Honestly, I Don’t Know What I Expected: Epilogue

Honestly, I Don’t Know What I Expected: Epilogue

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Commissioned by Sivantic

Wordcount: 2500

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Everyday the Loki Familia worked towards reaching the end of the Dungeon. That’s simply how developed it with Loki’s approval. She wanted a group that would do better than the Zeus, Poseidon, and Hera Familias, who once set the record and reached Floors that haven’t been reached since they imploded and destroyed one another. So, I’d made it so that the Loki Familia would be able to handle its own logistics, create Adventurers of skill and caliber that were unmatched, and had an assembly of powerful individuals that could punch through every challenge that the Dungeon offered.

Unfortunately, somewhere over the many years I spent doing so, Ais Wallenstein latched onto me.

Let the record show that I had no intention of creating a Hikaru Genji plan. Nor did I have any intention of remaking Usagi Drop. I had no intention of raising a girl with the intention of marrying her. Heck, I fully intended to raise a child soldier, but somehow got a girl that wanted to be with me forever. I never bought Ais a single toy, nor did I do anything for her a parent would, and in the end, I can say that I don’t know her feelings and personality as a father would his daughter.

I should’ve ended up with someone who hated me, who used me to further her own goals of vengeance, and someone who should be beaten up the protagonist of a Light Novel. For fuck’s sake, I did everything right, you know? I was cold, calculating, and strict past the point of reason. Since she could pick up a sword, I’d stoked her anger and hate, practically gave her no life beyond fighting, and pushed her to become a monster in the shape of a human being. Then, I faked my death to leave her behind, so that I could further my goals elsewhere, and didn’t bother to help her at all. If I was in her shoes, then the most amicable relationship I’d have with them would be not killing them when asked.

All the good that she talked about, the reasons why she cared about me didn’t make sense.

I trained her to survive, because she’d waste my time if she died. I’d fed her well and made sure she had everything she needed, since anything less than that would lessen her ability to do what I wanted her to do. There’s no shortage of things I could list that she’s seen in a different light, things that she’s convinced were me caring for her, when all I did was ruin her life. It didn’t make a lick of sense that she wanted to stay beside me, to look after me, and care for me, even after I told her that I used her and everyone I cared about so that I could reach the end of the Dungeon and see if I could get myself home.

In the end, our relationship was something I would never understand.

She didn’t believe for a moment that I owed her anything, while being willing to give me anything for all I’ve done.

I didn’t think for a second I deserved anything, especially after all I did, from anyone in the Loki Familia and her especially.

Yet, even after I told her all this, she remains by my side.

…

The Hestia Familia was the obvious pick to add to the alliance of strong Familia’s the Loki Familia would need to have in the future. Reaching out to established Familias, who were our rivals, was foolish. However, Orario was a city filled with gods who wanted to have Familias of their own, so offering them protection against lesser Familias and their peers was the Loki Familia’s best bet. It was a protection racket, with the payments being that their families would work underneath the Loki Familia, until all the lesser Familias considered trash by the other, big Familias were united and allied with us. 

I could do it easily because everyone in Orario thought I was dead, besides the upper management of the Loki Familia, Loki herself, and that one, annoying elf who nearly gave me a stroke. Viri-something-san needed a stern talking to about secrecy and its importance, but for now I had no intention of speaking to her. It wasn’t like I was scared of her or anything like that. It’s just that I didn’t want to chance having my brain melted by an Elf. Riveria did enough of that whenever we crossed paths. I didn’t want to check if all Elves were all just naturally gifted with the ability to kill me with words alone. 

Anyway, since I was dead and had another identity, it was easy enough to head into Orario’s underbelly and start cultivating allies for the Loki Familia, especially since I’d begun working on gathering allies already when I’d been outside of it. Naturally, since I was already well-prepared, Loki and the others saw no need to provide me with material or economic support in my endeavor, while demanding that I at least make three small Familias join the protection plan I’d proposed. In short, I was being punished to handle noobs, spend all my money and time doing so, and only after succeeding would I receive my old position back in the Loki Familia. 

In order to join me, Ais disguised herself, while the Sword Princess took a break outside of Orario to rest and recuperate after multiple months of hard work. 

Which also reinforced my “death” further. 

So, I also had a leash around my neck that I could break, with a task that will benefit the Loki Familia immensely that only I could do, because of circumstances that I’d intended to hurt the Loki Familia at first. Sometimes, I forgot why I chose to join Loki, since she was a pervert who got off on the suffering of other people, but when her plans were conniving, purely beneficial to the Familia, and gave her everything for nothing… I felt a semblance of the faith I had in her when we first met. 

Someday, she’ll actually be more serious for more than a few minutes at a time and I’ll respect her again, but that was likely to be in the very, very far future, even with how she essentially trapped me and ensured I’d need to stay with her for a decade at the very least.

For now, I simply had to take my sentence one day at a time… with Ais’s help.

Help that happened to include knocking down Cranel onto his back for the fifth time in a single minute.

“Again.” It really wasn’t that much of a disguise. Her hair has simply been dyed a darker blonde and she’s chosen to dress like a regular Adventurer instead of the armored coat, greaves, and feathered hat that was her trademark. The vest, greaves, and arm cover she wore were all just hardened leather, while what she wore beneath was a tunic and leggings. It was mostly beginner-level gear, the best beginner-level gear, and it was nothing compared to Cranel’s chest plate and other assembled armor… but she was still kicking his ass, because he was only Level 3. Even with his bullshit Skill making his growth rate increase more quickly, Ais was entirely, utterly out of his league. And, worryingly, she liked that. “I am moving at your speed. Hit me. It is entirely about skill, Cranel.”

That was a freaking lie. Actually, it’s such a big lie that even the idiots from the Takemizu-whatever Familia I was training noticed it, even though I was putting them through their paces. Yes, even the foreigners who were struggling to run with weights strapped all over them noticed how badly Ais was lying. They might not know that she’s pushing Cranel to innovate and make up for the speed and skill difference that was increasing incrementally between each round, but they knew that Ais was practically bullying Cranel.

The brat, however, didn’t.

“H-hai, Wallenstein-sama!” Ah, it hurts to look at Cranel’s smiling face. Its filled completely and utterly with purity and lack of hatred. Though covered in sweat and sporting bruises on his arms and legs, he remains ecstatic that he no had allied and companions to venture with him throughout that Dungeon that wasn’t me, as well as the training he never knew he wanted and needed. I really didn’t know how Ais could live with herself and hurt such cuteness. “Just you wait, I’ll be sure to make Sensei proud!”

Hrrm. 

I think you should’ve just cut me out of that sentence, brat.

Why?

Because, I don’t know if you know, but Ais is really letting out a lot of murderous intent that I don’t know how you’re ignoring.

One of the other Familia, the girl with the fancy prosthetic, is actually curled up on the track in fear with her tail tucked between her head. Her instincts are literally telling her that she’s about to die, when Ais is dozens of feet away from her, while you’re smiling at her. Cranel, I know that you’re probably some spinoff protagonist that’s overpowered in this setting, but you’re not overpowered enough to take on Ais. I think she has bad taste, and probably a skewed sense on what affection is, but doesn’t change the fact that you said something pretty stupid while in melee range of Ais Wallenstein. 

“Oh? You want him to be proud of you? Has he told you that he’s proud of you before? That’s nice.” Cranel, stop nodding and get a goddamn clue! You’re dragging me and my shitty attempt to make a child soldier with you. Please, just take all the blame upon yourself. Look, now my student is looking at me with eyes full of expectation and need. I’d take being looked at like I’m trash any day of the week. Being trash and accepting being trash is easy! All I have to do is be worthless and be out of the way, while being no one’s problem. I’d prepared for that life before being sent to Orario. Someone expecting something from me that’ll fulfill their dreams is way too much, dammit! “Why don’t you make Hachiman proud of you again, then?”

“Hai!”

I looked at Cranel. His face was full of hope and dreams. His desire to make a harem for himself, to be the lighthearted, sub-protagonist to the shitty, dark fantasy with barely any give for the main characters was plain on his face. He was pure, incorruptible, and knew barely anything about struggle and pain. Also, he saw Wallenstein’s smile and thought her own feelings were being reciprocated, but that wasn’t the case. 

Ais Wallenstein’s smile didn’t reach her deep, dark, and empty gaze, which I’d accidentally made by not treating her like a child in the slightest.

I’m sorry, Cranel, but you’ll be suffering for my sins. 

…

I wished that Ais ignored me out of spite. Silence is something that I was used to. Actually, I’d go as far as to say that I welcomed it. Silence, or lack of communication, is a net negative to any form of relationship. People refusing to talk to one another, being caught up in their issues and feelings, ensures that nothing of worth happens and makes a relationship stagnant. Stagnant relationships never change… or go on to crash and burn up as things are never settled between two parties and they hate each other forever.

Nothing sounded better as a good, solid first step to my fucked-up relationship with Ais.

However, she would have none of it. 

“I want you to praise me, Hachiman. I deserve being praised, right? I trained everyone well and made sure exceed what was expected of me.” Just like in battle, she approached every issue between us with absolute, ruthless efficiency. Whoever said that logic and calm have no place in arguments, where only the heart matters, is also dead fucking wrong. Ais was addressing the problem while staring into my soul, conveying how she disliked never being praised by me behind half-way lidded eyes. She was combining sound reasoning and logic with earnest desires and clubbing be in the head and heart with multi-hit skills. Please, have a speck of mercy. “Don’t you think so?”

“I do.” The words slip out of my mouth, even though they shouldn’t. There was nothing right between us. Nothing remotely honest or good. Our situation was that of someone who exploited and someone who was exploited. Therefore, I had to correct myself. “You should find someone to do that for you, then. What you do, however well you do it, is just what I expect of you.”

Those words should have had me receive the same treatment as Cranel, knocked unconscious after failing to run away once he realized the danger he was in, but it didn’t.

“So, you rely on me, Hachiman.” That wasn’t what I said, but that was what Ais heard. I didn’t know what happened to her brain as she grew up, how she possibly thought of everything I did as kind and compassionate. She couldn’t be anymore wrong if she tried. I’d told her everything, of why she became herself due to my goals, yet I was alive and she continued to shower me with affection. I didn’t understand. Or, maybe, I didn’t want to understand. “I’m happy that you do. Please, continue to rely on me always, okay?”

“I’ll never do that.” After everything, I couldn’t treat Ais the same way. I couldn’t treat her in any way that would encourage her affection. In fact, I owed her more than I did Loki and everyone else I’d played for fools to achieve my dreams. “Never. Got it, Ais?”

We were stuck together for now, due to mutual obligation, whether that obligation was right or wrong. Ais wanted to keep me safe and happy, since she was somehow happy with how she was brought up. I needed to see her grow out of her current thoughts, leave behind her sword, and pursue a life free of violence, Orario, and the vengeance that she sought out. Even if she absolutely detests me after all my actions to repay her, I won’t care at all about her hatred of me, as long as she lived happily ever after.

The only way I could possibly leave Orario on my own two feet was once I knew that I’d done all I possible could for her after everything horrible that I did. 

“No. You can’t refuse.” Ais held onto my arm, her gaze set in stone and her strength forcing us both to stop. With her free hand, she reached out and forced me to look right into her gaze. I tried to look away, but she caught me once again, and I didn’t know who or what to blame as the thoughts I were desperately cultivating faded away in an instant. “Rely on me, please. I will protect you and care for you. You aren’t alone. Not anymore. Not ever again, Hachiman.”

Yes.

Without a doubt, it was hopeless.

She knew me better than I knew myself, so we were going to be forever trapped together in an endless, irreversible cycle of mutual dependency born of innumerable mistakes. 

Though I knew I needed to let go, I couldn’t. 

Though she needed to let go of me, who only weighed her down and caused her harm, she utterly refused. 

Honestly, I don’t know what I expected, since I should’ve always known that Ais Wallenstein was a true hero who’d never let go.