The Making of 100 Epitaphs. Part 1: Music

Behind the Scenes 12.2023

Scrapped asset for the old version of 100 Epitaphs

I wanted to make this a single post, but it was hard to fit everything I wanted to talk about without it getting absolutely bloated. So I’m splitting it into two parts: one for the music component, and one about my work on the MV.

Please keep in mind that the samples in the following section are from a very early version of the song. The instrumentation is rudimentary and the vocals are barely tuned in parts. There are also no harmonies or proper mixing.

100 Years of Solitude

I started writing the first version of 100 Epitaphs when I was still working on Convergence. Back then it was named 100 Years of Solitude, which is the title you see in this concept art from 2019.

I’ll talk more about this scene in the next post.

This is something that happens pretty often with PAFL in particular: since each episode takes a while to make, I start getting sick of it. So my mind drifts to the next, supposedly more exciting part.

Since I began working on the song when I haven't yet bought a real guitar, the instrumental was more similar to what you've come to expect from PAFL. Here's a sample from that old version:

[ LISTEN TO THE SAMPLE ]

That lead melody is very Strike 3/PAFL-ish, right? I actually still kinda like the beat in the second verse, the instruments there remind me of a flock of birds:

[ LISTEN TO THE SAMPLE ]

It sounds wistful and fleeting. Maybe I’ll reuse that sort of instrumentation in a later project.

But of course, the song itself also had a different melody and lyrics. And sadly, both sucked balls.

Well, not entirely.

I actually liked the way the verse and bridge were structured, the melody flowed nicely from a fast-paced monotone to a more melodic transition towards the chorus. Here's a sample with vocals:

[ LISTEN TO THE SAMPLE ]

Lyrics:

Maybe a curse of your own

Maybe a cursed fortune

Leads you to grieve all alone

Without a ghost to haunt you

So who’s the next one to fall?

A question of exhaustion

You’ve had enough of it all

You take the call to

Channel your love through the noise

Of moral obligation

You’ll play the world like a toy

Until it comes to break you

Choking on dust is a choice

The answer to the question,

What would you rather destroy?

You flip a coin

Oh you see, you feel, you know

A simple chain can’t

Hold out against a saw

But for some reason hesitation

Still clogs your throat

The sky of limestone

Presses down its heavy dome

You’re waiting for another…

Some of these are pretty good. But I think you can see what my issue with these was. Despite having a couple of decent bars and an okay overall flow, a lot of word choices felt boring.

They technically conveyed what I wanted to, but did so in a way that felt really straightforward and trite. I don't like the “throw darts at a thesaurus” kinda lyric writing - I believe you can create compelling imagery without trying too hard to sound smart.

But simplicity also needs to be tasteful. Coming up with interesting but decipherable metaphors while using relatively simple words is a fun and rewarding challenge. Plainly writing out the character’s feelings using the most boilerplate imagery makes things feel primitive and childish. It will cheapen even the deepest message out there.

I guess a basic example would be the difference between saying “this makes me feel sick” and “I’m about to vomit”. It seems insignificant, but the first one directly tells you what the character is feeling inside, while the second shows it.

I won't say this applies to all the lyrics here, of course. I like the references to Strike 3’s “channelling love” lines for sure. Some other ones I've liked have been repurposed into the song’s newer version. For example:

• a simple chain can’t hold out against a saw  - > a razorblade, a knife or a saw; the tepid autumn day is starting to thaw
• you'll play the world like a toy until it comes to break you  - > playing the world like a toy, I think I’m gonna hurl
• you're waiting for another monochrome photograph, the sight's always the same: a familiar name above an epitaph - > a candle burns another photograph // another apathetic epitaph

Still, generally speaking, the whole song gave off a much shallower impression and sometimes the wrong idea of what I was aiming for. Particularly the line “a confession unmade” from the chorus would be interpreted romantically by the vast majority of listeners, and I didn't want that.

Really, the chorus was the main reason why I rewrote it all from the ground up. It wasn't even the shitty lyrics, it was the melody.

[ LISTEN TO THE SAMPLE ]

Lyrics:

You’re waiting for another

Monochrome photograph

The sight’s always the same

A familiar name

Above an epitaph

A faraway laugh

A confession unmade

A heart hardened by fate

Cannot break down

Despite being short, the tune was rather grating and not especially catchy either. Lame lyrics I can stomach, a crappy hook not so much. So after a multitude of attempts to come up with a new melody for it, I’ve decided it’s best to take a couple trillion steps back and just start over.

That’s not to say all of this old version was scrapped. Just take a listen to its final segment:

[ LISTEN TO THE SAMPLE ]

Starting anew

Blame her.

I’ve wanted an electric guitar since high school but kept putting it off until Bocchi the Rock finally pushed me over the edge in February 2023. I also wanted to use real guitars since the very start of PAFL, and considering I was remaking the song anyways, I thought, hey. Great timing.

I was still very new to electric guitar when I recorded my parts for the song: they’re all extremely simple and pretty sloppy when you listen to them. To be honest, I haven’t had the time to practise regularly in the past 8 months, so I’m not much better now, hahah.

The little guitars in the second verse were absolutely me messing around AND messing up. I intended for them to sound cleaner, but didn’t have the skill for it. I ended up vibing with the way they sounded when backed up with a guitar VST, though.

Speaking of which, since my leads weren’t always very clean, I helped myself out with an extra layer of VST guitars.

For example, here’s what my pre-chorus and chorus lead sounded like as I played it:

[ LISTEN TO THE SAMPLE ]

Here’s the VST part for the same segment:

[ LISTEN TO THE SAMPLE ]

And here’s what they sounded like together with the rhythm guitar:

[ LISTEN TO THE SAMPLE ]

I think it really aided in covering up some of the less precise moments while not sounding excessively synthy.

In general, being able to effortlessly achieve a realistic guitar sound with, well, real guitars was a godsend. I always stressed out a lot about being unable to make VST guitars sound very natural and this resolved this issue.

Made me enjoy the song making process a whole lot more!

Rewriting the lyrics

Another asset for the old version of the song. Was supposed to appear for the lyrics “Leads you to grieve all alone”.

This particular song is one I’ve been looking forward to for a very, very long time. So I wanted to make the words sound just right, even if it took a while to reach the level that I would find satisfying.

And it did take a while.

I think I only finished writing the song in October, maybe even November. Forced lyrics won’t ever sound good – and it’s something so simple, but so annoying to accept. I believe that patience really paid off, though.

I don’t remember all the specifics, but inspiration for certain lyrics came completely out of left field. I wanted to write about where “a hand that still remembers the gun” came from but it was too embarrassing…

I thought I’d write more stuff in this section, but it’s hard to do so without going into detail about the meaning of particular lines. I don’t like doing that: it’s always more fun to see how others interpret stuff when there’s no author’s voice telling them what’s what.

Oh yeah, now that I mention that. I think the biggest difference was in how I portrayed Sanya’s mentality about losing others. The old version went as follows:

[ LISTEN TO THE SAMPLE ]

Lyrics:

Something you learn to expect

Something you learn to swallow

Something you learn to accept

Until your heart is hollow

Someone you learn to forget

Someone you learn to follow

Sorrow has lost its effect

Suppress and disconnect

And that’s so lame, right? It’s so obviously portrayed as negative, it feels stupid. Until your heart is hollow? Suppress and disconnect? Please. It’s beating the audience over the head with it. I wanted to show it in a way that makes it easier to align with and understand. Emphasise the futility of wasting one’s emotional energy on something inevitable.

Some time ago, I had written a short text about Kolya trying to teach Sanya guitar and telling her about building up calluses. It was a not-so-subtle comparison to how the pain that comes with being a stalker and losing others will dull over time: the skin on your fingers will harden, and so will the shell around your heart.

Calluses isn’t a very pretty word so picking at wounds, scratches and scars was used instead. Not exactly the same meaning, but a similar kind of mildly unpleasant comparison.

So I guess it all boils down to me just looking for more roundabout ways to describe things, hahah.

Extra note

I have this pattern with PAFL where if I have a nice time producing the song, the video will be a total nightmare, and vice versa. And the funny thing is that it always flips from one song to another: I liked making the song of Parties Are For Losers, the PV kicked my ass. False Disposition was super stressful to produce, but the video production went smoothly. And it continued on like that.

Convergence was the one where I had awful trouble with the audio. So just as expected, the song of 100 Epitaphs came to me very naturally, if a bit slowly. The whole process felt very refreshing, it's genuinely one of the most enjoyable projects I've ever worked on. 

But of course – just as expected – the video was a huge, huge challenge. But we’ll talk about that in the next one!

See you all next year:)