Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero 41

Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero 41

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Wordcount: 2500

Commissioned by Shaderic

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Reparations is the “prize” at the end of a war.

In medieval times, it was simple called looting and sacking a city, but in modern times armies loot and sack a city, before forcing the loser’s government to apologize publicly and pay the bill for the ultra-bad, super-terrible war that they must take responsibility for. Of course, one could get off relatively easily, if one has a key, strategic value in the future. Japan, despite fucking over most of Asia during WW2, ended up getting loads of material support and aid from the United States due to the simple fact they wanted us between them and the Soviet Union and its allies for the upcoming conflict. 

Why does this matter to my current existence in a fetishistic fantasy world?

It’s because I’m broke. 

Well, technically, that’s a lie.

It’s because I’m breaking even. 

And, the reason why is simple: summoned creatures have no drops. While Empire regular troops will drop amazing equipment, since they’re armored head to toe in magical artifacts to give them a fighting chance, all the Undead familiars created by the Dullahan all faded away into mist the moment I had A’Bel blow up the fortress/trap I’d set up. They didn’t leave behind the arms and armor of the bodies they were made from, thus leaving me in a bind, since I invested immense amounts of money in a one-off tactic to win.

The Drider silk, the immense amounts of manual labor, the cost of replacing equipment, and the manufacturing of so many satchels, as well as paying my citizens and the various merchants to come back without a fuss, emptied all my surplus funds. While I certainly don’t regret going pay-to-win, especially when everything ended up being necessary for a victory that ended on only a few dozen injuries that’ll require merely weeks to recover from on my end, I’m still at the end of my (financial) rope for the foreseeable future. I’ve borrowed all I could from Kurama’s family and from Roseanne, so while those debts were being paid off by what I’ve already go in place, only a massive, financial windfall can bring me back to my state before the Dullahan decided to fuck me over.

A financial windfall that I’d hoped would come from me literally claiming all the sweet, sweet loot from an entire Undead army as “reparations,” but didn’t because they all actually had the gall to die. I mean, is it too much to ask for enemies to actually drop a minimum amount of loot in this shitty world? I’d thought the best-case scenario was that I’d kill the Dullahan, find tones of Undead that I could use as a workforce towards all the projects I had planned, while the worst case would be that they only dropped their gear. 

Instead I get nothing.

Nothing.

My hands hold nothing.

Y’know, if I’m going walk a shitty path like this, I should at least get a kickass mental world filled with swords!

Otherwise, freakin’ ban Undead, because they literally cost everything to fight and give no rewards when they’re beaten, dammit!

…

“Wake up, Hachiman.” Ur, this act is old. The whole “girl comes into a boy’s room to wake them up” act is super old. You’re supposed to be an Amazon. A super-powered female warrior that wears very little for no reason. Nudging me awake carefully doesn’t fit your character. I want you to just take my pillow and smother me to death, please. Do you have a knife? Use that too. Please and thank you.  “You have been unsatisfied with your victory for long enough. It is time to act in spite of it, instead of becoming eternally defeated.”

Given those particular words, you’d think that I’ve been depressed for at least a month, or maybe even an episode and a half of a poorly-animated hentai series. 

But that’s not the case.

“I deserve at least two days of being depressed, dammit!” I’ve had one night of being depressed, you living incarnation of the tan tomboy fetish! One. Night! What sort of superhuman can recover from finding out they’ve overinvested and lost everything overnight!? I know that you have no concept of money, and that I’m literally handling all your finances because you can’t be assed to handle it, but you should be more considerate of a regular human being’s feelings! Do you know how many new, untiring workers I thought I’d get after blowing up a Dullahan that wreaked havoc all over the Empire’s Frontier? Cellphone-chan said she and the other dragons burned hundreds and barely made a dent… I had a chance at getting thousands of laborers I could set towards chopping down trees, mining, and farming, y’know!? “Give me a break! Two days of depression is all I’m asking for!”

Those Undead would’ve worked hard from start to finish in all their shifts. They’d have spent their wages on things that I taxed. Then, they’d work harder, so that they could earn more and be trusted. Education would kick in, and I’ll get an immortal core of instructors and technical professionals that don’t get sick. They’d spend more of their money, I’ll get more taxes, and maybe some will rise up to be useful to me on the political scene, thus giving me clerks, diplomats, or bodyguards that aren’t hedonistic flashers. 

Gah, just thinking about how much money I spent to kill that Dullahan and get nothing back makes me want to die. Damn you to hell, whoever the fuck you are, because you’ve certainly made my lie a living hell. Not only were you a headache to fight, but you also didn’t give me anything in return after all you did to me. I stopped all of Ylstu’s production, businesses, and venues for an entire week, bought so much inventory from everyone that I have to give some of it away so it doesn’t spoil, and it’ll take time before everything’s running like it did before you came.

Give it back.

GIVE ME BACK MY MONEY!

“You will only dislike yourself more, if you do nothing for two days, and waste more of your time.” Ur, how dare you use logic against me. Do you know who I am? I’m a young, Japanese man in another world. Logic is my special skill that’s supposed to solely be mine. Stop using it so effectively, because it makes me far less special as a person, if everyone can use logic just like me.

“Lady Kurama has a solution to your problems.”

“If that solution involves making babies, I’m not interested.” Given that Ur showed no signs of giving up, I gave up first before she really decided to act. Being forced out of bed is one thing, being carried out of bed by a young woman barely reaching my shoulder? That’ll pulverize the small bits of pride I have left. I must protect my fragile, easily-broken ego with deadly force and wanton violence. “But you already know that, so you wouldn’t be here if it was.”

“Correct. The solution is something I believe you’d accept, despite the fact that you’d dislike it.” Ur looked at a corner and, surprise, a Kunoichi wearing only suggestions of strings walked out of the shadow of my bedroom to get my bath running. Seriously, I invested a lot into a room that’s reasonably Kindred-proof, yet they just sneak in whenever they want to “protect” me. What sort of protection involves standing in the puddle in the corner of the room, huh? “She wishes for you to meet her parents, sell them a… ‘bussiness venture’ and procure more of her family’s wealth for yourself to invest into Ylstu.”

“So, after they’re sure that they’ve got a firm hold on Ylstu, they want to exploit it for themselves to make money back in their actual territory.” Man, I have to admit my in-laws-to-be are pretty scary people. Though they don’t have infinite money, they know how to use the money they have to make more money, and aren’t afraid to throw around their influence. How scary. How terrifying. How the fuck am I supposed to “beat” that? Highschool and mountains of media help with fucking over medieval, fantasy battles and campaigns, but actual politics where I don’t have leverage? How am I supposed to win here? “I have to bed over like a dog, work for them, so that I could get funds that I would’ve had if our last, shitty opponent actually gave us something for all our trouble.”

“Perhaps, this is a good thing, Hachiman. Your head has grown rather large, so it might for the best that you work for someone in order to deflate your ego.” Ur poked my cheek without a shred of hesitation with only the slightest of blushes on her face. So, even though it was somewhat of a tease, she was telling me what she thought. When was the last time I actually listened to someone else and didn’t try to find a loophole to exploit and do what I want? Huh. I honestly can’t remember. “Not only that, but as Ylstu rebuilds, you have nothing to do as nothing new can be made. Why not use this time to gain more funds for what you wish?”

So, the decision has another aspect that I’ve missed.

Submit a bit, work for another person, and see someplace other than Lust while it rebuilds, wastes my time, and reminds me of shitty drop rates. 

Or, stay in Ylstu, be depressed, and do nothing but be worthless until I save up enough money to start investing back into Ylstu again. 

Hikigaya Hachiman’s natural choice would be to stay.

But, I’m not just Hikigaya Hachiman, I’m also someone interested in pushing Ylstu forward, so that it can handle the Empire when the time comes. 

Therefore, the only acceptable answer for myself, is to do what I can in order to make money.

So, seeing the in-laws it is. 

…

“It shall only be a week of travel to reach my home?” Kurama’s eyes were wide, as she looked upon the map. I’d convened with Cellphone-chan, the Wyverns and the Harpies in regards to the how long they thought it’d take to travel all the way to the continent’s western-most coast. While the Harpies rattled a series of shitty numbers, the Wyverns and the Dragons were more helpful, with the average being a week. “And, we need not attend banquets in all the territories of all we must pass?”

“Just give them gifts from everything I bought, if you think they’ll be bitches about us just flying over their land.” I have literally no idea why banquets would be even necessary while passing through somewhere. Is it some sort of hand-shake event, where I’m supposed to make contact with my fellow fief-holders? Some sort of social event for rich people? Well, whatever they are, I’ll let Kurama handle it with all the extra stuff that’ll only gather dust or spoil, if I leave them in Ylstu. If gifts get me goodwill, then everything I bought to keep the merchants coming and happy will be worth it, at least. “You can handle all the talking. Just tell them I need to keep control over all the Wyverns and Harpies, to make sure we can fly the next day.”

Is this giving too much power to Kurama? She already has tones of money and influence invested in Ylstu, and is also the one communicating with the rest of our neighbors about our problems. Not only does she already have a force dedicated to her well-being on Ylstu, capable of inflicting a lot of damage, but now I’m making her the actual “face” of my province? Tch. On the surface, it just screamed “bad idea” but she also knew more about the rest of Kindred than me in terms of tradition, culture, and social expectations. 

In short, I have no choice but to trust her to be responsible, and tell her those responsibilities and power over Ylstu are her reward for all her efforts and help.

Only time will tell if she’s the sort of person that’s happy about being given more work for all her work.

But, until the inevitable confrontation, I’ll definitely use her, and give her as little of a reason to complain, as much as I possibly could. 

“We have Drider Silk Dresses, lacquered bento boxed with preserved foods, some jewelry here and there, and…whatever else you can find in the inventory.” I drew her attention from the map, and had A’Bel open the door to the warehouse where I put everything I purchased from the Merchants, so that they could make a tidy profit upon their evacuation. “Take all of this, combine it with your budget, and make it all ready for transport with help of the Harpies for our journey. We’ll be leaving in three days.”

Surprisingly, Kurama didn’t just say yes, but instead looked at me after gazing at the contents of the warehouse.

“All of this? I must use all of this?” I suppose anyone would be flustered by the size of the job. There’s almost three tons of various products in there. If I had to assemble and distribute it all, I’ll definitely cry, so Kurama’s undoubtably asking me if I’m truly such a cruel, hard-hearted individual. Oi, A’Bel, why are you laughing back there? Stop ruining my good mood. I’m making my potential political rival and threat to my rule tremble and quake in fear! “This entire warehouse?”

“Yeah. I am. I’m entrusting this all to you.” Nothing in this warehouse is going to be my problem anymore, including you, for the next couple days. I don’t have to worry about them spoiling, since my populace isn’t as needy as I thought, and you’re going to be too busy to fuck with me. This is a decisive masterstroke of brilliance from the mind of Hikigaya Hachiman—seriously, A’Bel stop laughing, you’re ruining my glorious moment. I have so few of these that I deserve to gloat, y’know!? “So, get to work, because you have a lot that you need to do.”

Kurama didn’t answer for a moment, most likely wracking her head with the impossible task I’ve given her—dammit, A’Bel let me enjoy myself!

I have a lot that needs to get done, before I leave Ylstu for the next month. More equipment needs to be made, roads better than dirt need to start getting laid down, and more people need to be recruited. All of that needs to be entrusted to people the only people I have in Ylstu, like Tanis, Henri, and—

A’Bel is still laughing. 

She won’t stop laughing.

For some reason, I don’t understand why, but the Devil over my shoulder is laughing at me assigning monumental amounts of work to my subordinates while I have a business trip where I’ll practically do nothing. 

You know that to be ominous and threatening, you need to at least give a guy a hint, right!?