AGG: Rise Highschool AU 6

AGG: Rise Highschool AU 6

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Commissioned by IhaxlikeNoob

Wordcount: 2500

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We decided to relocate to somewhere safer, instead of trying our luck school. Unfortunately for my luck, the only place where no one we knew would find us was a place I was going to be killed. One does not walk into the local Akihabara district with a group of girls and not receive hate from every human being they pass. It really hurt to feel the hateful scorn directed my way by my fellow Otaku. People who I’ve known all my life, who I spoke ton more than one occasion, glared at me from the shadows. 

For some reason, I had a feeling I’d be receiving more than glares from everyone if Argento didn’t have something suddenly came up with Quarta-san. 

But if I had to choose between being socially dead to otaku and dying for real, I was going to take dead to otaku everytime! 

The real issue was staying alive, despite the fact I was leading a group of people through otaku-land who all intended to kill me. 

“Heeyy, Issei is that one of those maid cafes that everyone’s talking about? Are you into that? If you are we should go! Maybe, I can borrow one, too!”  Bael was the most direct of the entire group. She clung to my arm with a smile, pointed everything out, and was ruthlessly searching for weaknesses to exploit. In her free arm, she held a bag of things I stared at for a second too long. I cannot name them. No. I shall not think of them, because I fear for my sanity. “What do you think, Kuroka-chan? Issei’s into maids, right? We can totes cheer him up by being his maids, right?”

“My, my, what a wonderful idea. What do you think, Issei-kun? Should Saria and I… dress one another so we can make you the happiest man in the world.” Kuroka was direct too, but her approach was like a knife instead of a broadsword. Smiling as she walked and leaned to whisper into my ear at the same time, her voice and front threatened my ability to think rationally, even while she assault my brain with a message she could only convey. I didn’t know how any of Shirone’s family could be lewd, but she was! “Or would you prefer something else? A school teacher, maybe? A shrine maid? Or, perhaps, simply an apron?”

Thankfully, I had ally amongst my gathered group.

“Eh? But that maid cafe only has three stars. There’s no way they’ll be able to properly handle a party of our size.The ones Miyakuro manages are better, even if he’s a bastard and charges the highest prices, his is top quality.” Rias walked to my right. She abandoned her school persona, tying her school jacket around her waist, pulling up her hair, and donning her massive reading glasses while twiddling on her phone that outshone the sun itself. “I doubt that they’ll be able to provide ara-ara outfits, either. They’re just a budget destination. Not an actual, quality establishment. I’d give them two-and-a-half stars, personally. Pretenders who are just out for money and don’t even try should just be shut down.” 

Rias Gremory is an otaku amongst otakus. A girl with such a title would be looked down upon by most, but all those who faced her thinking that she was a joke were left broken and dead on the streets. Well, no, actually they all groveled before her superior wisdom and greatness, but that’s beside the point. At school, she and Aria are among the very best of the year, as well as the top of their cram schools. Aria’s free time is spent learning business, innovating ways to avoid Li, and look at pictures of Li.

Rias?

Rias was a defacto blogger of all things Otaku, a woman who played very eroge and every main release game, and reviewed every establishment. Once, a joke about her being Destruction made manifest arose on her blog, because people thought that she would crash and burn due to her habits. However, instead she monetized the term, took the challenge, and wore the title with pride atop a mountain of defeated trolls. 

She was truly an otaku amongst otaku and I relied upon her here more than ever. 

But she was a double edged sword.

“Issei, if we’re here with a group this big. We need to do all of the escape rooms. Trust me, they won’t get the references, since they’re outsiders.” They might not get the references, but they’ll understand the lewdness, Rias! In fact, since the escape rooms are all based off of Ecchi serializations, only the two of us will understand the good, plot-related references while our friends only see lewdness! That is not okay! Heel! Back off! Where’s my water spritzer  when I need it the most, dammit!? “Look into your heart. The day will never come when we can pretend to have a harem of girls in a highschool, battleharem escape room. Do you want to do it with just dudes, huh? Think about it, Issie-kun. Think. About. It.” 

Forget about being a double-edged sword, Rias is definitely, absolutely just cursed! 

And only miracles can dispel curses.

“Look over there! It’s a Fuj*wara garage kit!”

“WHERE!?” The words only worked once, but it managed to get Rias’s attention, as well as the rest of the street. I would’ve been a fool to make it a mere distraction, so the garage kit figurine actually existed. Many of the surrounding otaku thought I lied at first, but Rias’s keen eyes followed my wavering finger. She saw the tiny show sandwiched between two larger ones… that had the figurine kit I’d been hiding for weeks at a bottom shelf until I could manage to scrounge enough money and time to buy itself. Upon seeing it, Rias stood stock still… and removed her glasses. “Issei-kun… wish me luck. I’m going to buy that kit, which has obviously been hidden by some poor being who lacked the funds to purchase it himself.”

The words hurt, but I endured them as the price required to distract Rias. 

She broke into a dead sprint a moment after, charging towards the store, with most of the Otaku in the shadows running after her.

Ganbare, my friend. 

“Okay, guys, we need to go away now before she returns and starts painting that figure right in front of us.”

“Uhh… Senpai? Kuroka and Saria ran to buy that thing for you, too.”

I considered Eli’s words for a moment, before nodding to myself, as I considered the fact my support group was suddenly just me and Eli.

“Okay, let’s get out of here before they all come back. It’ll just have to be the two of us, again.”

“EH!?”

Yep, without a doubt, it should just be me and Eli on this mission!

…

“Isn’t this supposed to be one of those episodes where the guy and girl somehow end up in a dressing room together?” Eli mused while I handed her a cone of ice cream. Thinking properly required fuel. Regular ice cream from a convenience store wasn’t that expensive either. Doing the paper route was more than enough to get a few treats every now and again! “Or, am I not main girl material enough for that? I mean, you didn’t even get my a popsicle, senpai.” 

Also, my kouhai raised some very worrying points.

“Eli, don’t ever believe that you’re not the main character of your own story. Even if it’s a shoujo manga without love interest yet, I’m sure that you’re the MC of your own life.” I’d like to think that I’m the MC of my own life. To be honest, I was just telling her what I wanted other people to tell me.  Yes, without a doubt, I wanted my Li Song route to open up--no, no, nope. I meant to say that I want other people to tell me that I’m the MC in my own manga. “Relax. Be happy. Don’t let the absolute dread and denial set it. Never let it set in.”

“...You know what, that’s creepy enough for me to just appreciate my ice cream. Thanks for saying those worrisome things, senpai.” Eli shook her head and smiled. Our journey away from the rest of the group had been a short one. We were only fifteen paces away from the chaos I’d created amongst the Otaku community, Kuroka, and Bael. I actually just took Eli out of harm’s way and got her a snack. It would be rude to run away from people who just wanted to help me, after all. “So, how’ll the blitzkrieg against Lidiot’s harem will go? Are we going full bore relationship genocide or just estableshing the Siegfried Cockblock Wall?” 

I wanted those plans.

Not the names, but the intent.

For the sake of making Coda and Song happy, though, I couldn’t accept them.

“No, Little Miss Hitler, we need to unite Europe while it teeters on the edge of destruction.”

“...You realize that appeasement didn’t exactly work, right? That blew up in everyone’s faces, you know?”

A part of me knew that keeping everyone together and happy was nearly impossible. The simple fact was that too many people were after Li for one reason or another. Some wanted him because they loved him, others because of what he represented, and then there were weirdos like Aria who couldn’t decide between one or the other… it’s a massive mess that’s about to boil over and ruin the stovetop. 

But we needed to try.

And, first, we needed to destroy Valerie’s relationship with Song immediately. 

“Okay. I have to admit that I don’t know where you’re going, especially since you shot down my genocide plan. This is how my plan would’ve  started, you know? We just get rid of all the girls that like Lidiot and let him be with the one he likes. Naturally, we’d need to deal with Valerie Creighton first, because she’s a freak.”

That was completely correct. Valerie Creighton is an individual who can’t be allowed to interact with Li Song for any extensive period of time. Whenever the two are together, the fabric of time and space seems to unwind and our high-school romcom becomes something else entirely. It’s like the world itself rejects the chance that they can be anything more than friends, so it changes the genre on purpose to fuck with everyone and everything around them.

“...Okay, I’ll admit it. You’ve lost me.”

Valerie Creighton and Li Song are too serious with one another. Any situation that surrounds them kills of anything resembling comedy, lightheartedness, and fluff. Where those two come together, whenever they interact, a little bit of the world’s happiness is destroyed forever. 

“Now, I’m worried that you’re not joking anymore.”

Yes. That’s the point. I don’t know if I’m joking anymore either. Why? Why does this happen? I pride myself in being lighthearted and calm, but when those two are concerned all I feel is the need to run away. I should be planning to make them reconcile, but all I see when they’re together is a bomb about to go off. Even though they blatantly like one another, it’s almost like they’d rather die than surrender to their feelings--

“Eh, isn’t that just sexual tension?” Rias decided to arrive, say her piece, and melt my brain. Eli blinked at the words as well. Given her vast and superior intellect, she was able to understand those words instead of experiencing a mental blue screen. I tried to see what Rais meant, as she sat down and cradled her figure lovingly and protectively, but my mind simply turned up blank. What is life? Why do we exist? Is all just so that we can suffer? “Issei, I know that you don’t approve of Valerie, but Li-kun likes her. Just because the two of you are archrivals doesn’t give you the right to get rid of her, you know?”

“Eh, senpai’s archrival is the school’s number 1? How?” Eli’s words somehow hurt more than Rias’s speech. Even though my childhood friend pointed out my dislike for Zvalerie Creighton, it was my beloved kouhai not believing that I could compete with Creighton that destroyed my spirit. Kill me. End my life. Ahhhh. “Senpai’s will to live has gone to zero!? Come back, Is-Hyoudou-kun!” 

I can’t… I can’t… I can’t approve of Valerie Creighton! She’s such a boring, OP character! I mean, sure her backstory is an adopted girl who’se chosen to go overseas to make her own path, but isn’t that stupid in the first place? She has an adopted family that loves her, but she chooses to leave them so that they don’t worry about her future being under their shadow? What the heck!? It makes no sense! She’s an ojou-sama character who isn’t haughty, a tutor character who isn’t flirty, and a best friend that just smiles and does nothing when her love interest does something with other girls! She’s… she’s so boring!

Rias hit me in the back of the head. Not with the collector’s garage kit, but with the back of her hand. 

“Ise. We don’t shame people for their choices. We help them make better decisions. And, face it, even if Valerie’s boring there’s nothing wrong with her.”

“This entire conversation has gone over my head for the last fifteen minutes, guys. For the sake of efficiency, can a girl get some bullet points?”

Rias was right. It’s not my place to judge. What I needed to do was help Li and help Li I shall. Valerie Creighton didn’t need to get picked out of his life, even though she made it so complicated, but she needed to be handled nonetheless.

“And, I am once again forgotten. I guess this is what I get for asking for ice cream.”

“Hrrm. I don’t think I can beat her in a fair fight, but I can definitely challenge her to something.” Saria arrived and gave her support. Time was always appreciated, especially for a foe like Creighton, so I accepted with a nod. “Yay! You can count on me, Issei-kun! I might not win against her, but I’ll definitely give her a fight to remember!”

“Well, she’s a tough cookie, but I have a few tricks up my sleeve to distract her. With Saria-chan, my little ploys should get Val-Val distracted for a week. “ Kuroka offered her own aid. A part of me hesitated at the offer. Unleashing Kuroka on anyone was almost crossing the line. Though I didn’t like Valerie Creighton, I still gave it serious thought before taking Kuroka’s offer. “Ah, wonderful. I’ve always wanted to see how Ms. Perfect did in the shadows. It should be quite the affair~.”

I turned to Rias and my friend realized my question before I asked it.

“Yes, Ise-kun, I’ll help you plan for a solution while they delay the big boss.” I heaved a sigh of relief at my best friend’s words. At the very least, I would have her straightforward support in and wouldn’t have to handle the issue completely by myself. “Now, what shall Eli do?”

“Yeah, what’ll the silly girl who thought she had any chance do?”

Eh? What? Of course, Eli was going to stay safe and stay in eye’s view at all times! I couldn’t risk my cute kouhai getting hurt! Never ever! She gets sick and hurt too easily, so she’s going to be by my side until this crazy dangerous affair with Li’s love life is over!

I was surprised at the silence at my words after.

And, the redness in the cheeks of my friends.

Well, I suppose it’s quite hot today...