Human Side Stories: Miyakuro: Dinner, Dogs, and Dates.

Human Side Stories: Miyakuro: Dinner, Dogs, and Dates.

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Commissioned by Chaosbrain

Wordcount: 2000

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“What’s up, bitch?”

“Miyakuro.”

“Huh? Is that a growl? Did the person who provided you with the means to not be a useless weakling just hurt your feelings? That person is me by the way.”

“You… made me dress up.”

“If you were just an ordinary idiot, you can complain about that, but not while you’re working with my reputation.” Honestly, you’d think that a traditionally-raised, emotionally stunted murder machine would get the intricacies of influence and reputation in pseudo-sociopolitical supernatural power struggles. For fuck’s sake, do I have to teach my attack dog/middle manager everything? Modern society sure is a shitshow. Back in the old days, you don’t get to be powerful and strong without knowing how to present yourself and not look like a retard. “Also, you’re going to be meeting my girlfriend your new best friend’s an idiot. So, at least one of you has to be somewhat fucking decent.”

Naturally, just like any dog who doesn’t understand but is frustrated, Hikari glared at me while letting loose a low growl. I took the opportunity to somewhat fix up her borrowed clothes. Thankfully, it wasn’t the poor travesty that was her regular investigation clothes, with the cleavage-propping vest and too-short-white-blouse, but trying to get her to dress herself was a lesson on futility. She was the sort of woman who preferred comfort over style and it showed, since she showed up in a JSDF uniform a size too large, probably courtesy of the Captain Who-Ever-The-Fuck.

Yeah, I used phenominal cosmic power to make it fit her properly. Begone, foul, shitty outfit, and welcome actually stylish, light-blue military uniform with pants. And… she’s already unbuttoned the jacket and blouse to make herself more comfortable, without thinking whatsoever that anyone could ever be attracted to her, like her, and that her move was any form of seduction of any sort. Yep, Japanese soldiers everywhere are now raising the metaphorical flags high, because there’s finally a woman wearing one of their uniforms that can pull off a cleavage window and who gives zero fucks if they stare.

Whatever. 

Well, at least Sasaki was going to enjoy the eye-candy, I guess. 

…

I grew a few cherry-blossoms for the dinner and had them begin shedding, because I wanted to and I could. The fact that I stole/requisitioned/refurbished the Japanese Pantheon’s secret, poorly-secured closed space made just about anything vaguely Japanese easily willed into being, even for just a single dinner. While I really appreciated the convince and ability to just grow fresh, seasonal Japanese fruits whenever I wanted, it’s without a doubt that the Japanese pantheon were filled with idiots who preferred comfort of security. 

I managed to save a whole species of blacksmiths from extinction, as well as keep most of my Pantheon alive to fight in the name of Justice, while Amaterasu died along with everyone else in the Japanese Pantheon. 

But that’s currently not important.

What’s important is that I was having a pretty, fucking nice time eating bentos beneath scattering cherry blossoms… and it was being ruined by the bundle of nerves that Hikari has become. 

“Oi, you’re ruining the meal. Just spit out whatever’s turning your panties into someone’s fetish.” Yeah, I know that my half-demon, orphaned Miko/blood knight is a societal reject of the highest, possible order, but I’d also thought that since she became friends with a literal survivor of a human meat farm, she could manage to keep her cool in front of Sasaki. Apparently, I’m fucking wrong. Sure, she could make friends with literal soldiers, other societal rejects, and near-feral humans, but put her in front of a kimono-clad, traditional Yamato Nadeshiko? Well, to keep a long story short, Hikari has done nothing besides sip tea for the last fifteen minutes… from an empty cup. “C’mon, this was supposed to me easy. It’s a dinner with one of your friends, a boss who doesn’t care what you say about him, and your boss’s girlfriend who’ll support everything you have to say about me. For fuck’s sake, this was supposed to ease you into talking with people, bitch.” 

“I am of not approving of your speaking, sensei.” Oh, great, there goes Song’s safety belt for me. No, wait, a safety belt would actually make my job dealing with humanity’s underground easier. Training weight is a better term, because now I actually have to teach, save lives, and fuck over people with bad intentions all at the same time. Just doing the last two’s headache inducing enough, yet now I have another job. I should unionize, unfortunately, by boss can break a strike over his knee with ease and get praised by humanity for doing so. Dammit. “Hikari is of putting her best effort. Please, be of more understanding, because you are of knowing this, too.”

This is the moment where Sasaki should back me up by acting cool, sweet, and proving me right that there’s nothing in this situation that should make Hikari freeze up and feel afraid. Instead she chose to give Hikari a smile and put some food on her plate, which the cold-blooded, wrath-filled Miko instantly consumed and almost choked own while trying to say thank you for. 

“She’s just sitting there disarmed by someone be nice to her. That’s not her best. Her best’s fucking standing up to me, to monsters, and to you, because you’re fucking terrifying.” What is this bullshit? On the regular, Hikari doesn’t fuck around with care and courtesy no matter how much someone else has over the situation. Yet, with one person being ultra-nice to her, she becomes nothing more than a blubbering idiot who says yes to every morsel of food and can’t even ask for tea out of shyness. “If you were like this, brat, I’d throw you out of the Arcology. I’m not being harsh on her. I’m putting forward some real, normal expectations on another human being.”

“It is obviousness that she is not of normalcy, teacher. She is of not understanding the kindness of strangers upon first meeting. It is of the same for me, when I am of speaking to Li Song and all the other Preservers.” Great, so both of the people I’m teaching and guiding get tongue-tied around nice people and I hadn’t noticed because I hadn’t spent the requisite amount of time with them. So, this isn’t there fault, but mine. Fuck it, then. Forget this shit. I’m going to enjoy me food. And… my food’s fucking GONE. “My stomach was not yet filled, so I was of helping myself to your feast. It is tasty.”

“Well, I suppose you think that you’ve done the right thing, but let me inform you otherwise. No. You haven’t. Exhibit A: you’ve just eaten my food. Exhibit B: you just aired your friend’s dirty laundry out to the rest of the party.” And, by the rest of the party, I meant Hikari herself. The only person here who thought that she was being smooth was her. The reason why she hadn’t been responding to my words was the fact that she thought she was playing things cool. That wasn’t the fucking case, and everyone had been keeping quiet about it, until she decided to just go ahead and say it out loud. Magnificent. Now, I can rub this shit all over both their faces for being absolute dumbasses. “So, welcome to being how-to-not-be-socially-retarded 101. I’m your teacher. There’s no refunds. The class ends when you’re both no longer idiots. Now, we can start by the two of you introducing yourselves to Sasaki, because you both sat down and started eating without a single, fucking braincell to think other in either of your speck-sized brains!”

I took stock of the situation after my declarationn

Hikari choked on her food.

My student whose name I keep fucking forgetting nearly choked on her own food.

Sasaki was having a good time. 

Yeah, this was going to be a decent evening. 

…

I had the picnic cleaned up after I sent both of the two idiots away, so that I could enjoy a bit of peace, quiet, and a sandwich in the cherry field, before I banished it away forever. It was good sandwich. Bread. Meat. Cheese. The sort of food that needed good ingredients and good preparation to have anywhere close to decent results. I also liked purchasing both of those things with money, so I didn’t have to bother with either. Man, it sure is great to not be poor. 

“Oh, don’t pretend like they’re both not good influences on you, Kita.” Dammit. It looks like Tsukuyomi needs to go into the box again. See ya again when I need a giant moon to enjoy some cherry blossoms properly. Not that you can hear me of course, because you’re dead and weren’t good enough to be put into a girl that’s after Li’s dick. Enjoy not existing, you unappreciative, prick. “Being a teacher suits you.”

“You’re only saying that because you like seeing other people risk their lives do what I do.”

“Correct.”

Sasaki smiles as she takes my arm and looks upon the stars. Seriously, woman, I made a giant, super moon for everyone to enjoy and you look at the stars? The stars are boring balls of gas. The moon helped make your entire species by smashing into this shitty planet and protecting you from anything else about to smash into it. Extradimensional aliens none withstanding, naturally. 

“…Those two really don’t deserve to be attack dogs, even if they’re good at it.” The day will never come when I’ll say this these words to Li. I could just see his fucking face beaming brighter than the sun, if he’d hear those words come out of my mouth. He’d probably laugh and celebrate until the night’s over and I’d never hear the end of making that happen. Still, the fact of the matter is that I’m not an idiot. The world’s changed. People don’t have to fight. There’s no need for berserkers or people who’ll fight to their dying breath holding the line. The time and age for that passed by centuries ago. “And… I get that I’m being a hypocrite for turning myself into an attack dog and saying that.”

“But you can’t stop, because who’ll do a better job than you.” Sasaki took the words right out of my mouth. Yeah. Even there was someone else willing to look into every single, wretched facet of humanity, I’d keep doing my job. Being the investigator, the one who looks into every shadow, is the perfect job for me. It’s almost as though I was made to be a wise, uncompromising old man who’d do anything and everything to maintain human civilization against everything that wanted to see it torn down, like some sort of freak who’d set up a way to come back from the dead, even if it meant losing centuries of work and starting practically from scratch. “I know that and you know that, but we also both know that it’s best for you to have help, no matter how much you want to protect everyone, except yourself.”

“Hmph, don’t bother making me sound like a hero, there’s plenty of people who deserve it more.” In the end, I have power and assets that shit all over regular people. That was all given to me by humanity from the moment I was born for the simple price of protecting them forever. Everything I’ve enjoyed, the family I had, and all the chances I’ve had until now? That’s all because of humanity. If I wasn’t me, if I hadn’t been charged to be who I am, then I wouldn’t be here. “As far as I’m concerned, I’m just paying humans back. 

“And, what happens when you’ve paid everything back?” 

Under normal circmustances, I wouldn’t be able to answer that question, but with the role Li gave me and the promise of more and more students with his seal of approval stamped on them… well… I had an answer for the question for the first time. An answer I didn’t have even when Thor had been jumping around like an idiot with his hammer of overcompensation. 

“Then, I think I’ll take a consultant position, rake in the cash, and step in to fix whatever they end up fucking up.”

Yeah, for the first time, because of two idiots with barely any social competency whatsoever, I could finally consider retiring.

“I’ll hold you to that, Kita.”

And, surprisingly, I wasn’t having panic attacks over letting others take over my work. 

“Yeah, yeah. We’ll see.”

It’s pretty good all things considered. 

Naturally, that’s when Destruction destroys the entire, human frontline, but still pretty good.