An End for a Hero (FSN/MGLN)

An End for a Hero (FSN/MGLN)

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Commissioned by Marteddu

Wordcount: 2500

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I took a breath, calmed myself down, took hold of the doorknob… and entered the café.

Warmth spilled over me, along with the scent of freshly roasted coffee, as I crossed the threshold.

It was supposed to be simple.

I wasn’t supposed to feel so nervous by just opening a door.

Yet, despite Fate and Hayate’s encouragement ringing in my ears, I wanted to run away.

Not because I was walking into a coffee shop, but because of the person who owned it, operated it, and who greeted me with a smile as soon as I entered.

“Ah, welcome, Nanoha-san.” Shirou-kun stood behind the counter of his café. He was already hard at work preparing for his opening before lunch. Usually the shop wasn’t open until eleven, but for friends and former allies, he made an exception. “Take any seat you want. Would you like breakfast or lunch?”

You.

A part of me that I didn’t completely understand nearly overtook me, and I felt a blush spread across my face, even though I managed to stop myself from saying it.

In a fight, I liked how my instincts decided things. It gave me leeway to think, to plan, and to end the fight deceivably.

Here and now?

I could barely stop myself from stuttering, since I couldn’t trust myself with just taking.

“T-thank you, Shirou-kun.” I didn’t just stutter. I also put enough of “something” that I felt into saying his name that Shirou blinked and nearly turned to me, before shaking his head. The room grew even warmer when I realized he noticed my mistake. “Ah, uhm, here! I brought you something!”

“Ah. Thank you very much, Nanoha-san.” He turned and smiled at me. Somehow, despite all my training, my legs felt like jelly. I was barely capable of standing, let alone match his gaze, as he took the small bag I offered him. “Oh! This is amazing, Nanoha-san!”

The moment I heard his joy though, I could barely contain myself.

“Really! You like it?” A smile spread across my face that I couldn’t control, and even though I could barely enter the shop a moment ago, I practically latched onto the countertop of the bar that separated his kitchen from the rest of the store. My eyes latched onto his smile, the light flush on his face, and the real joy in his eyes without any conscious effort on my part. “I’m so glad to heart that!”

“How could I not? This is perfect for my home upstairs.” Shirou smiled as he withdrew the premium rice cooker. I had my doubts about the gift, despite how Fate, Hayate, and even Yuuno agreed on it. “This is the perfect housewarming gift, Nanoha-san. I’ll be sure to use it every day.”

And, just like that, with a simple sentence my elation at hearing his joy turned into absolute embarrassment and trepidation.

Every day.

He was going to use my gift every day.

And, thus, my brief burst of confidence shattered into a million, tiny pieces and I found myself only capable of looking at my feet, while my face felt like molten glass.

“G-good! That’s very good! I’m happy to hear that!” My mouth ran without any input from my whatsoever, as I suddenly felt like I was being swamped by a heat wave. Everything felt too warm, even though I was in a small café in the middle of winter. “Ummm, ah… I’ll just take a seat and wait for breakfast, okay!?”

I didn’t even manage to wait for Shirou-kun to reply, before I fled to the corner stable with my face practically on fire.

I knew.

Of course, I knew that I liked him.

I knew, but the moment I decided to take action, to do something about my feelings, all my talent and ability vanished into nothingness.

I took off my coat and scarf, and put them on the back of my chair, and I did everything I could to calm and cool down. The store was still warming up from the portable heaters, and the cooking that was going on, so the winter chill was still able to reach me. However, try as I might, the cold winter breeze couldn’t stop the blush that set my ears alight.

And, every time I closed my eyes to take a second to breathe, I saw his giddy, happy smile again.

Thus, any attempt I made to calm and cool down ended in abject failure.

I wanted to be calm, cool, and collected like Fate. She always had a lot of guys chasing after her, and each time she was able to take their confessions head on. Being hotblooded and impulsive was fine in battle, but in things like… like… like love… I wanted to be able to be objective, capable, and talented like Fate.

Yet, I was blushing up a storm, and trying to hide it by laying my head on arms at a café table.

I didn’t know whether to be embarrassed or happy, because both emotions were clashing, fighting, and doing their best to lay claim to my mind, while the effects of their fight were already ravaging me with terrible, terrible damage.

I felt less like a person and more like an amalgam of fuzzy, shaky nerves coursing with the need to run away and stay.

It was so bad that I barely noticed Shirou-kun take a seat across from me, after he laid my breakfast in front of me.

Oh no.

Please.

Not now, when I’m barely hanging on by a thread, Shirou-kun!

“I made your favorite. Don’t worry no one else is here to look at you strangely.” It was a large slice of toast with whipped cream and jam. A terrible meal for a breakfast, and something he didn’t even offer on his menu, yet he had all the ingredients ready just for me. Even though I knew that he could make all of our favorite dishes, that fact barely bothered me. “Though you need to be more considerate of your health, Nanoha-san.”

“But it’s delicious, and what’s life without a treat every now and then?” I took some comfort in my favorite breakfast by bringing it closer. It wasn’t that bad, and most of the time I’m looking after myself. “Don’t you think so too, Shirou-kun?”

Normally, Fate would say that I would have too many treats when I say such a thing, but Shirou-kun smiled… in a way that made a chill go down my spine.

“Every now and again, huh? Wouldn’t you say that’s too lax, especially for your health, Nanoha-san? You should be taking care of yourself.” Shirou-kun took the seat across from me, and placed his own breakfast down. It was rice, grilled fish, and natto along with a simple salad. I reeled at the health and the implication, and guarded my precious toast from its terrible effects. “I heard from Testarossa-san that you’re eating at a café more frequently than you should.”

Fate… after all we’ve been through… how could you betray me!?

“…I’ll make sure to only have this sort of meal once a week… and yours doesn’t count, because I can tell you’re making it healthy, Shirou-kun!” I enjoyed what he made for me, but I’ve eaten enough delicious treats to know when one of them was… was very mindful and considerate of my health. Oh, goodnesss. I can’t even be angry with him for making my favorite food healthier! I’ve truly lost haven’t I!? “That’s as far as I’m willing to compromise—

“Once every ten days, and I’ll start making your breakfast just how you like it, instead of changing things.”

“Deal!”

We were silent for a moment, before Shirou-kun laughed, and I couldn’t help but laugh as well.

I wanted to move forward.

I knew that I couldn’t simply keep tiptoeing around the issue… but couldn’t I wait just a little more before Shirou-kun rejected me?

Because, after all, there’s no way he’d ever be with the person who took away his home from him forever.

…

It was years ago, but I remembered it well.

We were fighting against something that came from his world, a Dead Apostle, who came to be by discovering Linker Cores through the traversal of parallel worlds. The TSAB and Shirou-kun’s own organization opposed it together, along with many others from his world, as it continued to spawn more and more familiars under its control with Linker Cores of their own.

It was a war that lasted for years, as we fought together against nests of creatures that could multiply, infect, and create powerful warriors within days.

We fought, worked together, and destroyed all the Dead Apostles of the lineage we could… and we continued to do so until we found the source.

And, as we fought against the source of it all, the Mages Association and TSAB agreed to seal our worlds away from one another, as to ensure such a devastating being couldn’t exist ever again.

In order to do that, they needed power.

And, I gave them all the power they needed.

They launched the weapon while we were fighting the source of it all. It cut him off from any possible escape route, but in the process trapped those who were fighting with us.

They all agreed, one and all, that it was a necessary action. Not a single one of them complained about the hand they were dealt, especially as it ensured the destruction of our foe, yet even as they accepted all our explanations, apologies, and restitutions… I can’t forget the grief in all their eyes.

The grief in Shirou-kun’s eyes when he realized that he would never see Rin-san gain.

It was years ago.

The mages left on our side have settled down, taken careers within the TSAB, and some are working towards finding a way back to their home without breaking the barrier.

Fate and Hayate both told me that I should try, that I should confess the feelings that started welling up within me as we kept visiting him, as we helped him settle down, and as we supported his new goals.

Yet, every time I considered it, I remembered that sad smile he had after he landed the final blow and saved so many worlds,

The sorrow that he felt when he became a hero, but was still forced to give up the person he loved.

Even if my involvement in the TSAB’s seal was circumstantial… I couldn’t bring myself to say a single word.

Despite the time that has passed, despite all the new memories we had, and despite how much he has changed…

I can only recall the moment when I took away his victory.

…

Shirou offered me a smile, as I helped wash the plates for our breakfast. The taste of the food lingered on my tongue, and the warmth of the water washed over my hands, yet I couldn’t focus in the slightest.

He was right next to me, close enough that our shoulders brushed against one another, yet I couldn’t cherish the memory in the slightest.

It was always the same.

Whenever we spent time together, the first few minutes of our meetings felt… good. I felt shock, amazement, and a dozen other feelings I never knew I could feel.

Then, as time passed, the memories of what I did came to the forefront of my mind.

And, they crushed any hope I had, while taking away all of my initiative.

I wanted to confess, even if it meant being rejected, because I wanted to spend time with him without the emotions I had now.

However, I couldn’t, despite everyone efforts, my own commitment, and my own desires.

No matter what I did, I couldn’t close that final bit of distance between the two of us—

“Nanoha-san… can you tell me what’s hurting you?” Shirou-kun’s voice shocked me the moment I heard it, and shocked me again as I realized what he said. A deep panic welled up in my chest, and I could barely keep holding the plate I was drying in my hand, until I felt his hand take hold of my shoulder. He turned me to face him. “I can see it. You’re trying to hide it, but I you’re in pain. I want to help.”

A part of me wondered how obvious my feelings must be, but most of me trembled as I looked at him.

His brow was furrowed, his jaw tightened, and his usual, calm gaze was narrowed and anxious.

He was worried for me.

Truly, completely worried.

Seeing his worry, knowing that my current actions pained him even in the slightest, forced me to take action.

And to look away, and hide my face, before I hurt him anymore.

“I want to confess to you, but I’m worried that you hate me.” Some of the words I practiced saying were present, but it wasn’t at all the confession I wanted to make. I wanted to look him in the eye, to take the initiative, and do everything right, yet I couldn’t even manage to look at him. “I… I’ve been trying to tell you, even if it meant being rejected, but I just couldn’t.”

Still, even though it wasn’t even close to being the perfect confession, I felt a weight fall off my shoulders the moment I uttered those words.

Now, no matter the outcome, everything was going to be settled—

“Nanoha, would you like to meet me this Sunday and go on a date?”

Fwueh?

Eh?

Hah?

Words that I never expected to hear repeated themselves again and again in my brain. My worries melted away, and I looked up. My heart was beating so loudly that I couldn’t hear the running water from the faucet, while my face heated up to such a degree that I could feel the neck of my sweater grow warm.

Then, there was the fact that I could do nothing but stare at the light blush on Shirou-kun’s face, as he scratched the small scar on his cheek, and did his best to not look away out of embarrassment.

The moment I saw his face, I knew that I was idiot, because all my fears and worries stopped me from seeing him like this.

I liked Shirou Emiya.

I liked the man who I fought beside.

I like the hero who gave up everything to save billions of lives.

However, now that I realized that there were parts of him that only a few others saw, I realized that I loved him.

That I wanted to see more of his hidden sides every day.

Therefore, there was only one possible answer to his question, despite the fact his store was set to open in an hour.

I eliminated the distance between the two of us, wrapped my arms around him, and answered his question with a kiss.

I let go of so many moments by being so indecisive.

Not anymore.