Hisano Side Story: Kaa-san.

Hisano Side Story: Kaa-san.

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Commissioned by Citino

Wordcount: 1000

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“Oh, what the fuck.”

There are few things in life that I want to happen everyday. Fuck, sometimes I don’t want life to happen everyday. However, without a doubt, after a long day of work, I at least want my home to be somewhat sane when I return. That’s why I had a bunch of people working for me, eating up my cash, and handling unnecessary shit. The only chore I did in my house is cook. Cleaning and other menial shit are all done before I get home by the people I’m paying for and housing.

So, when I get home to a fucking battlefield with Sasaki, Ms. Black Hole, and Jailbait dead on the floor and surrounded by a giant mess, I’m about as pissed as a man can get when he finds his day to be shit at both the start and end.

Pretty. Fucking. Pissed.

Unfortunately, my sense of preservation existed, so even though my home was in damn ruins, I couldn’t exactly get angry at the three who obviously caused it all.

But I could get angry at the little shit who was surrounded by gifts five paces away from epicenter of disaster.

No. That wasn’t a fat joke regarding the three females a I share my house with.

I’m spiteful. Not stupid.

“Alright, in fifty words or less, explain what the fuck happened here, kid.” Hisano was just there, munching on some snacks. She sat on a throne of toys and misbegotten gifts. How the three idiots managed to get so much shit in my house in single day, I didn’t know, but I wasn’t about to ask question, especially since MY wallet was perfectly safe. “Don’t lie either. I know you did this. You’re the only person in this house that can put these forces of nature against one another.”

I expected something inane and stupid.

“Ah, I called Angela, Kaa-san.”

Instead, the trumpets that heralded the apocalypse rang in my ears.

“Fuck.” Shit. Fuck. Shit. Oh, fuck. Wait. Calm down. Take a deep breath. No. In and out. Alright, you idiot, compose yourself. It undeniable that the metaphorical top of the volcano’s entered orbit, but this isn’t the end. None of this is your fault. It’s Hisano’s fault. But, given the fact she’s Hisano, that means its your fault. BRAIN, IF I WANT YOUR OPINION, I’LL ASK FOR IT! Back to being delusional. “So, are you going to run away with me or are you going to try and handle this situation yourself, kid?”

Trick question.

Why?

Because, I was already turning on my heel and starting to run as fast my shitty body could, before the last word was out of my mouth.

However, as I started to walk away, I found my ankle grabbed. My good ankle. The only ankle that I had, but it was still my good ankle.

Dammit!  

The Russian orphan with dreams of having a soccer team is the first one awake.

“Kita-kun…” Oi, oi, oi! That sort of tone is reserved for people who aren’t me, Ioseva. See what you just did there? I called you by your family names, instead of calling you the caloric equivalent of a black hole. That’s a seriously dangerous thing for a young woman to do. Take it back this instant, with a disgusted look on your face,  and I’m sure that I’ll be able to forget in a few years. Actually, do it without a disgusted look, so it lasts only a year. “I got called mother first!”

Upon hearing those words, the other two dead corpses returned to life. Dammit, I was sure that I sealed away all the berserker magics in existence, so what the heck is all this shit!? They’re getting up after they’re dead and look scary as fuck! Don’t tell me that they managed to figure it out by themselves in just a few years? I spent decades making those so that even weaklings could die for me, you know!? If it’s really that easy to remake, I can’t help but feel the need to cry, you know!?

“I… can still fight!” Those aren’t words that should be coming out of your mouth, Elma! Nor should you even know how to stand purely on willpower alone. You and I are both mages. Tricks like that are held in reserve, so that we can fuck people up when they think we’re worthless in close combat. Combine that with that berserk rage you’ve got and you’ve got a pretty good ace-in-the-hole, so put that shit back up your sleeve and straighten yourself up, so you don’t look like a freak standing up with your back completely bent! “This isn’t over yet!”

“I… agree!” No! You’re normal. Stop that this instant. Be the sane, stable Sasaki. I don’t know who you are, but you’re certainly not the normal, childhood friend I’ve had for the longest time. Give her back this instant. I don’t care about how you’re breathing like some martial artist teetering on the brink of death, and standing on your bones like a martial arts master without any stamina, even though that’s super fucking awesome,go back to normal this insant! “That title is… mine!”
“Never!” You don’t get a say, Ioseva! Let go of my leg!

“It is!” Not you, either! Leave my arm alone, Sasaki!

“Mine!” BACK OFF, JAILBAIT! GET OFF. GET OFF. GET OFF MY BAAACCKKK. AHHHHHHH.

I struggled to hold up the apocalypse, doing my utmost to hold up the sky, while the only source of help I possibly had was the cause of the issue in the first place. She just kept sitting on her throne of skulls (toys) and played with a man’s heart (portable gaming device) without the slightest bit of interest in my situation. She was just sitting there… LAZILY. Dammit!

“Hmmm? But, you like playing with them after work right? So, isn’t this good?”

Nevermind, she was lying her ass off too!

No one sane would enjoy something like this!