Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero 53

Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero 53

…

Commissioned by Shaderic

Wordcount: 2500

…

I’ll go ahead and say it.

People only get married to show off.

Sit down, Hiratsuka-sensei, I’m actually making a good point, and not just being pissed off. Also, I really hope that you’re actually married now. If you’re still not, allow me to sincerely apologize. 

Someone, I beg you, please end my teacher’s suffering!

Anyway, back to the concept of marriage.

Marriage is about getting ahead in life. 

In Japanese, the aristocracy did it in order for their children to have more claims in the future, and that’s been the case ever since amongst people that actually matter. Women are married off in order to secure ties between families, and give birth to men who’ll care about his wife’s family because they provided him with a caring, silent servant who cared for him until he’s a man. Thus, an alliance between two families are born of blood, and they look out for one another because they’re related. 

The whole affair is a social contract, a set of traditions that’s acknowledged by the community, relatives, and the state. Once you are married, you get its benefits, its expectations, its requirements, and its expectations according to whatever culture you have.  Where two people once existed, there’s now only one singular unit, which operates off of rules that everyone has agreed to, and will enforce, because there needs to be a “cost” to all the benefits of marriage.

If you’re riding over the sunset to save your nephew, you expect your sister to at least to be treated fairly.

If you’re giving a discount to your son-in-law, you want to know that he’s treating your daughter well. 

If you’re bequeathing all you’ve accrued to your entire life to your only child’s family, you at least want to know that they’re happy.

These expectations don’t just belong to a small group of people, but it is believed in by everyone else to. The entire community, society, and the state will reject people who take all the benefits, but not the responsibilities. Sure, there’ll always be a few assholes who’ll shout, piss, and moan about the fact people should just be able to do what they want, but even those assholes won’t come out to defend someone who’s fucked around, cheated on his wife, and cried for help and didn’t get any.

Therefore, being married means having all of society backing you up, as long as you play your part perfectly. If you do nothing wrong, if you’re the perfect spouse, then you’re practically absolutely untouchable and above reproach. The whole relationship requires both individuals involved to be absolutely perfect to one another, always working in concert to each other’s benefit, and never opposing one another. 

Or, you lose, and your partner gets everything, and you’re branded as trash that has no place in society forever. 

Therefore, unsurprisingly, I’m all for getting married.

…

“We’re getting married this week, then we’re going back to Ylstu..”

Kurama’s reaction to my words weren’t as I expected; therefore, I had a cold pitcher of water prepared for no reason. 

“Eh?” Now that I thought about it, Kurama’s confusion was more reasonable than her trying to pin me down and have her way with me, before I actually got anything guaranteed for my body being used. Given the fact her mother had me all but kicked out of their house, after I got what I wanted and told what needed to happen in order to seal the deal, the red-haired Kitsune expected to hear terrible news about whatever progress she made in regards to getting her mother to help her more. “H-how?”

She expected the worst, yet instead of having to salvage a terrible situation, her mother and home is now hosting a massive celebration to tell everyone that we’re married. Instead of us having to basically be sent away as just guests, as she probably expected given how I was treated, we’re being forced to stay so that everyone who matters will hear about it. 

And, of course, get involved in enforcing whatever standards marriage involves in this world.

Which, honestly, I’d like to know about.

“It doesn’t matter. Tell me what being your husband means, besides strengthening the alliance between Ylstu and your clan.” In return for being promised to one another, I received loans, a strong soldier, and the Kunoichi. They might be exhibitionists perverts who flash me every chance they have, like that one right there in the corner of the room wearing only an apron. But they’re skilled individuals who get the job done. “In the country I lived in, traditionally, the perfect wife is quiet, follows orders, and isn’t around when she’s not wanted.”

Now, I’m a man of certain, particular standards, and by that, I mean I’d rather stay at home, just do chores, and take care of finances. However, I understand that in this world, it’s likely being a househusband is a one-way ticket to death by dehydration, as the answer to “bath, dinner, or me?” will always be “you” by these crazy sluts. In fact, I’m sure they’d love to have househusbands, each and every single one of them, so I’m going back in time, before Japan adopted western standards.

Whatever contract this world has in regards to marriage, I want to do my best to manipulate it in my favor, no matter my personal feelings—

And, the glass table’s barely holding against Kurama’s decision to lean forward in excitement and slam her hands on the tabletop as she did. 

Right.

Being a servile sex trophy meant to pop out babies is a fetish.

“That sounds absolutely perfect! Your country has absolutely wonderful traditions, my husband!” I have to put my hand on her face and push her back, so that I can see my plate, and to stop her from clambering up on the table. I made sure to grab her by her forehead, so that nothing strange and weird could happen to my hand and her mouth, and pushed her back. Just in case, with my free hand, I took hold of the pitcher of water that I had prepared. However, now that I looked at it, she was wearing nothing beneath her white dress. I knew this because the light from the window behind me shone down her ridiculous cleavage and shed light on everything beneath her dress… and revealed nothing. My pitcher of water would’ve merely turned this situation worse. My preparation was worthless! “I have no issue whatsoever being such a wonderful wife. Please, I have no troubles whatever living up to the expectations of your people.”

Creepy.

Weird.

Strange.

I’d like to say that those were the sole words that came to mind at Kurama’s reaction. After all this time, I’ve fought Kindred for more years than I’ve worked with them, so it’s reasonable for me to not care about their advances whatsoever. That should be case, but it isn’t, courtesy of the fact that I fought against the living fetishes for far worse people. 

So, yes, like any young man I was a tiny bit enticed by the words she uttered… but not nearly enough to stop thinking.

“Stop being an idiot and think. Your mother wouldn’t like that in the slightest.” I managed to get her to sit the fuck down. Kurama, however, immediately opened her mouth to say something along the lines of not caring about what her mother thinks, because her brain has been turned off. With the homes of turning it back on, I interrupted her before she could speak. “Whatever our marriage is going to be, it’s going to have to look good from the outside to, because your mother still holds all the strings.”

Honestly, I didn’t know how much of that statement was true. Kindred are all perverts in one way or another, but given how Kurama’s father is, I strongly doubt they all have the same fetish. It’s highly likely that I’ve just come across a weirdo who’s out for blood in politics, but likes being used in the bedroom, or something along those lines. 

It’s just best to assume that the Kindred Supremacist doesn’t want to hear from her daughter’s guards that her daughter is being treated like property.

So, I moved on with that idea, so that I wouldn’t have to commit to anything besides an equal relationship with Kurama, in which I held keys to Ylstu, the bedroom, and, I suppose, the crib. 

By the way, in Hachimanland, “equal” is pronounced “whatever’s the best for Hachiman.”

Because Hachimanland is the best.

Source: Hachiman.

“Half of Ylstu will be yours.” Most of this will just be making clear boundaries of the pieces we’ve carved Ylstu into. During her time in Ylstu, Kurama has incessantly managed to come out on top in every assignment I’ve given her, and has been gathering power and allies at a terrifying rate. Essentially, I’m taking all of her achievements, all the work she’s done in order to build up influence, and bundling them up together and locking them together under her command, so that I have less to worry about. “You’re going to be Ylstu’s face. Whatever I can spare in the budget is yours to do whatever you can in order to make us stronger. Working with Demon Lord, making embassies to other fiefs, choosing other allies, who we trade with, and gathering information… it’s all yours, unless you fuck up.”

I pulled out the paper I had A’Bel make and moved it over the Kurama’s side of the table. It was just my words written out, enforced by whatever demonic power the leggy, oppai monster in fantasy latex. 

What’s that?

I shouldn’t sign strange magical contracts, if I don’t know everything about them?

That’s true, but how am I supposed to convince someone to actually trust me, especially one that’s as capable and smart as Kurama? The Kitsune in front of me might play and act the vapid, weak-in-the-knees slut whenever I do something even vaguely impressive, but the results of every mission I’ve given her speak for themselves. 

Kurama, quite frankly, is a monster. Not in the sense that she’s Kindred, but in terms of skills and talent. Her mother expected me to get wrapped around her finger, and I’m sure that if I hadn’t done my best to separate her work from mine, that would be the case. If I didn’t give her so many responsibilities, other chances to show off her skills, I’ll probably be a brain-dead mouth breather without any drive like all the other men who belong to Kindred.

Therefore, I need a demonic contract, so that I can make sure that I’ll live to “fight” another day instead of find everything I’ve made taken from me by the high-spec.

Anyway, thankfully, Kurama took the piece of paper instead of burning it or anything—

“A quill. I need a quill this instant.”

…What?

Why the hell do you need a quill, woman!?

“Ah.”

“HIISSS!’

“Holy shit.”

I made a single sound, to voice a single question, and Kurama instantly guarded the paper and hissed at me. Now, given the fact the fact that she’s Kindred, the hiss was all sorts of creepy and arousing instead of frightening, but I worked past that part by thinking with the right head. Yes. “Holy shit,” indeed, was the correct response to that reaction, and not my reflexive desire to stand and tell her to control herself, or I’ll have someone do it for her. 

When in the face of something strange and dangerous, the best course of action is always to stay the fuck away, observe, and decide later whether to do something or not.

Thus, I stayed in my seat, did my best to not attract attention by just eating my meal, as Kurama settled down, began looking at the paper, and started to make a noise between laughing and gasping for air. 

“Hee… hee… ha… ha…” 

After a while, a Kunoichi came a long and had Kurama sign it on her rear, while she held her ankles, and wore a bikini out of leaves.

But, honestly, that was less weird.

I mean… marriage registers didn’t even exist in this world! 

How the hell could that fetish exist!?

…

I stood in the middle of a grassy field with A’Bel smiling to my right, while the Kurama matriarch inhaled smoke from a pipe. 

Ur and the other Amazons were working hard, hefting chunks of stone over the to the field, and making the foundation of what I’d asked A’Bel to make.

Initially, Kurama’s mother just scoffed at my suggestion and gave me permission, but after a few hours she actually arrived to take a look at what I was making.

After a long drag, and releasing a sweet-smelling smoke to be carried away by the valley’s wind, she spoke for the first time since her arrival.

“You are using ancient, long-forgotten magic for the sake of bringing nobility to your wedding.” Was that a little fear in your voice, mother-in-law? I didn’t think strong, capable warriors could even feel fear. Maybe, perhaps, you thought that I was lying about A’Bel? I mean, she doesn’t look the part of a Demon capable of ending entire countries, but as far as I know she’s not the sort to lie about what she can do. “This will have consequences in the future.”

I thought about teasing my mother-in-law, but I was sure doing such a thing would be the same as making a pass at her. A foolish act, given the fact I was counting on being friends with her husband, just in case she didn’t do what I’ve asked her to do. 

NTR is a trash fetish, but these Kindred are all trash, so I can’t take even the slightest risk. 

“Pick and choose whoever you think should come. A’Bel can only manage five, before needing the day to rest. Roseanne is coming no matter what.” Kurama’s mother grimaced as I gave her orders, but she couldn’t exactly pass up on the opportunity to gain so much fame. There’s not a single Kindred noble out there who’d say no to having their guests teleported to their territory for a single celebration. It’s a sign of power, influence, and wealth in a single, convenient package. “And, just in case, A’Bel can use this to send your daughter back, if something really goes really wrong.”

I expected a scoff at my words, and a nod of consent at the very best, yet instead I received a raised eyebrow from my future mother-in-law. 

“You say that as though my daughter will leave alone you in times of great danger.” The Kitsune took a long draw from her pipe, before shaking her head. “Hmph, you might be a man of vision, HIkigaya Hachiman, but you are incredibly foolish as well.”

She turned to leave, but not before meeting A’Bel’s gaze.

“I pray you have good fortune in your venture, oh Primordial Demon, because if you guide this young man well… the world will be engulfed by change even after he breaks the Empire.”

And, with those words, my mother-law-left to tend to her territory. 

Man.

That woman really hates me, huh?