Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero 35

Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero 35

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Wordcount: 2500

Commissioned by Shaderic

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Winning in society has always been about manipulating the system for your benefit. Sure, leaving it alone and doing nothing to it will be for the best for everyone, but what’s best for everyone isn’t the absolute best for yourself. Humans are inherently selfish creatures, therefore those with the know-how, ability, and time to invest in bettering their position, will make their aforementioned position better, while making sure no one else can follow behind them.

Power, influence, and resources are all limited, so why share it, when you can take all you can, weld the doors shut behind you, and make sure that no one else can do the same?

Having More = Good.

Such is the primal instinct of the brain. Ruthlessly gathering resources for oneself, giving only if required so there’s other hairless apes to get killed, is an inherent portion of the human condition. Morality, justice, and ethics all come after that, as people found themselves on the bottom of the pile, but with enough brains to make their case, gather up followers, and force those in power to give them more.

If they were there at the start, they’d have been the ones to take power first, though.

In the end, everything about humanity can be summarized by power. The masses are born into worlds where people are already in charge, and they accept whatever “laws” and “traditions” there are, until someone’s born, who doesn’t like what they’re born into, and they speak up, until they either die, get killed, or just can’t be ignored. Then, if they can’t be dealt with, they get to make some change that betters their lot in life, at as little cost as possible for those in power. 

Naturally, given my position as ruler Ylstu, these facts are very useful to me, because I can make sure whoever has the brains to fuck me over will work for me instead of fighting for “rights” and “liberties.” If I have all the talented, elite individuals under my control, the rest of the mob will just do what I tell them to, as well as appreciate everything that I give them. Not only that, but I can stay ahead of the curb perpetually, by giving them things their shitty, medieval, and magic-based society never got around to, because all their leaders are super OP. 

I might not be able to stand against Roseanne and my “peers” in terms of power, but if I get enough talent and power loyal to me, it’s not going to matter. 

Yep, as long as I take care and meticulously follow my plans, I’ll have a cadre of talented, OP Kindred of my own that’ll be of sufficient quality and quantity to face off against any of my neighbors, and maybe even my boss.

Then, once I have them, and the political clout to challenge Roseanne… I can fuck over the Empire as much as I want without their help.

Eh?

What’s that?

You thought I was out to take over the Kindred’s weird alliance of city-states?

Why the heck would I want to fix up a giant mess, when just improving Ylstu forever is better?

…

“My goodness… this entire building is dedicated solely to make scholars of the young?” A’Bel was doing the “ara-ara” whispery voice thing, completely with palm against her face, as she looked upon the “school” that’d I’d created. It was just one of the dorms, but with the walls between a few rooms knocked down, so that I could get some classrooms and a place to store school supplies. Clay tablets, sticks, and other aides for reading and writing, but there were a few freshly-printed books for those who actually had braincells to rub together. “Despite it’s wonderful purpose, it’s very innocuous… just like you, my dear Summoner!”

I ignored A’Bel in favor of bullying—teaching Reiser.

“Pyscho Lamia’s taken hostages with a Satchel inside the building, during a class. Thirty Kindred lives are in your hands. How do you save them?” Teaching the idiot tactics, cultivating her mind, and giving her strategies to use when she doesn’t have enough time to think is imperative. Despite the makeover into a dour, brown-haired half-elf with an eyepatch, and looking very out of place wearing a suit and body armor, Reiser’s still a beatstick without a brain. Using her in combat like an Amazon’s the best, short-case solution, which is why I’ve got her with Ur, but long term? She needed a brain to be more than an Amazon with better stats. “I want an answer after we finish checking the building, Reiser. A’Bel, here’s the inventory. Tell me if anything’s missing.”

“Of course, my dear summoner.”

“Yes, Hikigaya-san.”

A’Bel sauntered away in her typical, exaggerated fashion, while Reiser kept pace with me, as we all entered the building. Like the dorms it was based off of, it was four stories tall, mostly made of wood, and had a central, communal area where the Kindred could gather, cook, and spend time together. Again, I just stipulated the rooms be larger, hold lots of chairs and tables. It’s the same as every other dorm in Ylstu popping up everywhere besides that, since it’s useful to have many, many similar looking buildings everywhere, when you have opponents who stare at things to blow them up.

No, wait, that’s too morbid, even for me.

Because it’s cheaper to have the same thing build again and again.

Much better. 

And, since I’ve mentioned cheap things that are literally everywhere…

“Oi, shadow sluts, I need one of you.” Upon my call, one of Kurama’s Kunoichi emerged from the behind a bush. Much like the bush, all she wore were leaves. Unlike the bush, the leaves were rapidly falling off her body. Judging by the rate and pace by which her skin was being revealed, I had only moments to act before being flashed—nope, that’s wrong. She made them all burst off of her the moment I got looked at her and became the slightest bit interested. I’m just talking to an Assassin wearing only a mouth mask, while the rest of her fit curves were in full display. Dammit. “Hide in one of the rooms. Make a few noises. Muffled. Reiser needs to find you after our tour, or she fails.” 

The Kunoichi crossed her arms, raised an eyebrow, and tapped her sandaled foot questioningly in the nude at me, because of course she would.

“No, you don’t get anything for winning. None of you do. All of you get off just being seen. Now go, slut.” My disparaging comments earned only a very bouncy nod and thumbs up from one of the Clan of Hidden Exhibitionist Submissive Masochists, before she disappeared. Wait. There’s another set of thumbs up from another Kunoichi just in the corner, in the shadows, and wearing only those shadows. She vanished to flash me in the corner of my vision elsewhere, whilst continuing to protect me, because that’s just how the Perverts enjoy their jobs. You’re all lucky sexual harassment laws will never be allowed in this world. “Reiser, you also have to figure out which room it’s taking place in, after our walk.”

“I understand.”

With that I began one of my many tours in my many new facilities in Ylstu, not only to make sure that it was working as intended, but also to jog my memory. I’ve been gone from Japan for many years, so a lot of things needed some stimulus in order to come back to the forefront. Thankfully, I didn’t a catastrophe to befall me to remember some new thing that’ll help me out, but my memory isn’t perfect enough to remember everything and anything about modern society with a little help.

Thankfully, once I looked at my slapdash attempts to remake society, I did remember a lot of things that I needed to implement. 

The groups needed to be segregated by age, as well as by their race, since they all learned at different rates. Wyverns are slow learners, while Harpies were skittish, and teaching them even basic literacy was a challenge for the smattering of people I’d gathered who knew how to read. Putting a weak teacher in front of a stronger class is also a big no-no, because even if everyone’s on their best behavior, when the class inevitably gets rowdy, they need to reestablish order… which is impossible for a bespectacled Nekomata in a room filled with Wyverns. 

Then, there was also the need to have different tools for every species, since some Kindred had claws, scales, feathers, fur, or whatever else at the ends of their hands, which made some forms of writing impossible for them. Pencils, styluses, chairs, and even desks needed to be made for specific species, which is a pain in the ass, but what can I do about that? Spending four hours a day doing clerical work is hell for most kids, but young adults who have half-shifts later? Yeah, they needed as many accommodations as I could provide, just so they don’t waste my time and money. 

Finally, as the last change I needed to make, I needed to reinstate the horror that is testing and posting of grades for everyone to witness after midterms and finals. Is it a horrible thing to inflict on a tribal/medieval society that believes in intellect, skill, and strength above all? Actually, it’s horrible to inflict on any society. However, if there’s anything that’s going to incentivize the predators living in Ylstu to work hard and learn, it’s so that they can prove themselves better than everyone else. If it worked well during the training to deliver parcels and pull my transports, it’ll at least help out a little in my attempt to introduce public education. 

Impending public shaming of idiocy aside, and the oversights regarding species and age, my attempt at making a public institution for learning seemed to be working. 

However, only time will tell how long it’ll be before I could introduce them basic arithmetic and science, and start weeding out the weak, so that I could find the real intellectuals. 

Well, no matter the case, after I change the policies and make it better, I’ll simply keep an eye on it and see how everything goes.

As much as I want to be able to just do some invasive procedure to scan brains and figure out who’s smart and could be a potential threat, so that I could cut them in and have them on my side, this process is going to take a while.

Hopefully, Reiser can rise up from idiocy and single-mindedness before that happens though.

No, Reiser, every plan you’re muttering beneath your breath is just going to get literally everyone killed, dammit!

…

Of all the things I’d introduced to this world, including magical satchel charges that can blow up Heroes, it’s naturally booze that starts netting me extreme sums of money. 

After getting confirmed that I was going to get some Oni to supplement my Amazons, I set some of my constant influx of Dwarves towards making a distillery. Those who were mining complained rigorously, until they were all involved in the process of making it, and so with me stamping “yes” onto anything they asked for, the biggest building in my town became a distillery… inside a mountain… where a small colony of dwarves all lived, after they deconstructed their dorms and shuffled it all in. 

Technically, it’s a bad idea to let a smaller, better-fortified town exist next to your town, but since they had no way to procure supplies, and I didn’t allow them to have any weapons, I allowed it to happen. Putting up new dorms where the old ones used to be was easy enough, and they handled their infrastructure, and continued to do their jobs, while also paying their taxes. Since I could just set fire in their air vents if they decide to declare independence and refuse my rule, I could also retaliate, kick them out, and hire other Dwarves to take their place.

And, if they had some means against getting smoked out, I had explosives, Amazons, and more explosives.

But back to the distillery.

Apparently, I gave the dwarves the means to fulfill their dreams, because the reason why any dwarf worked their ass of in mines was to have enough funds to make a facility where they could make alcohol.

I’d expected kegs filled with things that were to ferment in a massive, stone warehouse in the depths of a mountain. Instead I received something straight out of absurd fiction, where Dwarves are somehow more technologically advanced than everyone else, and somehow not conquering the entire world. If you have the numbers, the best weapons, and the ability to peruse the sciences, even at the cost of having middling magic… how the heck are you supposed to lose in a fantasy world?

Apparently, the answer is that the Dwarves have put all their advanced sciences, metallurgy, and minds towards alcohol. Because instead of kegs, large pots, and maybe some barrels of win, I was looking at five, massive bronze tanks, secured in the heart of a mountain, in which potatoes, barley, and any other carbohydrate the Dwarves could get their hands on became “Dwarven Liquor” through a mix of science, alchemy, and Dwarven magic.

True Dwarven magic.

The only form of Dwarven magic.

And, it’s entirely devoted towards making liquor.

When I arrived to take stock of it, the Dwarves were crying, weeping, and doing other things out of celebration and joy, as the machines churning, steamed, whistled, and pumped in all their magi-tech, steampunk, and bronze glory. The Kindred I’d hired to be disposable miners looked up to me, shook my hand, and offered me many lewd things that would’ve made me sweat, if I was into women as tall as my waist.

So, I shook hands and just looked at the absurdity I’d accidentally allowed to come into being, by giving Dwarves a blank check.  

A blank check that was going to churn out dozens of barrels a month, attract the attention of other Dwarves, and make a veritable fortress filled with alcoholic miners for me to exploit. The Distillery will attract roving troupes of Dwarves searching for purpose, and whose homes had no more space and liquor to spare, and so the mountain will continue to be hollowed out, fortified, and eventually become a holdfast bristling with siege weapons and angry women whose entire lives are devoted to making liquor, drinking it, selling it, and becoming famous for it.

Since the merchants bought up all the excess, and all the Oni got hammered and proposed to me the next day, I did the only reasonable thing possible in regards to the Dwarves.

Put a tax on all sales of their alcohol with all the proceeds from the tax going back into making more of their devices, until they needed to break open another mountain… which I’ll also fund.

Yeah, if not for A’Bel, Reiser, and my complete disinterest in pedophilia with extra steps, I probably would’ve never escaped the distillery/mountain fortress.