Somehow, the Countryside is Different: Epilogue

Somehow, the Countryside is Different: Epilogue

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Commissioned by Sivantic.

Wordcount: 3250 

…

Hiratsuka’s cigarette fell out of her mouth, as she looked at the career form that I’d handed her.

Naturally, we weren’t meeting with my parents yet to discuss it. Since I’m a “problem child” and she’s my homeroom teacher who’s guiding me back to society, we have a closer relationship that most students and teachers. So, as we encountered each an evening after my tutoring school, she asked to see my form ahead of time.

Needless to say, she’s rather shocked at what she read.

“A-a temple priest!? And… you’ve actually got all the qualifications to be one!?” Her eyes were wide and she leaned on her midlife-crisis mobile for support. Oi, why do you sound so surprised? I told you all of this already. “I… I thought you were joking when you told me this was your goal! Holy crap, Hikigaya!”

“Well, I wasn’t joking. That was my actual plan, and I stuck to it.” Of course, I didn’t need to get all the qualifications that I did. I can take the role with just Reimu’s acceptance, since I was “keyed in” to the Hakurei Shrine. However, if I wanted to actually support Reimu and help ourselves out in the long run, then I actually needed to go a university. So, with a little embellishment and lots of research, I put my nose to the grindstone towards becoming an official Shinto Priest. “It’s literature based, right? So, I had that covered, and everything else just took time.”

“I… I suppose that’s true. You’ve attended workshops, have experience volunteering for years, and your grades are more than good enough to get into any university’s program.” After gingerly picking up and lighting her cigarette, Hiratsuka looked back at my sheet with a more professional gaze. Yes, please look for any mistakes I’ve made. I don’t want literal years of effort to go down the drain because of a single fuck-up. “Wait. Hakurei Shrine… as in your girlfriend’s Shrine? You’ve put your girlfriend’s shrine here!? You idiot!”

Eh?

“Eh? What are you talking about!? How am I an idiot for putting the Hakurei Shrine there? I’ll have you know that it’s actual, official Shrine!”

“You’re boinking the miko of the place, so it’s only natural there’s conflict of interest!”

“My years of work are invalid because I’m the boyfriend of the Shrine’s miko!? Are you crazy? We just started going out this summer, y’know!?”

“You’re not denying boinking!?”

“Teacher’s shouldn’t as that sort of question, especially Christmas cakes like you—

“Take that back right now, or I’m going to cry, Hikigaya-kun!”

“How about you don’t threaten me, and get a boyfriend instead, dammit!”

In the face of my infallible logic, Hiratsuka activated her super move, which is a grab that leads into a flurry attack. Yep, in the face of the truth, she chooses instead to noogie the young man who proclaimed it. Woman, you’re nice, pretty, and have a good mind for finances, any man would be lucky to have you. In fact, with those three qualities, you can probably seduce Reimu, so stop being depressed and act, dammit!

Thankfully, after draining her rage meter, Hiratsuka becomes far more amendable to listening, and the damage involved is negligible. 

After all, her entire character is “the best teacher.”

“Are you sure about this, Hikigaya-kun? I think you’ll disagree with a lot of the stuff the courses will have you learn.” Hiratsuka took a seat on the hood of the car, while I remained leaning against the lamp post. Any passerby would think we’re two adults having a heart-to-heart, or maybe some sort of romantic dialogue, but in truth it was just an excellent teacher talking to a less-than-stellar student. “You’re the logical type, and even though you like helping people, this isn’t the same way you like to help them.”

“Maybe not directly, but there’s a lot to learn from the material.” A lot of the curriculums involved studying history, accepting doctrine, and adhering to social standards. Naturally, my sensei thought that I wasn’t a fit for any of those things. However, what she didn’t know was that studying history will help me deal with many immortal Youkai, doctrines will teach me about ettiquete, and social standards are my first line of defense against everything in Gensokyo. Overall, I needed all the classes and could use them all to help myself in the future. “And, you know, there’s a lot of cultural subsidies an official, certified Priest can get from the state, if he’s especially good. Since I’m already committed, then it’s only natural I do my best, right?”

At my words Hiratsuka smiled, and let loose a small breath of smoke.

“Then, I guess you’ve got it all figured out already, Hikigaya-kun.” Hiratsuka laughed and tried to play it off, but I could see her pride making her tear up a little bit. Despite the fact that she was proud of me, I couldn’t help but look away, so that I could give her some privacy. It was awkward, but when I looked back after she sniffled once and cleared her throat, she was all smiles again. “So, I guess I’ll know where to get married once I find myself a man, huh? How much a discount can you give me, Mr. Priest?”

To those words, I only had a single, sincere answer to give with a smile.

“Please get married before I finish my four-year course, Sensei. Or, you’ll make me cry.”

…

Yuigahama Yui, once more, took a steadying breath, while staring at the door to the Service Club.

“Oi, if you keep that up, you’re going to take all of the air in the room.” I couldn’t help but comment on her actions, simply because it was ludicrous. It’s been ten minutes since class ended, and we’ve been in our club room for five minutes. She’s been “calming herself down” since we started walking together to our club. “Relax, Yuigahama, Reimu’s not for you to obsess and freak out over. That’s my job.”

Yuigahama turned to say something to me, with an embarrassed blush spreading across her face, but her best friend spoke up for her instead.

“So, you proudly admit to obsessing over your girlfriend? Don’t you think there’s more to life than that, Hikigaya-kun?” Oi, future politician/CEO/superhuman, I’m a boyfriend. I’m allowed to obsess over my girlfriend and freaking out over the fact that she’s at my school. Don’t you know she’s lived in the country all her life? I’m sure I’ve told you this. So, you should understand that I’m worried she’ll get lost on her way here, despite the fact my family has provided her a smartphone and I’ve taught her how to use directions. “Yuigahama is merely anxious at meeting the girlfriend of the boy she and I involved in an accident. I am anxious myself, but my composure shouldn’t permit you to belittle her.”

“Y-yeah! What you Yukinon said! Reimu-chan sounds amazing, so I’m just worried she won’t like me for getting you hurt!” I think, with how your squirming around in that white, collared shirt, Reimu will like you less for your Yui-yui’s instead of what you did to me by accident. Surprisingly, my childhood friend turned girlfriend is very jealous of certain proportions of other girls. I don’t mind, because I get to console her and make her feel pleased about herself, but you should probably stop squirming so much. She’ll think you’re trying to seduce me or something. “Ne, Iroha-chan, aren’t you a little anxious about this, too?”

“Eh? No way. I still think, Senpai’s making up his super-awesome, perfect Miko girlfriend, y’knooowww?” How can you hurt me this way, Kouhai? I’ve done nothing besides foist a job on you that you didn’t want, and force you on a path where you need to be exceptional, when all you wanted was to get others to be less mean to you and attract an Ikemen loaded with cash. Mhmm, right, you’re free to continue hurting my feelings. Just know that your current route and approach will blow up in your face when Reimu shows up. “I think Senpai just spends his summers at home playing eroges and breathing through his mouth! The lack of oxygen and his fetishes have just made him fantasize too hard.”

Yuigahama giggled at Iroha’s words.

Yukinoshita smiled at the attack on my person.

Iroha looked proud of herself, as per usual.

And, longed for sweet death to come, as my friends didn’t hesitate to unload their anxiety upon me.

Thankfully, as is usually the case when I’m in trouble, Reimu arrived when I needed her the most.

BAM!

And, she nearly broke the sliding door due to her nerves.

Reimu looked more nervous than I’d ever seen her before, due to several factors. The first, of course, was the fact that she was meeting with strangers I spent time with every day. The second factor was that she was wearing what mom gave her to wear going out, a long red skirt that matched her bow and white, sleeveless, and collared blouse, which looked nice but she wasn’t comfortable wearing at all. Thirdly, and finally, she probably got hounded all the way to the school by various uncouth individuals, and even more uncouth individuals and Zaimokuza upon entering the school.

Because she’s so pretty that she’s seems to be model for a magazine.

Well, to me, all of that was obvious, but judging from the sudden intakes of breath and leaning away of my friends from the door… my girlfriend was unfortunately being looked upon like some sort of super demon lord. The untrained, non-boyfriend gazes of my clubmates and kouhai could only see Reimu’s twitching brow (cute), her slightly heavy breathing (cute), and her grit teeth (cute.) 

Yes, indeed, though she saved me from being bullied for the sake of restored nerves, I had to assist her right away before the situation deteriorated.

So, I stood up and greeted her. 

“Yo, Reimu. Take my seat.” I was closest to the door, so it was easy enough to reach my slightly out-of-breath girlfriend and offer her a handkerchief. While I’m sure that many questions would arise as to why I was carrying a handkerchief later, I’ll have to lie to my companions, because I couldn’t tell them I got into the habit of carrying one for Reimu’s sake. Beating up Youkai tended to make a person sweat, after all. “How harassed did you get on the way here?”

“The city… the city is full of perverts everywhere! People kept asking for my number and my name, after I told them I have you!” Reimu fumed. Ah. My Boyfriend-Vision has disrupted my mental faculties. She’s not nervous at all. She actually is pissed off and all three of the regular humans in the room had natural, instinctive reactions. “They… they tried taking pictures of me, asking me to make peace signs, and smile for them no matter what I did!”

When situations like this arose, with Reimu utterly frazzled and on the brink of blowing something up, I usually acted without hesitation in order to defuse it. Hugging, being there, and some light affection worked exceptionally well whenever Reimu’s temper threatened to remodel Gensokyo’s topography due to the antics of one or more Youkai. 

However, as of this moment, we’re not in Gensokyo and the belligerents aren’t Youkai, but people. 

And, the individuals watching us weren’t Youkai, but people I knew, had in my phone, and will probably constitute my “circle” later in life. 

So… I didn’t hesitate whatsoever to calm Reimu down in the quickest and most effective manner by tilting her furious features upward by her chin, and giving her a swift, quick… bop on the head.

“Stop that and play nice, Reimu.” 

As much as I’d like “calm-down-kisses” to work with Reimu, since that gives me plenty of excuses to do what I want, she’s unfortunately a normal, stable girl who’s just too used to solving problems with violence. Does that statement contradict itself? Most likely, but that’s just how it goes. A quick, decisive action that makes her blink and reevaluate the situation with fresh eyes is what’s necessary. 

Kissing her results in the opposite of her reevaluating the situation, typically.

Since I don’t have an exhibitionism fetish, that’s never happening in public ever.

Anyhow, what truly mattered now was the fact that Reimu finally managed to regain control over herself, thus a blush began to spread across her face as she looked at the rest of the room.

Yes, my cute, Shonen protagonist girlfriend, my normal friends did see all of that happen. 

…

Unsurprisingly, Yuigahama spoke up first, being the nice girl/normie that she is.

“Wow, Hakurei-chan, you’re so amazing. I can’t believe that you’re really real!” Oi, questioning the existence of my girlfriend is Iroha’s schtick, Yuigahama. Also you’re still squirming, and your Yui-yui’s are distracting my girlfriend and might be awakening something inside her. Stop it before lilies start blooming! I can’t compete with you, dammit! “You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen!”

“T-thanks.” Reimu flubbed. Wow, that’s super cute. She’s also looking for help in regards to the super-normie that’s now talking to her. It’s even cuter. “Hachiman, help!”

“Sorry, but she’s bad with compliments. Try to not give her so many, since everyone in the country is strange.” By strange, I mean on different spectrums of crazy. They don’t tend to be good people to talk to or get compliments from. “Gifts work better, since she likes stuff that she can keep and remember you by.”

“Oh! Then, I have a phone strap I won at arcade yesterday! Would you like it? It’s Pan-san!” First, Yuigahama, stop perfectly seducing my girlfriend with hints that I’ve just given you and your Yui-Yui’s. Second, Yukinoshita, don’t look so betrayed at losing a single phone strap! I know it’s Pan-san, but forgive Yuigahama for cheating on you just this once! “When we meet next time, I’ll be sure to have something else. Maybe a ribbon of another color?”

Needless to say, when Reimu looked to me for help, I could provide none as the Yuigahama Engine was in full throttle. 

Sorry, my cute girlfriend, but there’s no stopping this woman when she starts gabbing. 

I guess, you’ll talk to Yukinoshita and Iroha when Yuigahama leaves the party to join her normie friends and Ebina. 

I excluded Ebina in that sentence, because she isn’t a normie.

Nor an otaku.

She’s far worse and not getting within ten paces of my girlfriend. 

…

Yukinoshita chose a café to converse with Reimu, while Iroha and I debated on the merits of a café for a first date. While I valiantly defended the concept of a walking first date out of personal experience, my Kouhai insisted in the necessity of a memorable location. I pointed out a good relationship can make any location memorable, she called me gross, cheap, lazy, and cheap again, so I had to defend myself with tears in my eyes. 

From what I overheard of their conversation, Yukinoshita seemed to take pleasure in revealing everything unsavory I did on behalf of the Service Club, so that I could suffer for it latter.

I was already receiving collateral damage.

“Hikigaya-kun regularly uses underhanded tactics in order to gain victory.”

“He’s pretty weak, so he has to. That’ll change when he gets stronger and doesn’t have to.” One hit!

“Hikigaya-kun has a penchant to never ask for help whenever he could.”

“Yeah, that’s super annoying and needs to change. I hate it when he pretends everything’s fine, even when he’s hurt.” Two hit!

“Hikigaya-kun is talented, but lets it go to waste by making excuses about society.”

“Society is pretty terrible, but that’s no excuse, yep. He’s working harder now, but I’ll be sure to make him shine if he even starts to let go.” Three-hit combo! Hachiman’s corpse is still being juggled after he’s already died at the start of this conversation!

Please, Yukinoshita, stop telling her everything wrong with me with shining eyes!

Have a spec of mercy and just kill me!

Ooh, giant fluffy pancakes—and all three girls are taking pictures before I’ve even taken a bite.

That’s my order, y’know!?

…

Iroha was last, thankfully we used the same train to get where we needed to go.

Iroha was last, unfortunately we used the same train to get where we needed to go.

“And, Senpai always tries to act all cool, but he actually really likes being nice! He makes up all sorts of excuses, but if he can be nice to a girl and flirt with her… he would!” 

“Iroha, stop it!” Reimu hasn’t talked to me since Yukinoshita said her goodbyes and made a promise to meet at a cat café. Ever since then my Kouhai monopolized Reimu’s headspace, and began leaking ideas into it that would be the reason for my demise. “Stop!”

I’d raise my voice, since I believe in equality and the truth, but a grandma is sitting next to my right, while Reimu is between me and Iroha. 

“He’s cunning, too. If you let your guard down, he’ll make your heart skip a beat, then play all aloof to keep you thinking about him.” I do not do that! I’m an Otaku! We don’t have that sort of Skill in our character builds. That’s an Ikemen build you’re talking about. The distinction is immense, so stop trying to make me look better than I am! “I’m sure he did it tons of times to you, saying that he thinks of you like a little sister right? That’s his excuse so he can flirt with tons of girls, y’knowwww?”

Reimu, please, stop looking into the distance with dead eyes. Iroha is hanging off your arm and spilling lies into your ears. Her Kouhai appeal is ruining your ability to think and reason, I know she is because she’s done it to me, but you need to be strong. Destroy your sense of self and just operate off of instinct alone… wait, no, the train would blow up. Achieve enlightenment instead, that’ll keep you safe from Iroha!

“Ne, ne, also Senpai likes sweets a lot, so you should ask him to take you to tons of cafés. Since you’re his girlfriend, he won’t say no to you like me and everyone else, y’know?”

Eh?

What was that, my Kouhai?

“Well, this is my stop! Have fun in Chiba for the rest of you stay, Reimu-san! I’ll be busy for the rest of the week, so I won’t be able to see you!”

With those final words, Iroha slipped out of the car into the terminal, and when I checked just in case… she really was at her station.

However, before I could breathe a sigh of relief, Reimu scooted into Iroha’s seat… and promptly sighed and leaned against me.

“All three of those girls liked you a lot. Enough to get along with me, even though I kept you to myself.”

To Reimu’s words, I didn’t have a response, until a small smile made its way across her face.

“Thank you for choosing me, even though you could’ve been with a more normal girl with less problems, Hachiman.”

The moment I heard those words, I had to refute them immediately.

“There was no choice involved. The only I had eyes for since middle school was you.”

Reimu laughed.

“Not since forever?”

“Of course not, because I used to be an idiot.”

A/N: Unsurprisingly, this could have another Epilogue chapter, with just Reimu and Hachiman, but this is the original cutoff point for my outline.

I hope everyone had fun reading!