Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero 40

Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero 40

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Wordcount: 2500

Commissioned by Shaderic

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Question: if you know the opponent’s objective, what do you do? Pick all that apply.

A. Surrender the objective.

B. Defend the objective.

C. Hide the objective.

D. Hold the objective hostage.

The answer is all of the above, because that’s how I’d make every test in the world. If you’ve got the guts to just fill in every multi-choice answer without hesitation, you totally deserve to enter society. However, for everyone who studies their butts off, you don’t just need academic knowledge, but the courage necessary to fill in every question’s answer as “A, B, C, D.” without losing faith in yourself. Life requires more than theoretical knowledge, but theoretical knowledge backed by self-belief is more than enough to succeed, until someone of status decides to step on you, of course.

But enough about that.

Back to the matter of how to deal with being the target of a living, super-OP curse, because I killed someone someday for some reason I can’t remember. 

The whole situation is shitty, because I’m being targeted by the embodiment of a sore loser’s tears and salt. There’s nothing worse than a person who can’t just gracefully accept defeat, lay down, and die like they’re supposed to. If you’re killed, you should die, and let those who are still alive settle things. 

Naturally, of course, I’ll accept a person coming after me with vengeance in mind if they’re alive. I’m a hypocrite in many respects, but I understand vengeance, and I encourage it so that I can kill my opponents off before they become recurring villains. Please, don’t think things through, just abandon your family, your wealth, and your support groups, so that you can look for me and kill me, so that I can make sure you’re not a problem as soon as possible. If you do this, I’ll give you a Five Star Review for your extremely delivery service, y’know?

But coming for vengeance after I’ve killed you?

I vehemently, utterly condemn you with the worst, 0 Star Review. You are an E-Rank opponent and a trash tier filler villain. Not only do set the precedence that any strong opponent can come back, but you’re also contributing nothing to the story. You’re just a random bastard I killed off, you have no backstory, and absolutely no one wants you to win. Do you think this is an American movie, where the opponent can just be “the protagonist’s parallel with the same abilities but stronger?”

If ya came back to life because I killed your dog, or your family, or ruined your village, sure, I’d get it.

But coming back to life just because you were killed?

Seriously?

That’s shit. 

End of product review. 0/10. Would not purchase enemy again.

Anyway, as much as I didn’t like being the target of the pinnacle of sore losers, i.e. Dullahan-san, I couldn’t deny that knowing how the encounter would play out wasn’t a massive boon. If I’m the target of the opponent, that means that I can control the tide of battle, and that the initiatve is entirely in my hands, because I’m the objective. 

I can increase the distance between me and my opponent.

I can make defenses and strategies solely around myself. 

I can hide myself away, forcing my foe to engage in fight after fight, until she’s too whittled down.

I can also “threaten” to destroy myself, if my opponent had any bright ideas about luring me from hiding, and even end the threat completely by “just” killing myself. 

Those are all just tools that I can implement to control the tide of battle, and not ones that I have to commit to in the slightest, too. Technically speaking, if I committed to one of them, winning is totally in the bag. I can have the Dullahan chase me out of Ylstu and into an awaiting army and fortress. If I didn’t want to be indebted to a neighbor, I could run until a defensive position could be assembled in Ylstu. Then, of course, I could hide or hold myself hostage, if I wanted to prolong the fight forever.

Unfortunately, if I wanted to maintain my reputation amongst my peers and vassals, I can’t choose any of those options—pwahahah.

Man, I can’t even say that with a straight face.

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“I’m going to be the bait. No questions. It’s happening.” The strategy room went quiet when I declared my plan, so that they could begin altering their suggestions and proposals. Unlike the first time I asked for the various assembled for their ideas and contributions to the war plan, there was no sudden burst of collaboration, team-building, and conference that a certain, buzz-word obsessed Student Body President would approve greatly of. “Well, am I going to have to make the entire plan myself, or what?”

From A’Bel to Ur, all my commanders and advisors were displeased with my declaration, which was a surprise. I’d thought at least Ur would just sigh and shake her head, but begin working as she was told. Instead, it seemed as though even my Amazon bodyguard was glaring at me with her sharpest glare, as though my proposal was utterly unacceptable.

Despite the fact it was what would let Ylstu survive with the most minor damage possible.

“My dear Hikigaya, as you said yourself, this land can be replaced while lives cannot. Destruction of the buildings, the crops, and other such things pale in comparison to losing you.” A’Bel said exactly what I expected her to say, but what I didn’t expect was everything else about her response. Her voice was cold and cool, instead of carrying it usually twinge of mirth, and her body was freakishly, utterly stock-still. “Do not demean yourself. You are not a lesser being whose life can be wagered in exchange for buildings and crops… it will displease me immensely, if you do.”

Surprisingly, Ashe spoke up before anyone else, after A’Bel said her piece.

“Alpha, life is not to be of spending. Those words from you give me great displeasure. Please, do not say them again.” Given her usual obedience, I had to take Ashe’s words seriously. In terms of control, I didn’t have much over her. I didn’t have any way of disciplining her beyond threatening the rest of her pack, since actually punishing them would most likely have her renege on our tenuous agreement. “Your life is of great importance to me. I am not of wanting you to risk yourself for a better battle.”

If it were only those two, I could go ahead with my plan to use myself as bait, regardless of their personal feelings. 

Unfortunately, when Kurama spoke up, she did so with silent consent of everyone else present by standing and not being told to sit by everyone else at the table.

“Hachiman, I understand that your proposal is the most efficient form of battle available to us. And, it is honorable to risk your life for your nation.” Tch. There it is. The political mind that I’ve been trying to avoid fighting all this time. Miraculously, given all my concessions to her, I’ve never had to confront the fact Kurama’s been raised to lead all her life, while I’ve picked everything i’ve got from the gutter. “However, you must acknowledge your own worth to the people of Ylstu, if you fall against this foe, this place will become yet another battlefield… and everything you have worked for will be cast to the winds of time, as well as forgotten by history.”

Dammit, the approach she was taking was obviously aimed completely and utterly towards me, because she was making appeals that I couldn’t just reject.

Risking my life in battle is fine. I’ve done it time and time again, and I have the scars to prove it. However, in all those battles, I’ve never had a foe that targeted solely me, because I was the source of all its hate, anger, and anguish. I know more than anyone how dangerous someone is when they have nothing to lose, when they’ll throw away everything in exchange for a single goal, and concentrate their entire life into a single point in order to kill their opponent.

Hell, I was surrounded by mine right now. 

Ylstu is my weapon and my shield. Everything I bring from my memory to this world, every building I have made, and everyone in this room is part of the weapon I’m building to deliver a decisive blow to the Empire. In the face of the disaster I’m currently facing, I’ve done everything I can in order to keep it safe, so that it can continue to serve its purpose after the storm has passed. 

However, I can’t exactly use this weapon against the Empire if I’m dead.

Ur will look out for her Tribe, because she’s a decent person, no matter how the rest of the Amazons feel. Kurama will lead most of the normal Kindred away towards her province, then remake everything I’ve made to the benefit of her family in a much safer area. Ashe, Henri, and anyone else who doesn’t have a home will probably wander, before settling down, and not try to get themselves killed like sane, normal individuals. Out of everyone in Ylstu, only Reiser would go out of her way to fight the Empire for the rest of her life.

And, out of all of them, I’d think only Reiser would be making a mistake. 

In short, Kurama’s words were reminding me that I couldn’t see my work through if I died… and there was no reason at all for me to disagree.

“…Fine. I’ll shelve that idea, then.” The tension in the room dropped considerably after I forced myself to relent. Some part of me wanted to take a seat and let them have their victory, but since I’m not willing to have anyone pat themselves on the back over “beating” me, I took control of the situation. At the very least, even if I lost face, I bought off some of the “debt” that I owed Kurama for all her contributions to Ylstu. “I’m the target of this coming attack. How are we going to take advantage of that, if I’m not going to be bait? We’re not going to just let this information go to waste.”

There, I spoiled the table’s collective mood by implying that I’ll go back to my original plan, if a better one isn’t implemented. Yeah, if you all think you can celebrate beating me, you’re all in for a terrible surprise. Even if I’m not a big enough sore loser to come back to life after dying, Hikigaya Hachiman remains a regular, normal sore loser. If you’re all going to celebrate beating me, it’ll have to be behind my back without me involved, haha! 

Ah, that thought actually hurt a little, so don’t do that, okay?

I might cry.

“My lord, if I may speak?” I raised a brow when Henri raised her hand to ask for permission to speak. Since when did that happen? I though the only character development you’ve had is progressively less and less clothes, until you’ve reached the point where you’re wearing clothes that are lewder than being naked? Where’d this decency and decorum come from? “If you are a target, why should we not prepare a battlefield as you did when first fought with the Demon Lord?”

I turned to Sayuri and motioned for her to answer that question for me.

“The foe we face is highly mobile cavalry. You saw them only in the heat of battle, once they have reached and ingratiated themselves into enemy lines.” Sayuri recounted the information she’d told us, while Henri hadn’t been present in the first meeting. “Against human opponents, the strategy is sound, but not against foes who can burn barricades, leap over trenches whilst setting them ablaze, and match our strongest in single combat.”

In short, my upcoming opponents aren’t infantry, but tanks. Tanks that didn’t need bases filled with fuel, technicians, and ammo to supply them. Tanks that that could move through most terrain with ease. Tanks that could fire on the move, at aerial targets, and cut through anything that got close. In short, the method of fighting I employed to showcase my skills to Roseanne would be broken through in a heartbeat, and my little excursion into Empire soil via air didn’t have targets to hit to starve them out, or deprive them of supplies.

I’m firmly on the backfoot, even if I used myself as bait to drag them all over Ylstu. 

But Henri’s suggestion did have merit, because her wrong answer led me towards what might be the right one.

“Excuse me?”

Oh, did I insult Henri aloud by accident? 

“You… I am not stooping to your level, my Lord.”

I’ll just take the win, while you take the loss, then!

“Hachiman, we have only four nights and three days left. We should not waste time.” Ur, you really need to support me first and foremost. I’m your boss, y’know? Still, you’re right, I need to explain my ideas, before congratulating myself. “Please, explain.”

“Sayuri, if what I made for Roseanne wouln’t work, what would?”

“You would need a fortress, my Lord. A strengthened position with mages that can counter artillery and walls that can withstand magic.” That was what I thought. The loser brigade is composed only of tanks. It’s one part of an entire military force. That meant its inherent weaknesses weren’t being covered. “I see. Yes, the enemy doesn’t have the ability to make castles fall with their magic, due to their focus on frontline combat. Their horses and armor would only slow them, if they sought to scale walls… but we do not have a castle, my Lord, and using the Dwarven Keep will merely have us burnt to a crisp along with all who are sheltered there.”

That’s all true.

But I don’t need a castle.

I need a way to stop a cavalry charge, a decently-high wall that won’t be incinerated by a few angry glares, and a way to leverage the explosives I already had.

“Call the Dwarves and check if any Driders are still here. If they’re not, find them and contact them from the shelter.” I gave my orders quickly, as I searched the map for the most opportune spot. Placing it against a sheer mountainside would make less work for me. I found three possible spots and marked them to be searched later, once the Harpies came back from my previous order. “Take stock of all the satchels we have left, bring me one that’s empty, and one of Roseanne’s scholars.” The room was already moving quickly, Kurama assigning roles with practiced ease, so I turned to A’Bel who awaited my personal orders. “I want you to gather up every able-bodied fighter we have, and bring them under your control, so there’s no problems for the next few days.”

“May I ask why, my dear contractor?” 

As if you didn’t know, judging by that shit-eating smile on your face.

But, fine, I’ll say it.

“Because we’re making a castle in four nights and three days, you smug bitch. Listen once in a while, you might learn something.”