massive company that had little connection to her family. She did not throw away her connections and name out of some misguided sense of vengeance, but used it to prop herself up and succeed in the eyes of society while her blood relations could only stare in anger.

If there was anyone in the guild that can do what was needed amongst royalty and nobility, it would be Yukinoshita. 

Though I definitely would never let her die, if she did get put on the chopping block due to her mistakes, she’d survive.

Again, I defiantly would never let her die.

Mostly because I would have to apologize for not saving her on time, instead of mocking her about her failures, but in the end I still intended to save her life if she fucked up. That’s all that mattered right?

Anyway, while she stroked egos, provided information, and did whatever blasphemous, heretical things managers and bosses did in meetings to further burden their slaves, I was tending to my Hippogriff via feed freely provided by the castle. Not only was I taking care of a massive monster that could eat me, but it was soft, fluffy, and ate my enemies, while somebody else was working to make my life easier.

Overall, I was having a pretty good time while someone else handled the hard work, which is undoubtedly the best way to spend time. I’m getting things done by having another person work in my stead, while I’m doing what I want.

It’s amazing. 

More people should try it out.

People who aren’t me, of course, because that’d mean I’d have to work too.

Still, thought, there were inane things that I needed to do besides feed my giant, awesome warbeast that belonged to me. What were said inane things? Oh, just curry favor with the princess of the Duke who was technically leading the Eastal League. What? That’s not something that’s inane? Well, I’d like you to say that to my giant, awesome, carnivorous warbeast that descends from the heavens when I blow into a horn.

Hmmm?

What was that?

You didn’t say anything?

That’s right.

I’ve chosen to further befriend and become closer to a hippogriff capable of going anywhere on the continent within a few days. Your arguments that meeting with a stock princess is incredibly invalid. I might be a corporate slave who wanted to indulge in a fantasy world in a manner that most isekai protagonists never would, or only would to be edgy and mature, but a princess of a Dukedom? Ignoring the fact that I live on a continent with elves, nekomimi, and half-alves making her  so painfully basic it hurts… but what about the obvious baggage involved?

This girl was spending time with me because the Duke obviously wanted me to be impressed by her and form relations with her. It’s the classic medieval usage of a woman to seduce and bind a man to your family. Plainly speaking, it was a trap. Not even a cute trap, which can be forgiven, but a trap that’s just a generic beauty who can barely talk around other people. If I touched her, Yukinoshita’s work would go to shit, because our relationship with Eastal would be through the lens that I had relations with the princess..

In short, I and my friends had everything lose by interacting with Princes Ray-whatever, while her appeal was vastly below the necessary threshold.

No thanks.

I suppose I should be thankful that the Duke made it so obvious.

Anyway, my choice regarding the princess is to interact with her as minimally as possible, bother her as little as possible, and have her go on to be used to seduce someone else.  

Sorry, princess-chan, but you’ll have to be used by your father to seduce someone else. I’ll be taking care of my epic mount of flying death instead of being an idiot.

I wonder if I’m nice enough to him, he’ll come to my rescue from the heavens or just start picking off my enemies when I ask him to?

Heh. That would be awesome.

Though, even if he didn’t all those things, it was still for the best that I kept him happy, well-groomed, and well-fed.

That was just the smart thing to do.

Naturally, during the moment when I decided that I should meet the minimum requirement of social interaction possible, a screen popped up before me declaring that I just suddenly developed a new skill from literally nothing.

As expected of my luck, even when I win I lose.

…

The Gloomy Melancholic Princess was unsurprisingly a beauty amongst beauties. It was only natural that the princess in a video game would be pretty. Just like how the leader of the nation would be some older gentleman that meets subjects in full regalia with a head weighed down by gold, the princess had to be beautiful, special, and different so that male players could lust after her and female players would like to be friends with her. Of course, there was also the fact that good character design meant fanart and fanart is a good way to introduce others to your game.

Naturally, there’s a massive influx of female avatars after every comiket.

However, I digress.

What I mean to say is that I’m only human. 

While the Gloomy Melancholic Princess is basic compared to the exotic opportunities that lie outside of my reach due to the presence of individuals who know me IRL, whose lives I am only saving now so that I have the pleasure of betraying them painfully later on, she’s still pretty. Under normal circumstances, I suspect that I’ll only be able to exchange small talk, mumble beneath my breath, and die a little inside as I try to not take advantage of my reputation as a living legend. As much as I talk about not being stupid enough to fall for an obvious trap, the fact remains that the bait was tempting, thus I would normally have a hard time resisting.

Damn eroges and damn dating sims… having picturesque, game-standard beauties before me in a setting where I can access menus is cheating!  3D girls are supposed to be scary! Just because this 3D girl before me is in a setting where I’m stupidly strong, it doesn’t mean that I should have confidence! That makes no sense! Give me back my crippling lack of self-esteem this instant, it’s my best asset against avoiding traps like this! Get rid of this confidence while you’re at it. It’s annoying and tempting me at the same time. It’s like I have my ancestors on my back egging me on to not lose an opportunity. This is freaking cheating!

Or, rather, it would be cheating if I wasn’t so pissed about not being able to study my new Skill in detail.

By all means, it was taking everything I had to not start a diplomatic incident and ruin our current gains by running off to rub into Zaimokuza’s face that I discovered something new about the game, while his entire Guild left him.

Nothing quite like spite and one-upmanship to utterly destroy a girl’s appeal. 

I’ve lost many opportunities to have close relations with exceptionally beautiful woman, I can easily sacrifice another to have a chance at making Zaimokuza cry. In short, every second I was spending with this generic fapbait was a second I could be using to utterly crush the roack-like thing that remained of Zaimokuza’s pride and dignity.

I wanted out yesterday.

But, there was no way this proper princess was ever going to let me—

“If you want to leave, you should now that my minders are gone.”

Eh.

I looked at the princess again. 

“Well? They might not notice, but I do. If you want to leave, then you should, because I don’t want to spend time with you either.”

This speech pattern. That look of utter disgust. The faraway gaze.

“If you believe I am wasting your time, there is no reason for us to interact. Just leave, please.”

I combined what I was seeing with the rumors I heard, then put everything through the lens of royalty and being pretty.

“Ah, you’re a shut-it and anti-social.” I was tempted to snap my fingers, so I did. It wasn’t like I could get mocked for it. Yukinoshita was nowhere near to deliver a snide comment. “But, because you’re pretty and rich, people see it as something special. What a lucky bitch you are.”

“So, you’re less lucky because you’re only powerful and immortal?” Ooh, wit. Now, I’m not implying that I didn’t expect former-NPCs to be smart. I’m implying that I don’t expect anyone to be smart. Generally, I assume that I’m the smartest in the room until I’m disastrously proven otherwise. It’s a really bad habit, but sometimes it pays off, and I don’t feel like stopping. Huh, now that I think about it, she just called me poor and ugly. 10/10. “So, I suppose that would make you a somewhat-fortunate bastard?”

Huh, well aren’t you more interesting than I thought, Corwen-san.

Instead of a generic princess, it seems I’ve happened upon someone important.

Someone who could potentially be important in future events.

While the Landers all appeared to be real people now, the fact remains that NPCs have different levels of importance. A duke of a whole fief means as much as a generic farmer, if they barely have an characterization or dialogue.

This Princess Corwen meanwhile, acted differently from what she was supposed to be, despite being able to act like a Princess in the eyes of others. That duplicity alone was worth investigating, because it’s more effort than anyone would put into a useless NPC. And, of course, if regular NPCs were now people who can grow, adapt, and change, what can be said about an NPC who was more important and different from the rest gaining the same abilities?

As much as I wanted to go rub Zaimokuza’s face into the mud, I couldn’t let this go.

“Hmmm, no. I think I’ll stay. You might actually be worth my time.” The only way to confirm was to verify. So, verify I will. I settled comfortably into my seat in the garden, while the maids returned with reheated tea and pastries. I was going to dismiss them and ask to speak with the princess privately, allowing whatever rumors to form as they will, because as far as I was concerned Corwen-san’s existence could be as important as knowing how to get Quests. “Tell me about yourself, please.”

Ah, that’s underselling it.

She might be the key gaining access to the Main Quest of the Expansion.

If she was, then there was no way I was going to let her go so easily.

No matter what she wanted.