Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero 52: Interlude: Roseanne

Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero 52: Interlude: Roseanne

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Wordcount: 2500

Commissioned by Shaderic

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“So, his plan isn’t to undermine me, but make the lesser nobility more beholden to the people.” 

The moment Hikigaya moved from Ylstu, I had his movements and actions watched from afar. The Demon, A’Bel, complicated matters. She met the gazes of my mages, and did not hesitate to repel them from scrying him. However, even Demons of her caliber can be fooled, if at the cost of more time and assets I preferred to keep elsewhere. 

“Yes. The various courts are gathering what power they can amongst their populace, to be seen and loved more by their people.” Doppelgängers are difficult to find. They have more in common with Eldritch creatures that common Kindred, and they are brought forth into being by specific circumstance, natural rituals, rather than birth. Less than a dozen exists amongst the Kindred and I wanted them all in the innermost human lands, telling me of what is to come, instead of within Kindred lands. “It contests our efforts somewhat, but all across the realm, the livelihoods of the peasantry is bettered for their efforts.”

“…By mere words, he has moved the gentry to do what I’ve asked for years.” A headache was swiftly forming just behind my temple. The pains of stress always arose when Hikigaya Hachiman is considered. “And, he did not bother to explain his methods or goals, so at first glance it appeared that he was attempting to take power from me.”

Some would attest that such a thing is impossible for a single human, no matter how refined and capable his singular province is, as I am the Demon Lord of the Kindred. More would attest that I am paranoid, foolish, and weak to consider rising from my throne to act against Hikigaya Hachiman. They would say that, despite his valor and achievements, he is a singular man and is no threat to the entirety of the Empire and that his neighbors would rise up to take his lands, the moment he sought to rebel against me.

They are fools. 

“Give me all the information you have gathered. We will take it and use it for ourselves, or at least give “subsidies” which shall allow us to take advantage of the actions of the nobility.” Olinda bowed and from her cloak produced the information required. Amorphous matter leaking power clung to the paper, but I paid it no heed, as it could not harm me. Stronger magics would be needed to do such a thing, even of Eldritch make. Her hand shifted between the skin, tone, and shape of a dozen monsters before she returned it to the shadows. “The funds we are acquiring from adopting his means and methods will help me offset his lack of care in regards to my plans.”

Within the capital, which was under my command, I’d begun implementing what I could to raise money, material, and martial power from Hikigaya’s efforts. While many eyes were upon Ylstu, my rivals and underlings would be more willing to do as I ask of them, if I lead the way. Thus, the subsidized markets, along with my acquisitions of Driders and Goblins across the realm, have born fruit and began filling my coffers. The culling of officials who did not do their duties properly, as well as acquiring all the taxes missing, courtesy of the bookkeeping system, paid for them… and their success enticed the merchants who were flush with gold.

The system Hikigaya Hachiman introduced was one of growth, exploitation of that growth, and luring the funds of others at the sight of success. It bound people together in mutual agreements, backed by the weight of written words, law and mutual dependency. Trust, honor, and loyalty held no place amongst the agreements, as all is laid bare, and for all to see and act upon. Therefore, those who would be hesitant are ready to divulge their wealth, and those who would already invest are ready to invest more. 

It was cold, logical, and many look upon it with both fear and hesitation, but its results are undoubtably the best for the Kindred.

Just like Hikigaya Hachiman himself, if far less temperamental and foul-mouthed. 

“How fares your sisters with the new equipment you’ve been given?” As I read of what needs to be done, I spoke to my subordinate. Though we’ve known each other for many years, I rarely spoken to my most trusted group of spies. Their duties to the Kindred took them to the innermost lands of the Empire, until they find husbands, bring them back, and send their replacement to me. Another Doppelgänger… of the woman that they replaced completely and utterly. “The gadgetry of the Goblins is typically finicky, but with the funds they have been given, much progress has been made.”

“They are a welcome addition to our efforts. We are leaving them in rooms and recovering them, before sending their contents back.” Hikigaya once spoke of recorders, which captured sound and repeated it when desired, as a common tool in his world. He deigned to replace them with a simpler, enchanted mechanism which bid a quill, or a pencil of his design, to transcribe words into journals. While his was of greater use to common folk, the recorder was of greater use to my spies, who worked as servants in homes of nobility. “We no longer need to risk eavesdropping, which is allowing us to stay undetected for longer, without having to assume new faces and begin once again.”

“Good. I’ll commission more for you. Then, what of the hidden weapon you have provided?” Hikigaya Hachiman also described another weapon. A miniature cannon which fired a projectile made of led upon a foe. He’d stated that it would be useless against the Empire’s heavily armored troops, as well as useless against their stronger heroes. I agreed that it would be a stronger weapon against Kindred, which typically entered battle without armor and the Empire had a glut of enchanted metal to spare. However, what if a target is not one of the Empire? “Have you been able to put more of our kin at peace, now?”

“Aye. The weapon and its munitions have helped us put to rest many Kindred.” The dozen weapons I had made were made by my Court Mage. They did not use the explosive powder Hikigaya Hachiman described, but did not know of, nor the small capsules of Mana he proposed as alternative. It was instead a ranged magical tool, one that took after the design aesthetics of a world that used it for centuries, which fired an enchanted sphere of silver that returned to a “rifled” barrel, and was assisted by a “scope.” “That they die by Empire Silver allows us to remain unnoticed, as well. Many archers and marksmen of the Empire are being questioned for the deaths, but we are not suspected.”

“Then, I will tell your sisters to refrain from doing so for rest of the season. Though many suffer, if you are all caught, then there shall be no hope for those who remain.” The heavy burden of knowledge began to lift from my shoulders, as soon as I heard Olinda’s report. I know not whether or not the soul remains within the abominations created by the Empire from the bodies of my people. Perhaps, they have already passed, and there nothing truly left of them… but I did not wish for such a thing to be left to chance. “Now… tell me if anyone kin to Hikigaya Hachiman has been found.”

I dreaded the day I heard the Empire had at their behest someone of Hachiman’s world, from a place beyond the reach of any kingdom of this world, because of their lack of magic. The people there have knowledge that could upset all things in mine, thus I bid my spies to try and find if the Empire wishes to gain one such as Hachiman for themselves. 

The orders I have given to my spies is to search for any signs of a summoning as great as Hikigaya Hachiman’s to come forth. If such a faraway place is to be reached again, the Empire must expend the same, immense amount of resources they once did before, as my spies had thankfully noticed years ago. My standing order was to prevent a summoning from taking place ever again, and to my knowledge the reagents taken from him have already been destroyed by my agents, to ensure both that his world is not easily found again and his relations are not brought to face him.

Still, if the Empire somehow succeed in doing so, the orders I have given to my agents is simple: abduct such a person with the aid of Kunoichi and bring them to the side of the Kindred.

And, if such a thing is impossible, to kill them, as to deprive the Empire of such an asset.

It was the same as consigning an innocent life to death, but if my agents and those I can acquire with all my assets and wealth could not accomplish the task, even with the risk of our networks being found… I could not allow that individual to exist and cause grievous harm to my people with the knowledge the bring with them. 

Thankfully, to my inquiry, Olinda shook her head.

“Nay. The Empire’s Summoners have lost much of their power. Their failed experiment is causing havoc upon the Empire, and has lost them one of their Heroes.” I could not contain my relief at the news. Not only did I not have to kill an innocent being, stolen away from their home, but the Empire’s solidarity was also weakening. While none of its factions would ever ally with Kindred, even the measliest amount of infighting amongst them is a miracle. They are a terrible people, but their unity has not wavered in all of history. “Both the Empire’s Crown and their Church have laid the blame upon the Arcane, and now only permit the contact and summoning of worlds known to bear fruit.”

“Can you take advantage of this in any way?”

“Nay. The cracks are too small. Mere slights instead of true conflict.” 

I expected Orlinde’s answer, so I felt not at all disappointed when she provided it. I would rather have my agents tell me the truth, than attempt to do something that might reveal the. 

“Then, you will all continue to monitor the Arcane for any possibility of them attempting to redeem themselves. Your orders regarding any possible summoning from Hikigaya Hachiman’s world remains as it is.” Before several innovations, my agents and I will only speak to one another once a year. However, with some inspiration and the diagrams of Hikigaya’s airships, such was no longer the case. My Royal Guard groaned and gripped about having to soar so high, so quickly, and so far, but they preened whenever they delivered vital intelligence of the Empire to me. Their burdens were far lighter than what Hikigaya expected of his Wyverns, but I am sure that their speed is something that he would envy. “Now… rest for the next few days, Olinda. You have more than earned it.”

Olinda blinked at my words, before bowing reverently, as all did when I gave them permission to rest.  While Hikigaya Hachiman certainly infuriated me whenever I heard of him, it is without a doubt that some of his ideas are ones that I agree with and benefit from. Before I adopted his standards of management, and how he treated his subordinates, my palace felt cold and stiff. Now, it felt as though I had many friends, who cared for me, and wished to do their best for both my sake and their own.

Sometimes… I was tempted to thank him for everything he has done for myself and the Kindred.

And, as always when I contemplate such a thing, the door to my study bursts open to reveal my Minister of the Interior panting, flummoxed, hair in shambles, and her singular eye welling up with a single, massive tear.

“Lady Roseanne… that terrible man’s done it again!” Olinda swiftly departed after giving a salute, and allowed Kiel to enter. The woman I’d put in charge of handling the burgeoning bureaucracy involved with changing so much of the capital was clad in a blue traveling dress and maids were rushing after her to make sure her boots left no marks on the carpet. With the heirlooms saved, I focused on the matter at hand, and bid her to continue while doing my utmost to relax in my chair with calming breaths. “He told us how to raise animals quickly, but he didn’t specify that their growth would be obscene upon grain alone! All over the Empire, but the rate of growth shown by all our farms, there’ll be herds upon herds which we cannot feed… and even if we slaughter them all there’s nowhere slaughter them or store them besides—

“Ylstu.” The headache I’d felt upon reading of Hikigaya Hachiman’s actions in his trip to visit his in-laws was nothing compared to what I felt now. It felt as though a hammer was striking my skull, and my stomach gurgled with extreme discomfort, as I was yet again forced to confront my own “failing,” of which Hikigaya will be taking advantage of. “Ylstu is the only place that can hope to handle it all… isn’t it?”

“Y-Yes, milady, it is! That dreadful man’s up to his old tricks again.” One of my Royal Guards stepped forward and offered Kiel a seat, which groaned as the Cyclops took her seat. She bit her finger after removing her glove, before griping once again. “We though that he was merely transgressing against your order to not attack the Empire again, by creating warehouses and centers to process cows for rations, but in truth he was preparing for this! He gave us that knowledge freely, because he knew we’d think nothing of it, until we found ourselves drowning beneath a bovine and porcine sea!”

Alas, Kiel’s attempts to hold back her tear went awry, and a globe of liquid fell forth from her gaze.

Thankfully, one of the maids had the prescience to bring a bucket, and caught the massive droplet before it splashed saltwater upon the centuries-old rug that covered my office. 

However, that miraculous feat did not stop the migraine and the stomach pains from setting in, as I desperately tried to find a solution that would’ve give Hikigaya Hachiman yet more leverage upon my country and people… and kept finding none. 

That damned man is somehow the source of all my problems and solutions at once!

“Give it to him then. Send it all on the rails we though he made to give us control over him.” I ground the words out, and they grated my ears as I said them. I was tempted to lay my head upon my desk in sweet surrender, but it would gouge the surface of the gift. “Damn that man and incessant need to cultivate more and more power!”

At the very least, I supposed, that power was aimed at the Empire and not the Kindred.

That thought, however, did not remedy my stomach ache nor my headache.