Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero 31

Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero 31

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Wordcount: 2500

Commissioned by None (Bonus Chapter).

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Ylstu was still celebrating the “victory” a week after our return. Returning home with all troops involved, as well as dealing a grievous blow to the enemy, apparently necessitated a long celebration. I permitted it, since Ur gave me the stink eye when I tried to intervene, but just about everyone else not involved in the operation actually did their jobs, instead of spending their bonus and pay over a single week.

Jokes on them. I’ll be getting a cut of every sale, so they’re paying while they’re on paid leave. 

Suckers.

Even if I’m working my ass off in the Strategy Room, while you’re enjoying yourselves, I’m still the winner!

“According to my Kunoichi, as well as Ashe’s scouts, the Empire’s frontier is in disarray. And, more than a few raids have been launched from our allies in the north and south.” Kurama gingerly placed and altered the positions of several pieces the map before us. Instead of the Ylstu map, the continental map was a simple, paper and ink affair. I didn’t need a self-updating map for the entire continent. “The number of scouts being sent our way has lessened considerably, while a few battalions of the Empire are being sent to reinforce the north and south.”

“The raid worked. We’ve stopped their supply line for the time being, then our allies took advantage of the fact, thus alleviating the pressure on us.” Henri looked upon the map with a calculating eye, putting centuries of experience and understanding of strategy to use. She looked at me with the same gaze. “You used my tactics against the Empire. You’ve made it so that even though you’re a threat, that there are other, greater threats that must be dealt with… ones that are more likely culprits of that attack that we conducted.”

“If they hadn’t attacked and raided right after, they wouldn’t be the suspects.” I idly defended myself against the accusation that I pinned the blame on the Wyverns and Harpies. “They became the suspects, because they took the opportunity to attack. We didn’t tell them to do anything. They took in the information, made a decision, and attacked. It’s not my fault.”

“That was an incredibly bland and unconvincing answer. In fact, your actions remind me of an old saying: deception of one’s neighbor is required to deceive one’s foe.” Oi, oi, oi. Is Sun Tzu a big, titty Kindred this universe? If he is, would he be an oh-ho-ho Ojou-sama or an Are-Ara, nee-san sensei? Would she be an SSR or SR? Oh, maybe even just a freebie unit from the loser Gacha? “Hachiman, if Ur had not taken over and your plan had gone as you’d intended, your actions would have started a continental war not seen in centuries. You must take this matter more seriously.”

“Tch. I am. That’s why I have Ur and the rest of you.” Henri recoiled and her face flushed a deep blue at my words. Heh. That’s right. Be embarrassed by the fact that an Amazon outsmarted you, while you did nothing to try and stop me from setting the continent on fire. Advisor? More like doormat. “If you disagree with what I’m doing, you need to speak up and convince me that I’m wrong. So, be sure to put that mind of yours to work, because complaints after something’s already happened is worthless.”

“I see. Understood.” And, you called me incredibly bland and unconvincing? You’re hiding your face behind your hood, Henri. You’re barely managing to speak with that soft tone, too. How does it feel getting your own words thrown back at you, huh? I might not have Yukinoshita’s ability to kill people with a few sentences, but I’d like to think I’d managed to learn a thing or two from her! “M-moving on, then. Sayuri, if you would speak about our project.”

Huh, apparently the undead samurai’s name was Sayuri. That’s a bit too cute of a name for a girl walking around clad in the bones of her enemies and cursed armor. Literally and figuratively cursed. In certain angles both did nothing, while also having the ability to sap the life from the surroundings. So, basically wearing your typical fantasy female armor, but a bit more on the edgy, undead side. 

“The threat to Ylstu has not ended. Even with our foe partitioned and segregated, a formidable fighting force will arrive that we cannot face head-on, even with the entire Royal Guard at our disposal.” And, Cell Phone-chan’s going to be busy reporting to Roseanne and gathering information around the frontier. Even with a few of her subordinates replacing her, I doubted a handful of Dragons were going to do anything special, if the Empire knew they were here and would be preparing for them. “So, my proposal is to continue diverting attention to our allies as much as possible, while making ourselves a more formidable target to attack.”

“The funds you have at your disposal, according to Tanis, is more than enough to entice a few noteworthy Adventurers into Ylstu. Those plundering the ruins will run upon invasion, but there are incredible individuals who will fight as mercenaries, for the right price.” Kurama produced a scroll from her bosom with a wink and pressed it into my hand. I ignored both its warmth and smell, in favor of actually reading the damn thing. “Since they are undoubtably prepared for Dragons and Amazons, may I suggest a Sorceress or a Witch? Perhaps even a small, young coven?”

Lighthearted threats towards my treasury aside, Kurama had a good point. Magic is my main issue. Ur and just about every Amazons could tear apart any Mage they could get their hands on, but if they don’t, they get blasted to bits. Teams of assassins, battlefield control, and continuously-updating information will let me kill them off, but if even one fails Ylstu could end up burning into the ground, regardless of how much money I sink into barriers.

Having artillery of my own, to accommodate my battlefield control, would be the perfect way to end that threat. 

“Recruit the cheapest, newest, and youngest Coven. I don’t care if they’re worthless, as long as they can be taught.” I looked at my Lich, while handing Kurama back her scroll, and putting the duty of finding talent and paying for said talent on her. Hah. If you’re so ready to threaten my money, you better be ready to pay for it yourself! “Henri, you’ll be teaching them the basics, and helping them learn how to grind up any army the Empire sends our way. If you can’t do it, find someone better who you’ll be willing to work under. Got it? Good. Move on.”

I looked over the continental map one more time, before walking back towards my larger, more detailed map of Ylstu. 

“Onimusha, tell me what you think we need to break through Empire soldiers.” 

“Centaurs.” My look of disdain regarding those creatures must have shown of my face, because Sayuri was ready to speak up. “True, Kindred Centaurs are unlike their Empire counterparts.”

“Nope. Don’t care. Won’t feed them, house them, or use them in a valley full of forests.” Sure, I understand that formations are week to cavalry charges, but even magic-enhanced cavalry charges would do fuck-all in a forested area against heavy infantry. Centaurs would be just a waste of time and resources. “You know my tactics, so stop wasting my time. Give me suggestions and troops that can harass the Empire until they run away or get chewed to bits.”

A faint smile formed on the Onimusha’s face, to which I scowled in return, because I wasn’t in the mood to be tested. 

“The foundation of the warfare you’ve pioneered is the usage of troops as effectively as possible, but the inherent flaw in is the need for masses of disposable troops, correct?” We all gathered around the map of Ylstu and peered over it. The ponytailed Onimusha tapped the enchanted parchment a few times and brought up a series of locations. Holdout areas. Places where my troops could launch and consolidate for assaults, after harassing and bleeding the enemy. “I believe that we have two available answers: Undead or Insectoids.”

“So, one answer, because insects don’t go anywhere without their Queen, and I’m not interested in getting another princess.” Kurama made an odd noise my chosen set of words. It was somewhere between a gasp and a single, strained chuckle. A “Hahn” or something like it. She looked away and hid her face behind a fan, when I looked at her. Jeez. I can’t even insult other spoiled nobles now? Seriously? “Henri, what about your connections? Do you know anyone that can fill these forts up with bodies?”

“To fill such holdfasts, you’d require a Pharaoh, a Vampire, or a Lich of greater power and might than me. Each one would be difficult to acquire… but if you are willing, I could take another Coven under my wing, who’ll learn solely of necromancy from me.” 

“Done, but we need a stop gap until those students can make Undead, right?” Even before Henri finished nodding, I turned back to Sayuri. I’d pretty much shot down most of her ideas and took them for myself. That’s my job as a boss, but I can’t deny that she’s an asset. So, give me more, woman. This time, I’ll accept whatever you’ve got to say, but if you’d have anything, you’re just going to be someone I’ll steal ideas from. What? I’m a boss. Not a leader. “Give me a proposal, Onimusha.”

Of course, I gave her a little hint towards an idea I’d happily pay for and endorse.

“…Oni, yes. Oni would make for a grand addition. They live in forest, mountains, and can also become renowned blacksmiths. Your wisdom is to be envied, Hachiman-sama.” Yep, it sure is. Oni are tough, strong, and capable warriors. Even if they did require alcohol and incredible amounts of food, I was operating off of an agricultural economy anyway, and alcohol is the next step. “We will need a very capable winemaker.”

“If we were getting experienced warriors, yes, but we’re not doing that. Ever. Recruit the ones lowest of the lot, as long as they’re willing to learn, they’re fine.” I wracked my head for memory about how to produce alcohol, but nothing came to mind. Distilling was covered in science, but that barely came to mind. Making liquor wasn’t something I was familiar with. “But, for the sake of trade, find someone who can make alcohol. Strong alcohol. I’ll be willing to hire the person who can make the strongest liquor possible.”

I received a few questionings looks from my companions.

“We can’t compete in wine, so we’ll settle for being the best at getting people dead drunk.” Hopefully, in the pursuit of inebriation, there’s been advances in this crazy world in regards to distillery. At least enough to knock a few blocks in my memory, so I knew why coils were necessary. Maybe, I can just express the concept and somehow make a breakthrough with someone else smart enough? Still, if it doesn’t work, I’ll have someone who can keep my new troops happy. “No Oni will care about they drink, as long as they’re full and drunk, right?”

My three present advisors shared confused looks, until one of the Kunoichi dropped from the rafters clad entirely in black… paint. 

She gave a thumbs up, blew me a kiss, and then leapt upward to be an exhibitionist in the shadows once again. 

What a freak. 

But a freak that validated my point, so I suppose she’s fine, as long as se doesn’t leaving trails everywhere.

Tch.

I just jinxed myself.

…

Once I began the process of responding to all of the mail sent my way while I’d gone away, I’d expected to finish it all in two or three days. Notices, reports, and warnings all had to be responded to, whether they be from Roseanne or people whose opinion didn’t matter, which is everyone who isn’t Roseanne. 

Unfortunately, Ur remembered my little confession about working through the night, so she ambushed me before I could reach my desk and was walking me over to my room. 

Or, rather, dragging me to my room by my collar.

“Iyaa, I’m being abducted to be taken advantage of. Help me.” 

“Oh, be silent.”

“Silent isn’t consent, I’ll have you know, even in this fucked up world.”

“My intentions are to merely stop you from overworking yourself. That is all. Forcing myself upon you would be akin to taking advantage of an individual lacking in mental merit.” Hey, are you implying that I’m stupid? That my current course of actions and behaviors need to be rectified, before I can be considered a human being? Well. I guess if you’re against the death of a blight upon reality, such as the Empire, that would be the case. “You will rest and work tomorrow, especially because you didn’t even participate in the celebration of our victory.”

“Victory? Victory’s when the Empire is gone. Until that happens, we’re only prolonging the conflict, when we should be working to end it.” A kunoichi waves at me from the rooftop as Ur dragged me through hall. I waved back, which had ditzy pervert wearing only a scarf and shadows giggling. Quietly, of course, because she’s a Kunoichi. Hey. I wanted your help. Don’t go, dammit. “Ur, we’re being hunted down. They’ll figure it out. Until we break the Empire, there’s no peace for the Amazons.”

“You say “we” when speaking about your beliefs, but the Amazons when it comes to the peace that shall follow upon our success. Well, Hachiman, tell me what do you plan on doing after the Empire is gone?”

That question was difficult to answer.

But that’s the point Ur was trying to make.

It was only difficult to answer, instead of even impossible to consider.

“This place is fucked up. Can’t you just let a man kill something with everything’s he’s got, instead of trying to save him?” Ylstu. Everyone in it. The people I ran away from and who pursued me. I’ve barely spent a year with them all, less when considering Roseanne and her retinue of perverts, but I’m changing. My plans, most of them, are changing towards protecting what I have and killing the Empire in the process, instead of just killing the Empire at any cost. “Don’t you think it’s cruel to force me through all this, Ur? Bringing up all my hopes again, when it’s been crushed so many times?”

This has happened before. 

I’ve saved people.

People depended on me. 

Then, I failed them. 

Everything I do now is making me better, but that’s only until things get worse. I’m starting to remember, with Ur, Tanis, and everyone else doing their best to help me, the others who succeeded and then died in the attempt. Ur knew me well, so even if I couldn’t answer the question of if going through that again will be worth it, I hoped that she would, since she was insistent on dragging me forward into the present, even if it meant confronting my past. 

“I don’t know.”

Unfortunately, Ur’s just a normal human being and not some omniscient creature out to help me. 

“But I want you to live, Hachiman. Not because you saved me life, or that of my sisters, but because this world is better with you in it… and it would be far more terrible without you. So, I’ll do my utmost to see you well, no matter the odds or the difficulties, I swear that I shall be with you through them all.”

In the end, though, she was going to try her best and that was the best either of us could hope for.