Dhamphir Side Stories: Shizi

Dhamphir Side Stories: Shizi: Cosplay

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Commissioned by Sivantic

Wordcount: 1000

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“Is Li Song into cosplay?”

The question arrived without care and compassion. It was nearly logical in its delivery, so much so that it was nearly answered without thought. However, the bluntness that encapsulated it made it so that I had a moment to process the question, before I made a terrible, incredible mistake. Since I was abel to comprehend the question, instead of answering thoughtlessly, I was able to react the proper way to the aforementioned inquiry.

“What the fuck, Quarta?” We were fighting against the True Vampire who had centuries of experience and skill. To say that we were fighting a being on par with the Jade Emperor would be incorrect. The head of the Vladi household was paranoid and fearful, which made him put impeccable amounts of talent, wealth, and time into cultivating his strength. This man we were currently fighting together, alongside Argenot and Gasper Vladi, was stronger than the being I’d been taught to see as above all other things as a child. “Why are you asking that now!?”

Fire, lightning, and wind surged around the battlefield like an errant tempest. More of a force of nature than a man, our foe was incredibly powerful. We were on the precipice of loss, our attacks could not yet hit, and we were struggling to discern a method to weaken our foe. Naturally, after my discourteous words regarding the matter, I’d thought that Xenovia Quarta would simply be silent, as she would read the mood and know that it was not the time for such questions.

I was wrong.

“You are wearing a what is akin to a French maid outfit into battle, albeit less risqué, and you are perfectly playing the part you’ve been given. I assume that it is because Li Song likes it, so you do your best to please him, due to how you will be well rewarded after the battle.” Again, Quarta’s words were an insufferable mix of logic and bluntness. It was also obvious that the Exorcist was trying to peruse me for information in order to appeal to Li. Though I doing my utmost to stay alive against torrents of magic and power, I was finding myself more frustrated with my partner in combat, instead of the battle. “If I want to increase my appeal, should I cosplay too? If he likes the classics, should I go with a school swimsuit? Perhaps, I should attempt the legendary naked apron?”

I found an opening, despite the two current situations both testing my will to live in entirely different manners.

Silver Magnum fired a streak of sorcerous energies, which disrupted both space and time in its path. The tempest of fire, lighting, and wind that surrounded our foe was dense enough in magic that it acted as a formidable defense, exhausting shots that connected within the blazing torrent that continuously ravaged the battlefield. Though my weapon certainly had much power to spare, thanks to the Homunculus therein, I could not punch through the defense of my foe… unless I found a gap bereft of magic.

There was no other weapon I desired, besides Silver Magnum. Continuously able to adapt and grow stronger, as well as use other forms of magic, she was a great partner to have on the battlefield. If needed, she could use magic herself to save my life, though that was thankfully not required at all. However, that is not to say that I didn’t have complaints to make about her.

“Yo, I can’t help but overhear, since I’m right here, so I’mma give my two cents! Me and the gals think the Li Song’s out there for personality, right? So, Miss Quarta, there’s no need for you to change… though you in a school swimsuit would be pretty hot!” Silver did NOT require the ability to speak during battle. I was more than capable of interpreting the conditions of battles on my own, given all my experience, so I did not require someone advising me while I approached my objectives in battle. However, insufferably, the only way to remove her means to communicate was within her reach. “Personally, I think Shizi just likes being super cute and appealing, you know? She usually wears suits, but when you want to feel girly and attract attention, you dress differently, right? I think she likes it when Li Song’s paying attention to her!”

“So, though it is not required, putting on clothes that appeal to Li Song would help nonetheless. Given my appeal, I should probably consider competitive swimwear instead of school swimwear, should I not? I am confident in my ability to wear high leotards and my rear.” Those are not the words one blocking a counterattack from a True Vampire should be saying! Nor should they be leaving the mouth of an Exorcist of the Catholic Church! Repent this instant. Prostrate yourself before all the exorcists and human champions you shame, by blocking a pillar of lightning with the back of your blade and saying such things! “Since, Shizi has captured his interest in grace and litheness, I should appeal to him by being healthy and robust in everything, should I not?”

Grace…

Litheness…

“I am perfectly normal in my body! It’s all the rest of the Preservers, especially the humans, that are strange!” Humans, when I was first born, were not at the peak of health thanks to scientific achievements in genetic modification! Humans of my period in history were smaller, weaker, and with illnesses of the body! Now, even those who are unkempt and careless look akin to those perfectly average of those in the past. Those who were actually attractive? They bordered on supernatural in terms of beauty. “In the past, I would be considered fair and beautiful and robust! It’s simply that humans have changed rapidly due to various means!”

It took me a moment to realize that I have spoken without thinking.

Stress lifted from my shoulders when I simply decided to join in on the madness. 

At my words, Quarta looked at me with a wide gaze, then bowed her head, while brushing aside a torrent of flame that would have destroyed a building with ease.

“I apologize. I didn't mean to imply you were flat.” 

“Then, be more courteous! Learn how to speak, instead of just saying things without thinking!”

“No such thing existed within the Church. Can you teach me, Shizi?”

“If I could teach Li to stay quiet instead of saying something stupid, then I could do the same to you!”

“Ah, you have my thanks.”

I couldn’t help but lament the fact that there was no way to stay sane amongst the Preservers.

One must either bend or break within the storm of inestimable idiocy that did good works that it was.