Somehow, The Countryside is Different: Route Ran 2

Somehow, The Countryside is Different: Route Ran 2

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Commissioned by Shaderic and Arksoul

Wordcount: 5000

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I never thought that the price for entering manhood would be bedridden for an entire day.

However, I also imagined my first time to be a nervous, fumbling, and terrified affair in which I’d mess up in more ways than one.

Instead… instead I got pounced upon by a dangerous beast.

The door to my room opened and the aforementioned individual entered with a plate full of apples.

“Yo.” I hurt everywhere. A human being versus a Youkai tended to end only one way in every single circumstance. The Youkai won while the human lost. The rule applied to night battles too. Thus, I not only felt a deep ache within my muscles, like I’d trained for an entire day, but I also had several dozen scratches and bites all over me, due to Ran getting far, far too excited. “Before you ask: no, I’m not ready to be used up yet. Talk to me again in a week.”

“Guh.” The blush Ran had on her face the moment she entered faded away at my words. Instinctual desire being unleashed over a lifetime of repression led towards my girlfriend’s desire to ravage me being far too high. I could clearly see that she disliked her inability to suppress all her instinctual desires, now that she had an outlet, but the way her yes darted towards certain regions of my body that crawled up in fear… yeah, I head not choice but to use my words to “bonk” out Ran’s excessive thirst. I might be willing, but my body is very weak. “I-I’m sorry about that. Thank you for handling it. I hadn’t even noticed…”

Ran took a seat beside by bedside and shook her head to and fro. She transformed from looking like a very attractive, curvy blonde in a school uniform to an attractive, curvy blonde in a white, long-sleeved robe and purple tabard that barely did anything to hide her appeal. Okay. Fine. I’ll admit that the robes covered a lot up, but I’m personally biased.

My girlfriend could wear a trash bag and I’ll say she’s the cutest thing in the world.

Ran cleared her throat and her blush was back.

Ah.

I’d forgotten to put up the barrier before thinking that.

“Yes. Yes… you did.” Ran let the plate of sliced apples on her plate rest for a second, while I put up the barrier between the two of us. Since we were both working beneath Yukari, she decided it was necessary that we could talk to each other. Being Yukari, she decided against a talisman, or maybe a bracelet, and fiddled with the boundary between Ran’s thoughts and mine so that we could talk to one another by thinking.

Ran ignored her for a day, and I harassed her nonstop with words for the same amount of time, until she let us turn it on and off at will.

Does your boss use her power and ability irresponsibly to fuck with you?

Bully her.

Bully her without any hesitation or regret.

You’re totally in the right.

Anyway, I sometimes forget to turn it off.

Tee-hee.

“Do not “tee-hee” me, Hachiman. You need to have more care with your thoughts around me. It is very difficult to hold myself back, so you must cease provoking me.” Ran complained while picking up an apple slice and bringing it towards me. Daintily, carefully, and with grace, she shoved it into my mouth to shut me up both physically and mentally. “It is obvious that I cannot control myself when you shamelessly seduce me, therefore you must have great care when you do, because I cannot control myself when you present yourself so slavishly.”

I made sure to consume my apple slice before addressing the stream of bullshit leaving my girlfriend’s mouth.

“First, I confessed to you. I didn’t seduce you. Hell, I don’t even know how to seduce.” The Kabedon is a powerful move, but all it truly does is surprise someone, get their attention, and make their heart race while you talk to them. It lowers a person’s guard. Nothing more and nothing less… therefore what ensued yesterday afternoon and over most of the evening was not my fault. It was Ran’s. She bottled up too goddamn much. “Secondly, relationships are supposed to be equal. It’s not exactly equal if all the responsibility is on me, right?”

I’m not going to lie.

Parting with the ability to control and dictate when fornication happens feels like the wrong move. I’m sure that before the council of men, even with my recent achievements, my status as a manly man would be in question by giving up complete control and responsibility over night battles with a buxom, blonde Kitsune.

Yes, even when considering the fact that I am a mere human male who will lead himself to an early grave with such power, I’ll need to set up a strong, solid argument in order to not lose my Certificate of Manliness.

Or, of course, I could just not give a fuck about that sort of thing and make sure my girlfriend doesn’t depend on me on me for everything and continue to repress herself.

You know.

The right, non-fucked up route?

Yeah.

I think I’ll stick with that.

“Ran, you lost control once, and after stopping yourself and bottling up your emotions for years.” I did my best to sound confident and serious while in bed, sporting a few bandages, and while certain muscles in my crotch region told me to stop trying to sit up. I heeded the advice of my body and just kept myself on my back, since their arguments were very good, and just spoke to my worried girlfriend. “You’re amazing, but you’re honestly not perfect. People fuck up. Just do better next time and trust yourself.”

Ran was quiet for a moment, before speaking again.

“I don’t want to hurt you again Hachiman.” She spoke softly and with an emotion I’d only heard once before in my life when Komachi came barreling into my hospital room after I got hit by a car. Wow. I underestimated how upset she was over giving me a few scratches, tiring me out, and giving me the male equivalent of the aches. “I don’t understand how you could insist on allowing me to have any say when we… make love… again. If I were in your place, I would take control, discipline me, and make sure that nothing of the sort happens again.”

Huh.

Okay.

Well.

My girlfriend’s words were definitely heartwarming for a bit, before every phrase suddenly became lathered in complete, utter lewdness.

“Ran… are you implying that I should start reading up on how to tie up Kitsunes?” I’ve appreciated my ability to read the lines ever since middle school. However, after encountering many, many fantastical creatures with severe issues, I’ve learned to rely on the mystical art of just saying what needs to be said, so that no one makes any stupid mistakes. Yeah, I know. It’s a very dangerous, forbidden skill to amongst humans… but it’s surprisingly very, very effective against Youkai. It’s only natural that mystical creatures are reasonable, since humans aren’t, I suppose. “Because it sounds like you want me start reading about how to tie up Kitsunes.”

Even if Ran had any intention of concealing her now-revealed fetish, the massive blush that spread across her face was enough of a clue for me.

“Holy shit.”

“I-I-I never considered it before, but it did sound very appealing to me, especially since it would keep you safe… and get me what I wish.” Ran glanced over my computer. I gave her the password after telling her to stay clear of certain folders, and I suppose I now had to delete some interesting history on it. While I’d been knocked out, Ran researched and awakened more than a few things from the modern internet. “I could hurt you, if I wasn’t being restrained, held, and blindfolded—”

With all my strength and willpower, I called for a time out with both my hands.

“Later. We’re going to talk about this later. Not while I’m in bed, exhausted, and half-raisin.” The train of thought Ran was on suggested a sudden return to lewdness, so I stopped it in its tracks. Thankfully, despite her surprising lewdness, Ran remained a very high-spec, cheat character, at least compared to me, and she managed to stop herself from plunging deep into the depths of the abyss. Even if it’s a fun abyss, without any body-swapping scientists with terrible morals, I had to stop her. “Just… just keep feeding me apple slices for today, okay? We’ll talk more about our situation in the bedroom when I’m better.”

All I intended to do with my statement was to halt the conversation for another day, yet my statement made Ran blush, and have to take a amoment to regain control over herself.

Man.

I really lucked out with this Kitsune didn’t I?

Oh, good.

I remembered to put up the barrier between us.

If I hadn’t, I was sure that I’d be on my way to a near-death-but-very-worth-it experience.

Again.

…

Ran refined her disguise, so as we walked together towards school the day after my swift, sudden bout of the “flu” I stood next to the transformed state that everyone else saw.

A cute, short-haired blonde who wore the school uniform properly, unlike a certain Yuigahama.

By all means, Ran looked just like the average, ordinary Japanese high school girl… barring the blonde hair, of course.

I reacted very appropriately to the disguise.

“What have you done. You were amazing. But now it’s all gone.” Hot older woman dressed in a JK outfit two sizes too small. It had been beautiful, amazing, and overkill to my teenage, male mind. For an entire day, breast pockets actually existed, not due to clever tailoring, but due mass and fabric alone. Then, there was the plaid skirt and the plain panties… on a woman instead of a girl! I experienced nirvana, yet it was taken away from me. “Go back or I’ll cry.”

“Hachiman, if the previous disguise couldn’t fool you, it couldn’t have hoped to fool our target.” Despite her direct arguments to my reasonable words, Ran smiled at my appreciation of her true form, and flicked her hair as we headed towards the school building proper. We took the train today, since it was raining, but tomorrow we were going to use my bicycle. I had to prevent far too many perverts from dying to a Kitsune this morning, despite how much I wanted to see them perish for daring to even approach Ran. Such is the life of a true hero, I suppose. “Hmmm, perhaps I should’ve entered your school as a teacher as I’d originally intended—

“No. This was a good choice. You made the right call coming as a student.” Through your choices and actions, Ran, you’ve saved Hiratsuka-sensei’s life. If what we’ve done, and if our new relationship came to light, with you as a transfer teacher… I don’t want to imagine what my homeroom teacher’s reaction would be. She’s a nice woman, and maybe in another life where I haven’t been tainted by Ran, there could be something between her and me… if I still had my preference for older women in that other world, of course. Once upon a time, I did like girls my own age, but that disappeared when Ran and I started spending more time together.

What I’m getting at is that Ran has saved Hiratsuka-sensei’s life from a frightening, downward spiral involving cigars, booze, sportscars, and visits to butler cafes.

Please, someone marry Sensei already!

What was I doing again?

Oh, right.

Lamenting the loss of everything I held dear in my heart.

“Hachiman, we have class.”

Dammit.

Society can’t even let me grieve in peace!

…

Classes went by relatively quickly. Ran had a little trouble with school, until she realized everything was simply already written out in books. Between her ability to communicate with lesser familiars, and the fact that she posses all the books, she was more than capable of simply “reading” while tests were going on, and getting the grades necessary for her cover.

I had the same access to magic, and could even talk to her with my mind, but I wasn’t allowed to use my supernatural powers to get ahead in life through cheating.

Which is complete bullshit, but I’m good enough in enough courses that it’s not much of a loss, so… meh.

Supernatural creatures having difficulty with high school curriculums would just be useless filler anyway, when we’re supposed to be investigating a potential, supernatural threat.

So, after classes were over, we went over to the Service Club.

Both my female clubmates looked at me with concern the moment I walked in, while Ran did her best to not be suspicious.

Oi.

Did she really not tell these two the truth, and fed them the same “he got sick and fell over” like the rest?

“I’m glad to see you’re well, Hikigaya-kun. Please take better care of yourself during times such as these.” Yukinoshita was actually smiling in relief at seeing me. It was like looking at an affront to nature and everything that could be considered holy. Yukinoshita definitely shouldn’t exude so much concern over me. Even though I didn’t make up the story, I was already feeling super bad about it. “Your experience and ability is necessary in order to keep Chiba safe. It won’t do for you to grow sick and fatigued.”

“Y-Yeah, what Yukinon said, Hikki!” Yuigahama was quick to support Yukinoshita’s statement with an earnest cry. She actually looked relieved enough to begin crying, making me worry very, very much about my karma. Shiki-san, if you’re looking at this situation, please remember that all of this is Ran’s fault and not mine. I don’t actually know if you’ll ever judge my soul, but just in case, remember that this isn’t my fault and I did nothing wrong. “You can’t just not take care of yourself, because you’re so worried about everything!”

Both my club members were sending advice and relief my way that I didn’t deserve because of Ran’s actions.

It made me feel terrible, and I really wanted to set the record straight… but after considering the situation for a second, I took hold of Ran’s shoulder and turned her around into the hallway.

“Hold on. Give us both a second. We need to talk about something.” I offered both Yukinoshita and Yuigahama as simple of a statement as possible about why I couldn’t enter the room yet. Then, I proceeded to just walk out. The more I did, the more possibilities for miscommunication, so I just bulldozed through the situation with as simple of a maneuver as possible.

I speedily retreated from the situation with Ran in tow.

Since the school still had plenty of people within it, I took Ran over to the nearest set of stairs to the clubroom, which just so happened to be the one closest to the roof. While we could’ve given the animators an easier time by having our discussion on the roof, I decided to give them some writing practice and chose the more aesthetic option.

Hate me all you want, but the reviews speak for themselves.

Anyway, back to my rapidly building guilt at my two clubmates feeling sorry for me.

As soon as I was sure that no rumor mongers were following after us, I turned to Ran.

Only to blink several times as she suddenly bowed and began to apologize profusely.

“I-I’m very sorry! I should’ve told them the truth about us, instead concealing our relations! I did not consider your feelings about being concealed, Hachiman!” Miscommunication, the bane of all relationships, raised its ugly head. Ran looked outright frightened by the situation, and she even trembled a little as she stood before me. She wrung her hands, and looked as though she wanted to be anywhere besides where she currently was. “Please don’t be angry with me. I’ll make it clear to all our relations—

Yeah.

Miscommunication can fuck right off.

“Hold on. Wait a second. Listen to me.” I didn’t hesitate to take the initiative and seized Ran by her shoulders. She winced when I did, making me worry that I could somehow hurt a Youkai, until I realized that she was preparing to be yelled at… and just accept whatever came her way. The thought of Ran just giving up infuriated me, but I held my temper so that I could fix the fuckup that was the current situation. “I didn’t even think about that, and I didn’t expect you to tell them about our relationship. I took you here to ask you what you told them, so that Yukinoshita and Yuigahama would stop worrying about me.”

Man, I just wanted my two clubmates to stop worrying about me. That was all that I wanted out of this conversation with Ran.

I could see how she could’ve thought that I was angry with her, given how quickly we moved and how I dragged her along.

In fact, I felt pissed at myself for giving her any reason to feel bad about herself.

But I couldn’t change the past, so I moved forward to fix things before they could get stpidly out of hand.

“Eh?” Ran blinked several times. The pallor that overtook her face suddenly began to fade, and become replaced with a blush, as my explanation reached her. Instead of seeing some made up, fake emotions on my face, she saw my best attempt to look concerned and worried. Thankfully, my dead-fish eyes weren’t as bad as a demerit as I thought, and my girlfriend recognized the emotions correctly… and turned completely scarlet and buried her face in her hands. “Ah… ah!”

She shook as she cried out in embarrassment, and despite the situation, I couldn’t repress a single, all-consuming thought.

Cute.

My girlfriend is cute.

My girlfriend is the cutest in the world.

“Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear…” Ran fretted in place with a massive blush on her face. I couldn’t help but compare her current, flustered state to the literal demon that took my first time. The divergence and contrast were impeccable… or in layman’s terms: the gap moe was so fucking good that it’s killing me. Holy shit. Is it legal to be a starved, dangerous beast in bed one moment and be a blushing, pure girl the next!? If it’s illegal, then the entire world needs to be fixed in order to recognize true justice! “I…it’s… you mustn’t think that…”

Ran kept trying to find the right words to say while we stood atop the staircase together. However, no matter how hard she tried, the she couldn’t find the right words to say, because… well… there wasn’t much she could say that wouldn’t be a lie, which would just embarrass her more. She disliked lying, even if she values in manipulating the truth from time to time in order to avoid fights, therefore her only option was the truth.

And the truth was what got her into her current loop of embarrassment in the first place.

Honestly, I wanted to keep watching her cutely struggle to find the right words to say to get herself out of her current predicament.

But I felt that I would be in danger if I teased her anymore, so I decided to rescue my girlfriend from … herself.

“Why don’t we talk about this later?” I thought about every single romance cliché in every single manga I’d every read. The cumulative knowledge passed on by generations of otaku, which shaped romance sections of bookstores everywhere, passed through my mind. I received the gifts of my ancestors… and decided to do everything in my power to avoid all the situations those mouth-breathing NEETs thought was romantic by having a spine. “Forget about it for now. We’ll talk about this in full detail later, so we can handle it together.”

Ran was surprised for a second at my proposal, but talking to her calmly and professionally brought back some of the cool, collection Kitsune that I usually interacted with. I filed away my treasured memories as she took deep breaths and grew more calm with my proposal in mind.

“I-I’d like that, Hachiman. We should speak about such things on our own time, in order to ensure that everything is perfectly clear.” Ran nodded decisively, and after the words come from her own mouth, relaxed as she reinforced the idea. She stood straighter, breathed easier, and looked at me with clearer eyes. Her blush was still present, but it was smaller and more controlled. “Alright… so what did you wish to speak to me about, which required our hurried escape, again?”

Just what I wanted to see.

I’ve said before, and I’ll say it again: miscommunication can fuck right off.

…

Ran sat on the back of my bike as I pedaled us home when we had to make a sudden stop.

Did water splash on her from a convenient puddle, so making it necessary for us to take shelter in a bus stop?

No.

Did the Youkai we were investigating suddenly turn up in order to mess with us?

No.

Did a sudden, dramatic relationship appear from nowhere between myself and another person that would complicate my current relationship?

No.

We had to make a stop because we found our boss walking out of a convenience store with arms laden with sweets in bags.

Naturally we accosted Yakumo Yukari without any hesitation whatsoever.

“Mou, you guys are eating all my snacks. Don’t you know how hard it is to find enough loose change to buy all the things I want?” Yukari complained as Ran and I helped ourselves to the purchases she made. Given the fact Ran wasn’t looking after her, she took the opportunity to purchase only sweets, pastries, and desert. Therefore, I wasn’t stealing food, I was confiscating it for my employer’s health… right into my stomach. “Leave some for me to take home!”

“Yukari-sama, if you have time to gather loose change all over Japan for loose change, you should have time to help keep Hachiman’s town safe.” Ran lectured Yukari, while Yukari pouted and consumed her third red bean bun while laid flat upon a park bench. She had a bag of sweets on her stomach, and she wore sweatpants and a baggy jacket instead of her usual attire, so she looked homeless. We had to tell two passing police officers that we knew her, while she munched on doughnuts. “You can solve this threat with a snap of your fingers, if you wished to do so.”

Yukari munched on a red bean bun and spoke to use after finishing it, while opening a plastic wrapper for melon bread.

She spoke with the irrefutable force of will and conviction of an assistant manager of a convenience store.

“I am solving the threat. I’m having you two do it.” Without any regard for either of feelings, the declaration was made with a thoughtful chew, whilst appreciating the ambiance for a park. The birds were singing, the sky was a warm orange from the setting sun, and fluffy clouds travelled through the sky. All that was missing from the perfect scene was my psycho boss eating her pastry with a woman’s severed hand. “I get to eat what I want. The two of you get to your hanky-panky. The problem gets solved. Everyone wins.”

Ran and I had different reactions to Yukari’s statement.

Ran went beet read and cutely cried out.

“Yukari-sama! You mustn’t say such things in public!”

Meanwhile, I gave a single nod of understanding.

“Alright. That’s good enough for me.”

“Hachiman!?”

“What? Yukari-sama’s right, y’know? We deal with a small-time threat, and we get to spend time together. It’s not bad.” Man, I have such a great boss. I can’t believe how lucky I am to have a boss that goes out of her way to let me spend time with a blonde, buxom Kitsune? Worker’s rights? Minimum wage? Why would I need those things if I have a hot girlfriend who lives with me without anyone asking questions? Source: me. “I’m totally not supporting her for personal reasons. The boss is always right, y’know?”

Ran glared at me, while Yukari gave me a thumbs up with her hand not stuffing her face with a pastry.

My girlfriend’s glare lasted until Yukari finished her latest pastry, gave a content sigh, and sat up.

If she were a competent, responsible boss character, she would transform into her usual form, and impart an important message or item to the both of us.

Unfortunately, Yukari is Yukari and she sat up only to give a small burp and contently pat her stomach.

“Yeeeeppp, I’m the best boss. I solve supernatural problems, and get my employees hitched.” Yukari paused as a breeze swept over us. She frowned at the chilly gust, called upon her mystical powers, and… pulled out a beanie to pull over her scalp to keep herself nice and toasty. Yep, without a doubt, she was ascending towards her true form as a superpowered homeless individual. She is my boss and the one who is helping ensure the supernatural world doesn’t spill into the modern one. “By the way, are the two of you raising your kids in Gensokyo or—

“Absolutely not.”

“No fucking way.”

Ran and I made the response without a moment’s hesitation.

I ignored my urge to celebrate at kids being officially being planned by the both of us in order to clarify my stance on raising a kid in Gensokyo.

“Fuck right off with that idea.” Gensokyo was a land of mysteries and legends. Mysteries and legends tend to be very, very fucking unkind towards children. They tend to get killed off, sacrificed, or experience fates that are very, very bad. Needless to say, while I intended to keep working for Yukari, it was going to be a part-time job or hobby instead of my career. “I’m going to find a job, or start a store in the town outside Gensokyo. There’s plenty of work for college-goers outside the city.”

The small town near Gensokyo was growing smaller every decade, therefore there was plenty of manpower shortages there. With a college degree, I could probably land a simple job working for the local government. Land in the countryside was pretty cheap too, and there was plenty of incentives for families to settle in the countryside courtesy of Abe-sama.

The government really liked to repress history and brainwash people, but I wasn’t going to complain about getting free money for settling down in the countryside.

Hm?

Why are both Yukari and Ran being so quiet?

I took a moment to look back at my two companions, and found Yukari nodding sagely, while Ran was blushing bright enough to drive away the night just a little longer.

Ah.

Yukari messed with my barrier, because she wanted to mess with me.

“Yeah, I did, because I thought it would be funny.” My boss casually intruded upon my personal privacy in order to have fun. I should be furious, but my expectations on Yukari were so low that I just took it in stride. She’ll get what’s coming to her someday, because I had no doubt, she’ll one day make too big of a mess one day and get herself fucked over. Karma is real, after all. “Okay, I’m going to ignore all those scary words, and tell you that I’m proud of you, Hachiman. You’ve broken Ran with all your plans about making her a housewife.”

I blushed at Yukari’s words, because I was a normal human being whose secrets and plans were revealed without his permission.

I did not blush because I didn’t mean for Ran to hear it.

I’d always meant for Ran to hear it, after all.

“!!!” Ran made a high-pitched sound and shook a little while sitting next to me. Her hands scrunched up her skirt, while she did her best to stop the massive, widening smile on her face. “!!!”

I enjoyed Ran’s reaction for a bit, before turning to Yukari… who decided to drop her attempt to not be perturbed.

“Che. Gross.” Yukari looked away with a grimace at her joke being foiled, and began riffling through her desert bags. Yeah. That’s right. You can’t embarrass me if I just owned up to my decisions, boss. I’ll admit that to helped that Ran found it endearing, rather than creepy. I’d probably cry if she found it creepy and was just using me for pleasure— “Okay, I get it. Stop being so sweet. You’re making my teeth ache.”

I love Ran very, very much.

I waited for Yukari to grimace, and for Ran to give off another squeal. However, when both didn’t give a response, I let out a sigh of relief in knowing that my thoughts were once again mine….

Ran is the cutest in the world.

“!!!”

“Feh. I get it. I’ll stop!”

Once again, after that bout of comedy, a decent, super powerful boss character would reveal something to their subordinates to set up the next scene.

However, Yukari was anything but decent, and after consuming another pastry, she stared at her empty bag… and began to eat from the bag she said she’d keep for the rest of week.

Then, she spoke to us with a full mouth.

“Sho how’re thingsh. Itsh pretty boring *chew* in Gensokyo.”

Yep.

Yukari was just here to eat pastries, chat, and mess with the two of us.

That was it.

Yeah, I’m just going to go home and start working on the Youkai problem tomorrow.