Somehow, The Countryside Is Different. (Oreigaru x Tohou) [Chapter 2]

Somehow, The Countryside Is Different. (Oreigaru x Tohou) [Chapter 2]

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Commissioned by Ichypa and Shaderic

Wordcount: 1000 + 2500

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I’d like to say seeing a woman appear from an Eldritch abyss is the end of any strange occurrences within my life whatsoever. Indeed, I’d be very happy to say that no more supernatural things occurred to me, during the first summer I had where I was spending time with someone who wasn’t just the closest of strangers. Most definitely, Reimu didn’t deserve to be lied to every day when I went out to clean the steps, or do some other chore without her, and found myself in another, supernatural. 

One moment, my actions were merely cleaning up leaves off the yard like any good house-husband-to-hopefully-be, when I find myself in another place entirely. 

Instead of sweeping a leaf-covered carpet before a green-haired, short woman who didn’t hesitate to lecture me about my life, before going on to send souls to either heaven or Hell. Then, she’d go back to lecturing me about my irreverent existence, my cleaning skills, and then my poor outlook on life. At the very least, she actually let up when I started to pick up some leaves, instead of just brushing them away, but that only made her redouble her efforts to convince me my life was wrong.

When I go down the steps to fetch something from the convenience store down the road, I found myself walking into a long courtyard where some silver-haired, green-clothed anime swordswoman was practicing the blade. From the moment she saw me, she attacked and I accepted my death, but her sword somehow didn’t cut me… and let my body keep following its only directive of keep walking forward. I kept walking while she looked at me in confusion, before trying to cut through me again. Thankfully, even the Shonen-style, called-out super attacks passed through me as I heedlessly walked forward, until I reached the front door of the place… and opened it to find myself at the convenience store. 

The most terrifying moment was when I had to go into the forest surrounding the Shrine to make sure the smattering of altars along a stone path, arranged in five points that circled back to the Shrine, still had offerings and burning incense. While I was walking with a basket of Inari sushi in hand, practically just ten steps away from the Shrine, I was transported in front of a freaking, blonde Kitsune who promptly began to stalk me. I didn’t know how, but I found each Shrine bereft of Inari, refilled them, and did my best to ignore the hentai-worthy gasps of delight that followed me, as I walked through a bamboo forest that I was totally unfamiliar with. 

I’m sure that the only reason why I’m alive is that I refuse to have shitty, strange things have any clout on my existence.

I didn’t know how or why it was happening, but I wanted it to stop, but the only person who could seemingly answer my answers was Reimu.

Thankfully, the decision was taken out of my hands when Reimu pushed me down and forced herself atop me.

Those words were lewder than I intended them to be. 

…

On one hand, I have to admit that being pushed down by a girl a head shorter than me is embarrassing. On the other hand, being pinned down by my girlfriend, perhaps my soon-to-be-ex girlfriend, was another thing entirely. Miko outfits were… uhhh… thinner than I originally thought. Wearing pajamas myself didn’t help either. 

Now, I know what you’re going to say.

How could I possibly be enticed in a situation where I’ve been pushed down by my cute girlfriend? Shouldn’t I be a proper, hot-blooded Japanese male who is the head of his household and cares not for the opinion of his wife? Could I not push her off of me, say nothing, and be utterly obstinate? To those questions, I can only give my most sincere no. Why? Because Reimu was stronger than her slim, slender build initially implied, despite how soft she was. Also, I had no interest in continuing Japan’s history of having wives solely for children and status. And, finally, I had no intention of being single after achieving the legendary childhood friend ending. 

The questions came swiftly and I answered them without hesitation. 

“You’re appearing in Gensokyo. You’ve been seen in multiple places. How? Why? When?”  

“I don’t know. No idea. And, ever since the candy shop, I’ve appeared somewhere else three times while doing chores.”

Reimu blinked, but she managed to keep her stony, dead-eyed expression as she kept me pinned against the tatami. The curry and rice on the table was getting cold. The miso soup was already getting cold. The barley tea was getting watered down by ice cubes. Also, I’ve gotten a good look of her current Miko outfit. Her sleeves aren’t connected to the rest of her outfit. How does that work and why does she somehow make it look super cute? 

Questions and things to consider for later.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I thought I was going crazy and freaking out and didn’t want you to think I was.” And that was the truth. Even though I’d seen Reimu speak to that blonde, tall foreigner with an umbrella full of eyes and darkness, my innermost fear about asking about it was what I’d felt at that moment. In the dagashi shop, I’d been frozen, incapable of doing anything besides witness what was occurring, and then the world decided to shit on me three more times on separate, normal occasions. “I was going to tell you about it when I was sure that I wasn’t crazy.”

“Idiot… you… absolute buffoon… YOU MORON!” Reimu didn’t shake me or do anything a standard, Tsundere love interest would. However, to be perfectly honest, I would have been happier getting hit by her instead of receiving her true feelings regarding me. Reimu wasn’t one to mince words, nor did she want to put in the effort to lie, so I knew for a fact that she believed I was currently all three of those things. “You could have died. There are monsters in there that eat people. What if they could actually touch you? What if the next time you find yourself alone there, they could hurt you all they wanted, because all they saw was a human without protection? Did you think about that, Hachiman?”

Reimu had gotten up. Instead of holding me down with her whole body, she straddled me by my abdomen. I half-expected some imperious declaration of me being so stupid that she couldn’t stand the sight of me and a demand that I leave her sight forever. That series of events that would lock our routes away completely and utterly. No. This isn’t something to joke about. I’d fucked up to an incredible extent and it was reasonable that she’d remove herself from my life. 

“We can’t waste time. You’re coming with me to Gensokyo now and getting what’s happening to you fixed, so you’re not in danger, okay?” Those weren’t the words I expected. Nor the glare filled with resolve and determination. Reimu has always been different, even if she tried to pretend otherwise. No ordinary girl would be happy just spending days in the countryside, practically just lazing the days away. That’s the sort of lifestyle only people who’ve lived long, stressful lives filled with danger enjoyed. Apparently, my girlfriend was a corporate slave in another sense. “Get up, Hachiman. Don’t you dare say I’m heavy either. I’m too mad to hear anything besides apologies and yes from you, right now.”

Well, those words sealed my fate.

“I’m sorry about lying to you… and no you’re not heavy.” Getting up was a challenge. I managed to sit up and move my unmovable girlfriend from my stomach to my lap. Still, even then, her arms remained crossed and her face stayed stony. However, since my body managed to get me this far, I could put in at least enough effort to try and start the journey that gets me back into Reimu’s good graces. “And, thanks for keeping me around instead of getting rid of me.”

The standard reaction from a generic girl here would be to blush and look away with a hmph. 

Instead Reimu’s face softened, until the girl I knew appeared behind the mask she used for her daily duties. 

“You’re not in the clear. You need to earn back my trust, especially since you’re willing to risk your life instead of tell me the truth.” The words were clear and concise. Reimu wasn’t leaving anything up for debate. Maybe, if I was an idiot, I’d argue. However, despite her beliefs that I was an idiot of the highest caliber, I knew better than to disagree or agree half-heartedly. I nodded once, without hesitation, and she got up and offered me her hand to help me up. Soon enough, I was standing before her while she analyzed me with a critical eye. “Pack up our dinner. We’ll probably be gone for a while, but I won’t rest until you’re safe, Hachiman. On our way there, I’ll tell you about Gensokyo… and you can apologize some more.” 

Yeah, as expected, my supernatural childhood friend was pretty cool.

…

Reimu explained Gensokyo to me in fifty-words or less. It was a place where myths and legends went to live their days without harming humans. There was a human village inside with some weirdos, but the rest of the inhabitants were creatures long thought to be lost to fantasy. So, whatever was happening to me was indeed very dangerous, if not for the little caveat that I apparently couldn’t be touched by anyone when I appeared. 

Still, I considered where I’ve been sent in Gensokyo and came to a simple conclusion:

“So, basically life’s telling me to go die.”

“Huh?” Reimu stopped walking on the path towards the back of the Shrine to shoot a me certain look. It wasn’t a look of disgust, thankfully, but to call it confused would be a terrible lie. There was still more than a little irritation on my childhood friend’s system, so what I was seeing was along the lines of curiosity protected by tolerance. I would receive no reply from my angry girlfriend, if I didn’t say anything worth hearing. And, well, that’s fine with me. Less chance for me to fuck up when I’m quiet, anyway! “What do you mean?”

“An unknown forest followed by a Kitsune. Into a realm of the dead, right in front of a guard. Then, a trip to meet with a judge of the dead.” Given the fact that I intend to a have trash degree in the humanities, and my shitty grades in the sciences, I had to do well in literature and other classes. Though I wasted plenty of time with LNs and games, regular folktales and actual, cultural treasures made their way to me more than enough times. Usually, it’s so that I can shit on people calling their LNs deep and original on imageboards, but now I can use it to save my life. I never thought one of my 108 Hachiman Skills will ever come in handy in real life, but here I am. “Those are usually shitty stories where the protagonist gets fucked over, right? Those guys in those stories never have happy endings. Normal people in folk tales tend to just fucking die.”

“Are you saying that you’re some sort of protagonist?”

“Fuck no. I’m a victim. Someone about to be viciously murdered, so that people can learn.” Young men traveling alone in the middle of the night doing their chores aren’t protagonists. They’re stand-ins for the inept, stupid young men of towns of the past. It tells them dangers to be wary and afraid of, putting death as the consequence of not following the advice they’re given, so that there’s a chance that they’d listen. The only way to get young men to learn is by either putting death as a punishment or getting a woman as a reward. “I’m an average, Japanese male living near the underworld, an enchanted forest, and tons of other shitty places for me to be next too. That just screams a new, modern folktale about making sure to stay away from monsters, so you don’t die.”

“Huh. You’re right. This probably has something to do with you being normal.” Reimu muttered the words out, but nodded to herself. In her free hand, the one not holding her purification rod, she held her chin in deep contemplation. A frown crossed her face and her brow narrowed. While I’m not the guy who has a fetish for authority and domination, I had to admit that she looked pretty cool while deep in thought. “So, you’re probably in danger and will be in danger the moment we pass through the barrier. The first thing we need to do is find a way to stop you from disappearing into Gensokyo. Then, we can find the cause of the issue.”

“There’d be no point in finding the cause, if I’m dead.” I agreed fully with the plan. Protagonists in stories like this usually just went forward and aimed at the big boss, gaining XP fighting whatever they came across, so I was glad that a side-quest ensuring my safety was first and foremost. Naturally, it’s a shame that I have to be a worthless NPC that has to be taken care of in the foreseeable future, but the bug that sends me to ultra-high danger stages should be dealt with first. “So, how are we getting into Gensokyo?”

“We already are.”

Reimu’s words did not make me blink rapidly or some other nonsense. Instead, I looked around in surprise like a normal person. Once upon a time, I’d have blinked exaggeratedly for effect, but my Chuuni days are over and not even finding out magic is real will bring back that cursed existence back to life. Maybe, I’d have even made gross noises like “ooh” and “aah,” but as I said before, I wasn’t about to do shit like that.

I simply looked around and did my best to keep my jaw from dropping.

“You look awfully pleased for someone who’s sure he’s about to die.” Reimu’s words were dry, but the slightest smile played on her lips. We’d left the human-side of the Hakurei Shrine in the evening, with Reimu doing something to the Shrine gate as we walked through it, and we entered Gensokyo in the daytime. I’d honestly thought I’d see some small valley surrounded by mountains. Instead, I practically looked upon a whole region bathed in light, untouched by modernity, and just… reeking of all the stereotypes of another world. Holy fuck it was really real. “Yeah, yeah. It looks pretty, I suppose. I guess it’s just that everyone living in it is annoying one way or another that’s the problem.”

Those words managed to get me off my high.

Reimu was right, after all.

It might be a world of magic, sequestered away from the rest of humanity, but it was still filled with Youkai and other monsters. 

I had to be as careful as possible here—

“Ha-Hachiman!”

Aaandd… I’m sliding again… in a much different, more-permanent feeling way than I did before. 

Huh.

If I’m the one always in trouble, who’s tried to fake not needing help, and am being helped out after I’ve admitted my mistakes… does that make me the heroine in this story?

And, more importantly, does being the heroine make it more or less likely that I’ll be a househusband in the future?

…

The throne room I found myself in could fit a small apartment complex. Massive windows, taller than the red gates that led in and out of the Hakurei Shrine has red curtains with gold trip preventing light from entering the room. Golden chandeliers laden with crystal and candles hung between towering marble pillars. The carpet I stood upon was at least as long as two houses put end-to-end, seamless, and obviously hand-made. It’s length went from the entrance that of the throne room that I hadn’t used all the way to the throne itself. 

It was empty, but it sat before an utterly massive portrait that reached the very top of the massive room and all the way to its floor. The portrait had a frame of gold of such amount and craftsmanship I’m sure would give even billionaires would have heart attacks, but I gave it no mind. All the opulence didn’t matter. What mattered to me was that the eyes of the painting were moving, that those eyes were bright red, and the childlike creature whose visage was captured was smiling and baring two fangs.

“Oho, so the mysterious young man gracing Gensokyo with mystery has finally arrived to pay his respects. And, I am the fourth you’ve visited. So, you put me above so many Hermits and Gods, below mediators of the underworld, yet also below the Familiar of Yakumo Yukari” A too-sweet voice filled my ears, while the portrait’s surface bubbled and boiled. The outermost edges began to move towards the center, bringing with it the rest of the painting, until from the center of the painting a sphere formed before an utterly blank canvas. It shook and quaked, until a young woman with azure hair, scarlet eyes, and fangs clad in a purple dress appeared floating high above her throne. “Should I be pleased to be ranked so highly? Or should I protest that I be thought of lesser than a Kitsune? Before you introduce yourself, boy, I’d like to know your answer. There’s no point in knowing the name of a dead man, after all.”

Given that I was very sure that I showed up in a boss fight while being a NPC without fighting ability, I supposed that whatever fucked up deity was doing this to me expected me to use my brain to get out of this situation. Now, while I’m a fan of being alive, I wasn’t very sure that I was capable of doing that at this very moment. Disregarding the quickly ramping-up fear within my chest, as well as other encroaching symptoms of panic in the face of a creature that violated many laws of physics on a whim and then proceeded to threaten to kill me, I also don’t exactly have a track record of quickly making friends with other people.

So, despite my long-standing belief that society could go kill itself along with all its unsaid rules, I fell back on common decency first.

I covered my eyes and looked away.

“Right. I’ll do that, but first: fly down, because I can see your underwear.” White. Frilly. Airy. If I had any doubts about the creature before me not being the standard, immortal vampire who’s lived for centuries, her underwear dashed away any doubts. The anachronism of the situation was true, despite the fact that the vampire was speaking modern Japanese, she was most definitely an ancient being. “Tell me when you’re done, then I’ll give you my answer, and whether or not I should die. Please and thank you.”

From my wasted-hours spent on manga, anime, and LNs, I expected a scream of surprise, then maybe getting immediately bad-ended. If this were some sort of eroge or ecchi VN, those words would definitely be said by the protagonist, before he founds himself pushed down and stepped on. However, since I hear no scream and do not get pushed down by the vampire… I uncovered my eyes after ten seconds of silence. 

And, now the bloomers were inches away from my face.

If my neck hadn’t been strengthened from years of keeping my head down, I’d have probably died from the instinctual response of looking the fuck away from imminent demise via Reimu that my body had. 

“Pahahah! What a silly young man you are be so flustered over chaste undergarments instead of being killed!” Okay. What the fuck is this setting exactly? Lady, you threatened my life moments ago on the basis of reputation and not being given the respect you’re due. Now, here you are laughing at me and presenting… whatever it is you’re presenting. Get out of my face! I’m a young man with a girlfriend and Totsuka! Mostly the former! Honest! So, please, start threatening my life again already! “How amusing! You’re definitely the sort that must be kept around simply for humors sake!”

Confused as I was, I couldn’t help but sigh in relief when I realized that I wasn’t about to die.

However, that relief faded a split second after a stinging sensation on my cheek… followed by a warm, darting tongue as well as arms too strong from me to ever escape from around my neck.

Suddenly, I found that I couldn’t move from my spot, after I met the vampire’s gaze in the corner of my vision.

“But just because I have decided not to kill does not mean you are a guest of my home.” She smiled as she savored my blood. A faint reddish haze formed upon her features. I couldn’t help but be utterly aware of my inability to do anything at all. “No, unknown human, you are no guest of my mansion just yet.”