Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero: 16 (4.5)

Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero: 16

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Wordcount: 2500

Commissioned by Shaderic.

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Any half-decent skirmishing force needed to be able to disengage quickly after inflicting casualties. The point of a swift, surprise attack isn’t to inflict damage, but to inflict terror. Even in this shit world where power is absurdly imbalanced amongst those who matter and those who don’t, improper usage of a harassment tactics, without the goal of terror in mind, is utterly doomed to failure. Above all else, what matters is putting a sense of absolute dread in the opponent, accomplish every objective given, to bring back every single one of your dead and wounded, and instill a sense of your invulnerability in the opponent, while still being able to inflict horrendous losses and rapidly disengage. 

And, using actual, important assets for skirmishing is a waste. 

Disposable, worthless troops who don’t care for their lives, who only want to kill or be killed, are the best. Those are the people I assigned to that job. People who lost all their friends, loved ones, and had nothing else to lose and wanted to inflict that pain back on their opponents make for good soldiers, but they make for far, far better skirmishers. There’s no better fuel for that job the internal desire of the individual to leave the world inflicting more pain, as well as no better living machines to utilize that fuel than a person without the slightest hint of wanting to stay alive.

It’s a very good thing that I only taught my former-student, now-captor only the first part.

Everything about her little task force was in working order, but after just a single bomb in the right place, everything was already coming apart. Her choice to keep how the explosion occurred a secret may have forestalled any attempts on my life, but their terror and paranoia coursing through the ranks. Why wouldn’t there be? An attack just erupted in the middle of their camp and killed an Elven Princess, then their venerable leader killed an Elven Knight that had gone insane. Behind the helms and hoods of the little, mobile army that was rapidly moving through the mountain range between Ylstu and the Empire, there was simmering, bubbling discontent. 

Reiser managed to perfect what I’d told her. She had a competent, speedy force that was able to outrun a group of Amazons and a Hellhound, as well as extract me. She’d sacrificed a few soldiers, but even in the Empire’s elites, giving up lives in order to achieve an objective is expected. But in the end, the fact that she had such a competent, skilled force worked in her favor. These people who worked hard to stay alive would accept casualties in battle, but if they don’t receive information, if they’re attacked without being told how or why, and if they wanted to survive and live to the next day without being killed… then it’s only natural that questions, curiosity, and then opposition would arise amongst the Reiser’s forces to which only her authority, leadership, and the truth can abate.

Unfortunately for her, she couldn’t provide the truth. 

On the first day of our travels, there were inquisitive glares. On the second and third, questions were sent her way as a I rode on the back of her horse. Then, on fourth day, someone in her company had tried to kidnap me for answers during the night. He died by Reiser’s hand that night, while questions about him abounded the camp, which my former-student only managed to fend off… while not managing in the slightest to rip out the root of the problem, because she couldn’t tell them the truth.

That she was a fucking psychopath obsessed with me being hero of the Empire, when I was decidedly, resolutely not.  Normal people take offense to being led by obsessive commanders with personality disorders and who don’t care whether you live or die. Man, this is why I’d take a stupid, loyal soldier over a competent, skilled one any day of the week, even if that stupidity is due to blind, obsessive rage. 

It makes life easier.

Not that I’ll ever tell Reiser that, of course. 

I’ll be keeping that trick for myself.

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Reiser’s force reached the closest Empire settlement five days after my kidnapping. They did under the cover of night and in absolute secrecy. Since it was only days from the front, the town was used to hosting Empire forces, thus the whole force was lodged in a district that was kept clean and well-stocked for the resupply of an entire battalion of Empire soldiery. 

It was my first look at an Empire town and it annoyed me. Everything about it was practical for a town that was intended to act as a forward base. The houses were all stone, with slit-like windows for arrows and spears, and alleys and corridors in every direction. Tunnels were plenty, probably to the point where even under bombardment or Dragon attack, the town’s denizens would be able to freely move. Most buildings were nondescript, blocky things all throughout, with the whole town basically looking like a maze of blocks within high walls. 

It was a deathtrap for anything, including monsters, thus I hated the fact that the Empire had it and was very happy that it was going to get blow up. 

Or, rather, get caught up between a military and their psychopath commander.

Same thing, really. 

How did I know this was going to happen?

Because instead of the psychopath, the Reiser that looked at me now was someone I actually recognized. The scared, young woman who was thrust into battle. Even if the past she told me was a lie, even if I didn’t know anything about who she was, I did know who I was looking at now, as she paced in front my cell while I lay beneath the traditional, moon-light shining window. Hmmm, with all the cobblestone everywhere, the torchlight, and the cobwebs, this could make for a good spread page. Me, in dark with just a ray of moonlight shining through cell, with her standing silently beneath torchlight.  

Like the classic summoning scene in a certain living mushroom’s VN, except with a prison and instead of dandere, I had a yandere. 

Eh, scratch that comparison. 

This is nothing like that scene at all. 

It was more like the annoying, regular scene between me and Reiser before she became a monumental, deluded, and indoctrinated super soldier. 

“Right, you’ve been standing there for ten minutes, so say something or leave and let me sleep.” Given the fact that she had a brain between her ears, even though it was incredibly delusional, I wasn’t interested in teaching her, let alone trying to teach her something wrong. My powers of persuasion are limited to pissing people off, not having them reconsider the life choices. In fact, with my ability, it’s more likely that I’d make them reconsider their choice in letting me keep my life, which can help. “Unless you’re going to be even creepier than normal and watch me sleep? You’re plenty creepy, so maybe you should reconsider before trying it.”

“…What would you do if your troops planned to mutiny against you?”

“I’d kill them all and get new ones. Feel free to do so and die trying. While you’re at it, you should let me go, too. Then, maybe you should kill yourself for being such a terrible commander.” Reiser’s simple, unfazed gaze told me she wasn’t impressed with my words. However, that didn’t matter to me. I won this particular conversation the moment she walked in to speak with me, instead of staying with her troops and making sure that she was seen. That meant that being with her troops would only complicate her current situation. Her standing was precarious and that’s great for me. Maybe, someone will try to kill or kidnap me, so that I can try to escape again. “Thank you for listening, that’s all I have for the evening, please consider no longer living. Good night.”

“…I’ve done everything I can in order to see if you’re under any form of control by the monsters, yet every test sent your way tells me that you are not. You even remain a virgin.” Oi. Put away that smile you’re making at that last phrase. I don’t like the thought of you being momentarily happy that I’m a virgin. That blush on your face can go away, too. Go back to being a psychopathic Yandere, if you’re going to act the way you are right now. I prefer that crazy, batshit bitch who chokes people without hesitation over what I’m seeing right now. Also, invasion of privacy, much? “Why, then? Why do you fight for the monsters against the Empire? Against your kin? Upon your success, after victory over the monsters through your stratagems, you would’ve been made a hero.”

“Yeah, after they find me assassinated by a monster the night after the victory, they’d make their best slave a hero for the rest of the Empire to happily glorify forever.” 

“They wouldn’t do such a thing.” 

“Then, you’re more gullible that I thought.” 

“The Empire is humanity’s only means of surviving this war of extinction. The monsters have fooled many, humanity is coming to an end, and we are surrounded by all sides by enemies.” Reiser took a step forward. The orange, flickering light of the torches played upon her golden locks. Given her stupidly-good looks, a lot of people could be convinced to support her the moment they laid their eyes upon her. Or, at the very least, fill up Twitter with lewd pictures in an hour minimum. “There are many who are foolish and corrupt, but they shall be dealt with, Strategos. The monsters in human clothing shall be dealt with and all who have wronged humanity shall cast down.” 

“Oh, you really are that gullible. I wasted an enormous amount of time on you.” I shouldn’t let this be personal, but the amount of regret I had for my mistake was just downright immense. Look at her, she’s basically the main heroine archetype. She’s the sort of gal that’s supposed to be the baseline of the protagonist’s cast of idealists and idiots. The one companion who’s been there with the hero from the start from the end. I’d clung on that futile hope, worked with it, and pretended that she wasn’t who she was in the vain hope that there was more to my life than killing and being killed. Yeah, I didn’t have a chance in hell in keeping my mouth shut. Demon Lords? No problem. I’ll tell Roseanne only what she needs to know. Some random, human girl who saved my life? Just let loose with everything. “Do you know how disappointing you are? I’d thought you were supposed to be better than the rest of the Empire. Someone who thought for themselves and who cared… but you’re just like the rest. No. You’re worse. You’re a nice girl, too.”

In the end, I’d fallen for the most typical of mistakes. When I’d been brought low, when all I could think about was getting myself in harm’s way and dying by my own terms, a nice girl swept in and saved my life. A girl who presented herself as someone of the Empire, but who was good, kind, and ostracized for not being normal. In the face of that, all I could do was give everything in a futile hope of clinging to life, while I fought every day for monsters that viewed me as just an interesting toy to use for their infinite war. Thus, Hikigaya Hachiman once again committed the old mistake of thinking he was special in someone else’s life and fucked himself over, again.

“You’re a sick joke. Everything about your Empire’s built off of slaves who can’t refuse. Slaves you grind up, so that you can harvest bodies.” Reiser knew all of this. The Empire knew this. Those with gentler hearts were indoctrinated to not even consider it slavery, but as what needed to be done in order to survive. That we were trash from other worlds that were made into martyrs, appreciated by the Empire, even though the world we lived on would have simply forgotten us forever. “Do you think we’re grateful that we’re supposed to die for you? That we want the chance to be more than what we are? That everyone wants to be a hero?”

I didn’t know when I stood up and walked, until Reiser and I were separated only by the bars of my cell, but I didn’t care.

All I wanted to see if my words had any effect on a girl spoon-fed lies and propaganda all her life. 

It was utterly ineffective.

“None of that is true. Do not lie to yourself. You want to be a hero. All of your fellows do, too. The Empire is forcing you all, that is true, but your lives would otherwise be wasted by either yourselves of your society.” Bullshit. Absolute, complete trash left her mouth. Reiser believed every single word without so much a shred of doubt. How could she? The Empire exerts near-complete control over its citizenry, from everything they eat, what they do, and all they learn. In this world of magic, where actual, true magic can be gathered in the hands of the few to their own ends, would any half-competent diabolical leader leave something to chance, if they could nip it in the bud? No. The Empire’s citizens lived and breathed its rules, laws, and culture without question… because there were no questions to ask. “Please, Hachiman, reconsider yourself. See the truth. The Empire saved you once. Allow us to save you again.”

I had a reply ready. One that had a chance at Reiser drawing her sword and continue acting out on the farce that she called her life. However, in the end, I didn’t have a chance to say it.

The door to the small prison opened and four armored men with beaked, visored helms entered, each one with a truncheon, and bearing the city’s seal upon their chests. Then, a priest of the Empire came forth, clad chainmail and half-plate with a tabard of white and gold. Her boots were muddy, her face hooded, and a held a hammer in both hands.

Stupid.

“Lady Reiser, you are believed to have clouded judgement by the lord of this city and your subordinates. Submit for questioning at once and relinquish the hero to us.” The words were smooth, but she’d come in force with four men who were practically rattling in their armor. Lady barely two people can stand side-to-side in that hall and you’ve brought four rookies in full plate. And, you’re all armed with weapons that need to be swung. “Your sword, please.”

Everyone in the room already knew what was about to happen, but the scene carried on anyway.

“What shall you do to the Strategos?”

“He shall be put through penitence in order to purify his soul of sin, then given a merciful death.”

“I won’t allow that to happen.”

“That choice is not yours to make—huurk!”

“No. It is.”

And, now, here we go.

Yandere psychopath vs the world.

Hopefully, my Cellphone can take advantage of the coming chaos and help me out.

Surely, my Demon Lord Network Service hasn’t forgotten about me, right?

Especially when I haven’t been paying my bills for the longest time.