Omake: The Meeting 2

“Coochie coochie coo!” Vice-Admiral Garp said as he tickled Tanya. She laughed uncontrollably at the stimulation, unable to stop.

Right about when her laughter faded into wheezing, Father came to her rescue. “Alright, let her breathe.” He said, batting away the larger man’s hands.

“They're just so cute at this age!” The Vice-Admiral gushed. “I can't wait to see my grandson again, he's turned four, so it's almost time to start his training to become a strong Marine!” That seemed a little young to her, but she supposed that really depended on what kind of training it was.

Tanya sat up, still breathing deeply to recover from the “tickle monster”, as Garp put it. She looked at the side, and started giggling again. “Akainu clean?” She asked. “Want back.”

“I dunno, let's ask the expert.” Garp said, grinning “Hey Tsuru! Is the dog clean yet?”

“Which one?” The old woman asked.

“Both!”

Next to the old woman, Vice-Admiral Tsuru, Tanya’s no-longer-dirty stuffed dog was hanging on a clothesline to dry. Right next to it was Admiral Akainu, hanging on the same clothesline with a bar of soap still sticking in his mouth.

“Both could use some more time on the line, I think.” Tsuru said, nodding to herself.

Apparently, this world had a strange form of magic known as Devil Fruits. Eat one, and you gain a specific magical power. Admiral Akainu ate the Magma-Magma fruit, allowing him to turn into Magma, while Vice-Admiral Tsuru ate the Wash-Wash fruit, which lets her take anyone to the cleaners.

Apparently, this included the ability for her to render people helpless by turning them into laundry. How this worked Tanya didn't understand, but she had the sneaking suspicion that if the Admiral really had to, he could break free. He didn't look as apocalyptically furious as she'd expect he would if he was doing all he could to escape.

Once more, she attempted to curse. “Akainu fudged up.” She said. Nope, still can't swear. When Tsuru washes out your mouth with soap, she means business. She even tried out obscure Imperial swears, and she couldn't manage those either. The only good news is that the old woman combined the punishment with a bath, and Tanya never felt so clean.

“He sure did.” Garp agreed, “Hey, Moira brought the creepy one.”

Tanya looked where Garp pointed, and saw the massive Gekko Moira amble his overweight self into the reception area of Marineford. In one hand, he had the seated form of who she assumed was Perona, the little girl that he had mentioned.

Perona looked around nine, and she was dressed in a pink and black Gothic Lolita dress, with a parasol and a strange looking stuffed bear wearing a mask.

Tanya decided to wave at the little girl, starting things off friendly. Perona blushed, and waved back. Hm, she must be shy.

“Kishishishi!” Moira laughed in his distinctive way. “Isn't Mihawk’s little girl cute? I know how much you like cute things.”

Tanya winced. Such an awkward introduction… Perona was deposited in the corner of the room that Tanya was sitting on the floor in, and Perona clutched her stuffed bear tighter.

Icebreaker… “Is he sick? Tanya asked, pointing at the stuffed bear with the facemask.

Perona nodded. “Kumashi has a zombie virus.” She said, eyes lighting up as she shared her childish imagination. “He's gonna die, then rise as a zombie, and then watch out! He's gonna make more cute zombie animals, and they'll all be mine!”

…Tanya was beginning to understand why Garp called her ‘the creepy one'. Still, even she knew that you had to pretend to show interest in a child’s nonsense. “Wow! So cool!” And of course, as a small child, amplify.

Perona’s large round eyes widened further. “Really?” She asked, before recovering and acting ‘cool’. “I mean, of course. Kumashi is gonna be the zombie king! Horohorohorohoro!”

Tanya laughed because Perona was laughing, throwing in an amused clap. “You ever play a hand game?” Perona asked.

Tanya shook her head, which was sort of a lie. She's certainly never played a hand game that Perona’s familiar with.

“Okay, you gotta do the right thing with your hands according to the song.” Perona explained. She started manipulating Tanya’s arms, faux clapping and slapping and all sorts of complex hand motions while slowly enunciating the nursery rhyme that went to it. “Pret-ty prin-cess up in the tower, trapped up there with-out any pow-er.” This rhyme was surprisingly dark. “With no one to talk to other than crows, she con-vinced them to put on a show!”

There were thirty total couplets, and the hand movements was dizzyingly complex. It was just memorization and hand-eye coordination, so she wasn't surprised that Perona was capable of it, but it was far beyond something she could learn in just a few attempts. Particularly because her immature limbs were still a little clumsy.

Eventually, it was suggested that Perona teach Tanya something simpler, as she was just a baby. “Yo ho-ho, yo heave-ho, sailing away, yo ho-ho yo ho-ho, the party’s today!” They sang in tune, slapping knees and clapping hands together in sequence.

“Alright, I think he's suffered enough.” Tsuru said, which made Tanya frown. Their singing wasn't that bad, was it?

The old woman removed Akainu from the clothesline, handing the stuffed dog back to Tanya. He was soft and fluffy, better than new. The old woman then removed Admiral Akainu from the clothesline, setting him back to rightness.

The man glared at the elder. “Furlough.” He said, before his eyes widened. “Ship. Davit. Mooring post.” His glare redoubled on the old woman. “Fix it.” He ordered.

“There are children present.” Tsuru said, “You've already taught one to swear today, we're not making it two.”

“This is Marineford, Vice-Admiral, not a daycare.” Admiral Akainu growled.

“This is Marineford, Vice-Admiral, not a daycare.” Tanya repeated in a growly voice, moving the dog plushie around in time with the syllables. Father snorted in laughter at her impression.

“Stop that.” The Admiral said dangerously.

No. “Stop that.” Tanya repeated.

“Davit!” He shouted. “I will not be disrespected by a child!”

“Dumpling!” Tanya repeated the swear, “I will not be disrespected by a dog!”

Akainu twitched at the inaccuracy. “What did you say?”

“I’m Admiral Akainu, I’m the top dog here!” Tanya said, moving the plushie in front of her mouth to stop her lips moving from being visible, continuing to go off-script. “I bark at everyone to show I’m the big dog!”

Moira, Perona, and Vice-Admiral Garp were both laughing uproariously, while Father was failing to keep composure but still refrained from laughing loudly.

“Eloquent little girl, isn’t she?” Tsuru said, visibly amused.

Ah, she spoke too clearly. “I speak like a sailor, because my coat is the bestest. I am brushed every day, then ruin master’s work by rolling in hot mud. I am the big dog.” Making ‘accidental’ puns was fun.

“Hot mud?” Gasped Moira. “Magma is hot mud!”

The Admiral’s temper boiled over, magma spilling from his coat. Tanya’s breath hitched as she realized that she probably wasn’t as safe as she thought. In an eyeblink, Father had his sword out blocking the man’s magma fist. Despite being liquid, the sword stopped it cold. “Don’t even think about it.” He said, his voice dripping with menace. Tanya decided now would be a good time to start crying.

A darkness entity sprung up from the ground and held out its massive hands to shield Tanya and Perona, while still keeping enough unobscured to keep their vision clear. What in the world?

The sound of Garp’s knuckles cracking was akin to gunfire. “Sakazaki, you sure you want to start that?” Oh, is that his family name?

Admiral Akainu looked about ready to erupt, but instead took a series of  deep breaths. After the third breath, his face contorted in disgust. “Ugh, what is that smell?” Ah, finally someone noticed.

“That’s called ‘the natural consequence to scaring the crap out of a baby’.” Garp said, chuckling. “That’s your cue, Mihawk.”

Father put his sword away. “Well, it’s been entertaining, but we really should be going. I have a lot of errands to get to, now that I’m a father. You understand.” He scooped Tanya up and walked out of the room dramatically.

“Bye-bye, Slow Admiral!” Tanya called out. “Fudge off!”

“You furlough!”

-------------------------

Having living grandparents was a bit novel. She never got to interact with her grandparents much in her first life, and they were rather serious individuals. Her grandfather, someone very proud of his samurai ancestry, insisted that she learn both kendo and kyudo, and taught her for years. She never really had a talent for it, though. He was always disappointed in her, calling her a brute that was all strength, no skill.

Given that she consistently failed to win tourneys even while weighing thirty kilos over the competition’s average, she couldn't argue the point. It was ironic that she was small and nimble in the lives where that overabundance of muscle mass would have been helpful, but large and powerful when it was not an advantage that mattered directly.

…Huh. She just remembered that she was called ‘The Aichi Oni’ on the kendo circuit. Hopefully she can dodge any demonic monikers in this life and not go three for three.

Nevertheless, she had attention to soak up. “So cute!” Squealed Marigold as she hugged Tanya close. Marigold was a thirteen year old girl who was apparently one of the slaves freed by Fisher Tiger’s attack on Marejois, who had coincidentally found themselves living with Tanya’s grandparents for a little while. Of course, Marigold was already well over two meters tall, an uncommon but hardly rare thing in this world, so she felt more like an infant again getting squished to the girl’s breasts rather than the three year old she theoretically was or the two and a half year old that she had committed to pretend to be.

Sandersonia controlled her hair, the locks transforming into snakes, into tickling Tanya’s feet, provoking another laughing fit. People really liked tickling babies… “Careful, sister, even Kuja babies are fragile.” Sandersonia was fifteen, and just as tall as her little sister. She needn’t be concerned, Tanya was well cushioned.

“She's just a dumb baby.” Hancock, the oldest of the three sisters, complained. She pouted at one of the other tables in Grandma's bar, transparently jealous of the attention Tanya was getting. Hancock was sixteen, and significantly smaller than her sisters, although she was still fairly tall for an adult woman, much less a teenager. She was notably more beautiful than her sisters as well, with fantastic skin that she dressed to show off.

Tanya did suspect they weren't blood sisters, though, because they didn't really look anything alike.

“Eh, she's more of a toddler.” Grandma said, smoking a cigarette on the other side of the room. Tanya had immediately started crying when she smelled that damned tobacco, and fortunately the far-too-youthful-looking fifty-ish woman got the message to keep her second hand smoke away. “You said she was two, Mihawk?”

“That's what she said.” Father confirmed from his position relaxing at one of the booths, his feet kicked up onto the table.

“Hm, she's definitely closer to her third birthday than her second.” Grandma said, thinking carefully. “She's got a full set of teeth. Thirty months at the absolute youngest.”

Tanya ran her tongue over her teeth. Yeah, they were all there, even if two of them . were noticeably shorter than the others. Thank you Grandma, for knowing things about child development.

“So she's thirty months old. Got it.” Father said, “Her new birthday’s in six more.” Tanya winced. It wouldn't be nearly the first time she lied about something that has succeeded too well, but that just meant she was able to process the disappointment better.

*That works.” Grandma said, exhaling her smoke while facing away from Tanya. “So what are you going to do now?”

“I don’t know…” Father said, “I suppose I could get an upgraded ship. I had to hold Tanya the whole way here. Not really viable long term.”

“Yes, most children her age can't stand staying still for very long.” Grandma said idly. “Looks like you got lucky, she's rather calm.”

Ah, she should be bothersome. “Hungry.” Tanya whined.

“Hm, I'll whip something up.” Grandma said, “How about you girls, are you hungry?”

“Yes, thank you Empress Shakuyaku.” said Sandersonia respectfully.

Riiight. They had explained that to Father. Apparently, the girls, before they were enslaved, were citizens of Amazon Lily, a place where men are forbidden. Grandma used to be that country’s Empress, although ‘warrior-queen’ fit better, before these girls were born, before being exiled, Tanya assumed for the crime of not giving up her son, or perhaps just marrying Grandpa. Tanya wasn't clear on the specifics.

“Call me Shakky, girls.” Grandma said, smiling at the respect. “Actually, that gives me an idea. Mihawk, maybe you could ferry these poor girls home? Your Father’s out repaying an old debt, so he won't be able to swim them over for a while.”

“My ship won't hold that many.” Father said, “...but if they still need help once I've bought a new ship, I don't see why not.”

“Excellent. Glad that could be settled.” Grandma said. She had pulled out a pre-mixed bowl of batter from her modern-looking fridge and started ladling out pancakes onto her already-hot griddle.

“The waters around here are going to be hazardous. Going to Fishman Island would be out of the question.” Mihawk added, standing up and plucking Tanya from Marigold’s warm embrace. “So I'll need to go to Water Seven for my new ship, I think.” The first pancake was placed on a plate alone, and Father sat down, taking out the knife he keeps on a necklace and cutting it up into tiny pieces. “I don't think Den will be able to fit me in.”

“That sounds like a good idea.” Grandma said as she plated large stacks of pancakes for the teenagers.

Aw, she kind of wanted to see a real mermaid. “Fish-mens?” Tanya asked curiously before picking up another piece of pancake with her hands, cooled by the fruity syrup Father had drizzled over it, and shoving it in her mouth. The contrast between the chilled syrup and the hot pancake was delightful. This world has surprisingly good food.

“Yes, like Fisher Tiger. He's a fishman, you saw his picture, remember?” Mihawk asked.

Ah, right. She forgot that she was supposed to know that. “I hope the Slow Admiral doesn't catch Fishy.” Tanya said, “Ginny would be sad.”

“Who’s Ginny?” Marigold asked curiously.

“I had the pleasure of seeing the aftermath of Fisher Tiger’s attack.” Father said, smirking. “Ginny was the slave that was assigned to watch over Tanya when I was having my meeting.”

Grandma matched her son’s smirk. “Isn't it so convenient that you found out you're a father now. You're going to be far too busy to chase that notorious criminal like you're supposed to.”

“Far too busy.” Father agreed, “That pirate will just have to run rampant doing… what was printed on his bounty again?”

Grinning, Sandersonia took out Fisher Tiger’s bounty poster. “Theft, arson, murder, escaping captivity, assault on government installations.” Notably, not one of those crimes have the ‘divine’ prefix, which they should.

“Hm, seems pretty standard.” Father said, putting on a faux confused face. “Why on earth would they call someone like me over such a low bounty? It is a mystery…”

“Oh, and ‘divine trespassing’.” Sandersonia finished.

“Well, that must be it. Alas, Tanya takes priority over some World Noble’s trampled flowers.” He took a napkin and wiped Tanya’s hands clean.

When they finished their… well, a plate of pancakes isn’t really a full meal, more like a particularly hearty snack, Sandersonia and Marigold went back to cooing over Tanya.

“Why are you two so obsessed with that little brat!” Hancock shouted irritably.

Tanya glanced over at the teenager. Hm, she was actually angry. Jealous, maybe? She has gone through a lot recently… Eh, she’s bored. “‘Cuz I’m cuter.” Tanya said, pointing a thumb at herself.

“You are not!” Hancock shouted, walking up to her and pointing her finger straight in Tanya’s face.

“Am too.” Tanya said, “Nothing’s cuter than babies. It’s a rule.”

“Marigold! Sandersonia! Tell this little brat she’s not cuter than me!” Hancock said petulantly, stomping her foot while glaring at them.

The two sisters looked at each other nervously. “Of course, you’re the cutest and most beautiful, Hancock.” Marigold said first, unconvincingly. Sandersonia nodded fearfully.

The older, smaller sister preened under the blatant flattery. Wow, wasn’t she supposed to be a recently freed slave? How does someone get that egotistical under those circumstances?

She supposed it could just be a giant bluff, but given the Boa sisters’ reactions… “You’re stupid.” Tanya declared.

“You’re stupid!” Hancock argued back. Tanya laughed at her. She stuck her elegantly long fingernail (wait, how did she manage to keep her nails long) in Tanya’s face. The digit shimmered with the deadly grace of magic, a dark sheen coating it. Oh? “You are weak!”

Father raised an eyebrow at the blatant threat, but beyond tightening his grip on his knife, did not stop her.

Tanya brought out her own knife, coating it with a mage blade and swinging it at the finger. Hancock smirked and blocked the cut with her extended fingernail, the two magical blades clashing with each other without petty considerations like weight or force mattering.

Hancock chuckled and gently pushed against the blade, her superior strength easily moving Tanya’s knife. Still, she seemed surprised. “Eh?” She must have expected her own mage blade to cut through Tanya’s knife, which is odd, could she not sense Tanya’s own magic?

“Your Observation needs work, Hancock.” Father said idly. “Do you not sense her own haki?”

“Why does a baby have haki?” Hancock asked, utterly shocked. Is that what it’s called?

“‘Cuz I’m cuter.” Tanya asserted. “I deserve it.”

“But it takes years of battle to develop haki!” Marigold said, her own shocked reaction far more extreme than Hancock. Well, Tanya certainly meets that requirement.

“Maybe for you.” Tanya said, smiling. This was fun. “Hiyaa!” She shouted while chopping at Hancock’s finger again.

Mystified, Hancock continued to duel Tanya’s knife with her fingernail, using nothing else even when Tanya put both hands on the blade and started using an approximation of proper kendo form. Father shifted in place so that she got more room, seated on his knee as she dueled the teenager.

“If only she had actually tried to stab the Admiral.” Father said, disappointed. “The look on his face when it worked would have been exquisite.” Oh, does the ‘turn into magma’ power not work against magic?

“Well, looks like we have a future Empress here.” Grandma said, “That kind of talent would make her a shoo-in for the role, when she’s older.”

“I’m going to be the Empress!” Hancock declared, twisting her finger to hook Tanya’s knife by the guard, spinning it in her fingers, and launching it towards the youthful grandmother. Tanya blinked at the impressive feat of dexterity, staring at her now empty hands.

Without even looking, Grandma lifted her shoulder, knocking the knife upwards, casually holding out her hand and letting it fall by the handle into her waiting hand. She then cleaned the knife with a washcloth and then started cutting some kind of leafy green into shreds. Wonder what she was making? Tanya was pretty full with just one pancake, though… “The Empress is thirsty!” Tanya declared imperiously.

Amused, Grandma brought out a bottle of warm milk, apparently anticipating her request. “I’m the future Empress here!” Hancock insisted.

“I guess this is for you, then.” Grandma said, handing Hancock the bottle of milk. She also handed Tanya back her knife, which was immediately stowed.

Sputtering, Hancock quickly handed the bottle to Tanya. “Your Empress thanks you.” Tanya said, then started drinking. Hm, from the flavor, she’d guess some kind of sea mammal milk. It’s even less sweet than cow’s milk, like drinking butter. “Bleh. Gross.” She said, before glancing at the leftover syrup on the plate. Hmm…

Hancock made a sound that reminded Tanya a little bit of a tea kettle, “You little brat!”

Tanya looked at her, still in the middle of licking her now syrup-coated hand. “Eh?” After Hancock sputtered for a bit, Tanya went back to drinking the fatty dairy, swirling it in her mouth with the syrup. Yes, that was acceptable. Swallowing, she turned to Hancock. “You’re done. Shoo.” She said, waving the girl off with the spit-covered hand in what she hoped was a royal manner.

Hancock stepped back, flinching away from a droplet of drool. “Do we really have to go with this gremlin?” She asked Grandma, who nodded. “Nooo…” She dramatically collapsed onto one of the padded benches.

Tanya cackled.

-------------------------

Travel in Father’s tiny boat with four other people was miserable. So… they didn’t. Instead, Father just packed it up, put it in storage (read: in the back of the Rip-Off bar), and captured a random pirate, in this case a notorious 120 million bounty known as ‘Cunning’ Prize, and his older brother by the name of Bounty.

With his captures in hand, Father turned them into the Marines, and insisted on accompanying the prison ship to its destination, Enies Lobby. Introducing the Boa sisters as ‘distant cousins that are afraid of most men’, they were kept in full body concealing cloaks as they sailed along the proprietary Tarai current, which allowed for swift transport between the nearby Marineford, the headquarters of the Navy, Eines Lobby, the judicial center of the World Government, and Impel Down, the largest and most secure prison in the world.

Apparently, there was a recently developed special ‘sea train’ that used floating tracks in this part of the world, with Eines Lobby being one of the stops, and Water Seven, the largest and most advanced shipbuilding port in the world, being another. Given that Water Seven was responsible for the aforementioned Sea Train… their reputation checked out.

Well, currently the only stops were Eines Lobby and Water Seven. The other tracks were still under construction. Still, Water Seven was an amazing island. So heavily developed that it more resembled a giant fountain in the middle of the ocean than anything wrought by nature.

“Wow…” Tanya said as she beheld the monument of engineering. She was sitting on herfather’s shoulders, legs wrapped around his neck and the incredibly long hilt of his sword as a backrest. His hat was resting on Yoru’s pommel, acting as a cushion for her head.

Their first stop wasn’t inside the immense walls, however. “Tom, I see the World Government still finds you useful.”

‘Tom’ was a massive man, round and puffy with a white beard. He was seated with a group of dockworkers, having lunch. His skin was yellow and moist, and he had both horns and a massive pair of gills poking out from under his too-small vest. He must be a fish-man. “Tahahahaha! Mihawk! It’s the only thing keeping me alive, with gusto!” Now that sounded like a cool story.  “How’s old Silver?” Who?

“Didn’t get a chance to see him, sadly. He’s paying back some favors that were cashed in from your old neck of the woods.” He said obliquely. He must mean Grandpa and Fishman Island. Also, it was interesting that her grandfather also had a ‘Silver’ epithet. Odd coincidence.

“So he’s raising hell, with gusto!” Tom said, laughing. He ate more of his lunch, which was a mouth-wateringly fragrant bowl of ramen that was so large she could swim in it.

The two young men at his sides, each with their own bowls of ramen, looked quizzically at them. They both had blue hair, but that was where the similarities ended. One was wearing even less than Tom, forgoing pants entirely in favor of a speedo, which was certainly a stylistic choice that complemented his pompadour-like haircut. The other was… well, wearing work clothes. Nothing terribly interesting there. The boring one spoke up. “Isn’t that ‘Hawk-Eyes’ Mihawk? The Warlord?”

“Nothing gets past you.” Father said dryly. “I need a new ship, Tom. One large enough that it can actually be lived in.” As Tanya understood things, Father just didn’t sleep and didn’t cook when he was sailing, and made frequent stops along the way to sleep and eat and bathe. Even if she was willing to live such an ascetic lifestyle, it would be physiologically impossible for her to remain healthy in those conditions.

Tanya decided to pipe up. “Ramen.” She said, pointing at the bowl. “I want it.” On cue, her stomach growled at the thought of noodles.

The old-ish woman that was tending to a cookpot burst into laughter. “Nagagagagaga! Well aren’t you a cute little thing that knows what she wants.” She held out her hands to Mihawk. “Here, I’ll take care of her while you two talk ships.”

Mihawk kneeled and let Tanya be lifted off of his shoulders, grabbing his hat and putting it back on now that she was off. That done, the Boa sisters crowded around the ramen pot. “By the way, you four can call me Granny Kokoro. All the fingerlings do.” After the three girls were served, a tiny amount of ramen was placed in another bowl for Tanya, with all the stuff inside cut up into small pieces. “Can you feed yourself, you little fry?”

Tanya nodded and accepted the offered spoon. “Wait, hold on.” Marigold said, as she was the one holding the diaper bag. After a bib was secured around Tanya’s neck, she started enjoying her ramen.

“So what brings you into the company of little Hawky?” Granny Kokoro asked, picking her own bowl of ramen back up after adding more ingredients to the pot. There must still be some dockworkers who haven’t started lunch yet.

“The warlord has agreed to ferry us back to our home.” Hancock immediately replied.

Granny Kokoro slurped up more noodles. “How’d you pull that off?” She asked.

“Grandma told him to.” Tanya said, before eating another spoonful of delicious noodle soup. Mm, tastes like shrimp ramen.

“That’ll do it. He’s always been a bit of a Mama’s boy.” Granny Kokoro said sagely.

Tanya tuned out the next part of the conversation in favor of delicious shrimp ramen. It’s been so long…