Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero 36

Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero 36

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Wordcount: 2500

Commissioned by Shaderic

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Even though Henri was helping Tanis, she still had certain duties to attend to. As my head, magical researcher, she had to analyze and dissect whatever magic I found of interest, and wanted for Ylstu. Then, of course, she had to make sure my production of explosive satchels retained their current output. Of course, so on top of her personal project, she had a research project, and an administrative role to fulfill. 

If she were a living, breathing person who needed to sleep and rest, I’d say those three jobs were enough for her.

Unfortunately for her, she’s a Lich, and I don’t want a batch of teenage, magical rejects to run my province into the ground.  

So, I’m less than pleased by the state I find the dorm I’ve given the cast-offs, while Henri lectures them aggressively on the street.

The dorm is simply… gone and in its place are fifty Golems arranged in perfect rows, standing side-by-side, and, of course, all naked. From what Henri taught me about Golems, they’re like Zombies, except not made from corpses. Inhuman strength, reflexes, and stamina is a good bonus, but they lose out in fine-motor control, skill, and mental aptitude. In essence, the bevy of beauties made from wood, stone, and iron arrayed before me are a good exchange for a whole dormitory… if I’d been asked permission to make them.

Fifty supehumans laborers/weapons made from a building I had commissioned for Ylstu, that I had plans for after the Witches moved out, and weren’t under my control, but those of Witches I’ve just met?

Yeah.

That’s much less of a good deal.

Actually, it’s a bad enough deal that I was considering throwing the lot of them out, dipping into my funds, and getting an actual Coven that was wanted by other Kindred Nobles. The caveat of getting the company for the lowest possible price is naturally the fact that company has to charge low rates in order to be desired. The Witches I have are the bottom of the barrel, a bunch who aren’t wanted by even by the lowest bidder, so it’s only natural that I have to be ready to throw them aside and upgrade if necessary.

However, first, I was going to see if Henri could turn trash into treasure, because why upgrade when I can just overwork a very talented employee?

“You… you daft morons! This was to be your home for at least a month, before you were GIVEN an arcane tower to study in!” Ooh, “daft” and “moron” right after one another. Henri’s in a much worse mood than I thought. For a Lich that goes around walking in lace, practically-see-through lingerie beneath a hooded coat, you sure can be loud and angry when you want to be, huh? “These Golems will help in the construction of your Tower? I TOLD YOU ALL THE MATERIALS FOR THE TOWER HAVEN’T ARRIVED YET. It’s not a matter of lack of labor…  IT CAN’T BE BUILT!”

A little simpering, complaints, and self-aggrandizations left the Coven of Pointy Hats, but the combined assault amounted to nothing. Even if Henri is weak to individuals who just say what they think, those thoughts need to have legitimacy. Since I destroyed her tower, impressed her into employment, and have her former subjects in my lands, I have legitimacy, even if I did those things to her. A bunch of idiots who took resources they didn’t own, for a project they weren’t asked for, and who’ve now made problems for her? Yeah. They didn’t have a shred of legitimacy at the start, and now they’re in serious debt. 

 Naturally, that only ticked off my Lich more.

“I… I am going to pretend that those words did not leave the worthless orifices you call mouths. That magic will be weaved by words that leave your tongues is an utter disgrace.” Ooh, A’Bel, write that down. That’s some good stuff. I haven’t had the chance to talk down to a Mage, because I have them killed as fast as possible through as much violence needed, so I don’t have much practice. I need to make up for it via theory. “You are all here because you are refuse, because you are unwanted, and unneeded by all other Kindred, yet upon being given room, board, and pay, you believe yourselves better and more capable than the one who brought you into his service!?” 

A few attempted to disagree, but faceless NPC characters vs a Main Character can only have form of ending. 

Their absolute, instant defeat.

Henri, why can’t you be a man, so I have to worry less about all my citizens being Kindred?

“The right to research, the right to pursue your own projects, and the right to use the resources of Ylstu are all not yours. And, they never shall be, if you never prove your worth, and refuse to act in the capacity you’re expected to.”  Careful, Henri, if you keep talking like that, I’ll start thinking you somehow enjoy being put under someone’s thumb, forced to work to the bone, and given immense challenges. Just so you know, if I know you’re enjoying this, I’m just going to give you more work, until you can’t. “I know not from which misbegotten, backwards villages from whence you all came, where you were all lauded, but here and now you are nothing but miscreants I have been entrusted to reform into useful members of society!”

The Noble-turned-Lich didn’t even give the group a chance to speak up, before turning at them and unleashing her magic. Sometimes, I forgot that she’s a woman who kept a territory going for years in Empire soil, and who intended to inflict tremendous amounts of vengeance upon the Empire. Sauntering around in lingerie every day, which I’m sure is steadily covering less and less, tends to fuck over any intimidation points someone has. However, when a Lich flares her power, making the sun’s light actually dim, forming frost upon the street she stood upon, and having dozens of bones crawl from her cloak… yeah, it’s a pretty good reminder that Henri’s not someone to be fucked with. 

Unless you had a bunch of magic-resistant Amazons who can blitz her tower, and hit everything she’s got with flying battering rams. 

Example: Me. 

“You have all used your singular ounce of leeway from me! Henceforth, one mistake from any of you will result in exile, until I have only those willing to learn, listen, and do as they are told!” What a pompous declaration, complete with aggrandized finger-pointing, and billowing cape. Again, Henri-san, you’d be more impressive with all your special frost, shadow, and rattling bones if you chose to wear more than lace lingerie. Lace-covered tits and ass lower intimidation values, just so you know. Lewdness confers a -100 malus to intimidation, unless you’re sufficiently powerful, where that malus turns into +1000 modifier, if you qualify. Which you don’t. “Do you all understand?”

Anyway, after the NPCs all bowed their heads, submitted, and walked toward the tents being pitched for them to stay in until their new home is up, Henri finally looked up to face me.

“I should throw them all out for being incapable of noticing a Demon, Lord Hikigaya.” Henri groused, while I had A’Bel carry me down, and Reiser joined us by leaping down from the rooftop. She cast a cautious gaze on A’Bel for a moment, before shaking her head, and approaching Reiser. My imitation, brown-haired elf stiffened at her approach, but relaxed when the Lich just had her raise her hands to have her cuffs examined. “The Coven you acquired are, as you would say, utter trash. It is a group composed entirely of individuals with power and potential, but with such temperaments and personalities that no one wished to take them.”

“Throw them out if they’re shit. Keep the good ones. I’ll get more, if the ones left can’t do what I want.” Batting away A’Bel’s mussing with my clothes and hair was wasted effort, so I didn’t bother as she just had to smooth my clothes out, take off my hat, and fix my hair after our descent. I get it. I should be presentable at all times. Let me talk to my subordinate who’s actually doing something important, while I have to show you around, train an idiot, and look for things to fix. “What are you planning on doing with these?”

“Their fates are yours to decide. They have been made with Satchels I left for the fools to study, and the building you had commissioned, and intended to make use of after they were situated.” Henri extended her hand toward me, and offered me a plain ring made of smoothed stone and wood, which lit up and activated the control seal on the Golems. Of course, it was a swirling, stylized heart crotch tattoo on the Golems, because why wouldn’t they be? They’re literally made of rock, stone, and magic…dammit, the majority of that magic gave them the ability to fuck and nothing else, didn’t it? “Even with your limited amount of magic, you should be able to use this—

“Don’t want it. Break it, if it doesn’t kill them.” Huh? What’s that surprised look about? Did you think losing a building and a few satchels will make me okay with owning slaves, Henri? Well, you’re wrong. So, stop looking so surprised, close your mouth, and crush that shit ring you have in your palm.  “If they die if you break it, tell the Coven that they have a month to figure how to free the slaves they wanted to give me, or I’ll treat them like anyone else should treat slavers.” 

“Lord, these Golems are more effective, when they’re being directly commanded—

“I don’t care. Weren’t you listening? Don’t you get it? I don’t want slaves and they’re slaves as long as that ring exists.” In fact, how many Golems work for Kindred? This Coven thinking it’s a good idea, and that it’ll curry favor with me, makes me think there’s a lot. I’ll have to contact Roseanne about this, because if she thinks she can use my ideas in a nation built off of the backs of slaves…  well, I’ll just have to see where things go, if that’s the case. “Even if it’s their fucking fetish, I’m not tolerating any of that shit here. Do you understand, Henri?”

Thankfully, Henri got the hint, gave a meek nod, and turned away from me. She walked over the assembled, lewd artificial life forms that would’ve made Yoko Taro proud, and began weaving her magic. Since I didn’t have a clue what was going on, I turned to A’Bel for an explanation.

“Ah, of course, my dear summoner! I’ll be happy explain.” Oi, where’d the necktie, spectacles, and pointer come from? If you can make costume additions like that, why don’t you put on a blouse and some pants, so you can cover up? You might be technically wearing clothes, but I’m sure you’d be arrested for public nudity in your outfit in any civilized state. “The Lich is currently undoing the seal upon the Golems, allowing them to mature beyond simple automata composed of basic materials, and progress as individuals. Inherently, such creatures are bereft of souls, purpose, and identity until the seal is undone by their beloved, or their mistress.”

“So, they’re common amongst the Kindred?”

“Typically, Golems take too much magic to create, but you have your wonderful containers produced en masse. With such plentiful, sturdy materials and your Satchels, it is child’s play for any adequate mage to craft an army of soldiers for you… if you didn’t mind slaves, of course.”

“And, I do, so that’s out of the question.” Well, it looks like Golems being a hidden underclass of the Kindred isn’t something I need to be worried about for now. Roseanne’ll need time to beat every one beneath her, and it’ll be a while before she churns them out, because she has other options for firepower that doesn’t need as much resources and money pumped into it. I guess, I’ll have to bother Tanis about sending her a letter as soon as possible, just to make sure it doesn’t happen. “They’re better off working for me, paying taxes, and buying things from me that I tax.”

“My dear summoner, you make society sound much worse.”

“Wrong, society’s shit, but at the very least you can go complain, do something different, and fuck off if you don’t like it. And, of course, I have to work and make sure you all stay alive.” A’Bel laughed lightly. Reiser cracked a smile. Wow. How surprising. There’s a brain in there that can understand humor. Truly a wonderful discovery that will be remembered forever as a milestone in scientific discovery. “Yeah, yeah. Laugh all you like, but even if what I’m doing is bad, I’d like to see you point out someplace better. I don’t have to have to have the best way of doing things, I just have to be better than everyone else.”

There’s nothing like a few years of slavery and constant combat to ingrain those words further in my mind. I might have said it in passing many times, in another, better life, but it’s an absolute, irrefutable truth in this world. There’s caveats, prices, and taxes attached to everything I offer to everyone living in Ylstu, but they get benefits they wouldn’t have anywhere else. The same goes for combat. I don’t need the absolute best troops. I just need plenty of the ones that can do their job, and make up for what they can’t do by supporting them with unmatched mobility, firepower, and logistics.

Therefore, I’ll take fifty potential citizens who’ll learn skills, stay, and have the potential to rise above menial labor over fifty slaves who’ll never change, even if I don’t need to pay them. Fifty mediocre individuals with potential to change, in the town I’ve made, is better that fifty unthinking bodies. 

So, turned to glare into Reiser’s single, uncovered eye, while Henri became buried beneath a pile of Golems that were far too squishy and lewd for things made of rock and stone. 

“Unfortunately for you, there’s no magic that’ll fucking fix you as easily. There’s no magician who’ll come sweep you off your feet, snap his fingers, and make you different in a single moment.” If people can change just because they wanted to change, then not only this world would be better, but so would the world I’d left behind. Human beings came to be because we’re ruthless primates who developed brains to become better, ruthless primates. We’re what we’re made to be, and to be different, we need to be forced to by either ourselves or others. Luckily for Reiser, I’m the sort who holds a massage grudge, so I’ll be changing her whether she wants to or not. No matter what. “All you have is someone who absolute hates your guts.”

At my words, Reiser gave only a small nod in return, but that was good enough.

I’ll take that over her mouthing off empty promises and oaths any day of the week.

Prove yourself through action, because that’s all I’ll ever believe in from you.