Q&A: Kolya Reizner

 oh hell no who put grandpa on the mic

It took a while, but Kolya is finally here, ready to answer your most pressing questions. The interview is image based - as usual, you can find the text transcript at the bottom of the post.

Hit it, uncle!

TRANSCRIPT

WEN asks: What are the best locations to visit in the Zone in your opinion?

Kolya: Woah, that’s a hard one… The Ol’ Town, maybe. You can throw things in ‘ere and watch ‘em twist and warp. It’s real beautiful, the way everythin’ melts n’ flows, I tell ya. But few folks take to it...

Oh, maybe the White Techa? There’s always them ball lightnings and electros floatin’ above the water. When it gets dark, it all glows an’ flashes. There’s that thick cyan fog, an’ it cracks, an’ it smells like ozone. But, uh... You best bring some sunglasses.

SKELETON asks: What was it like taking care of younger Sergei and Sasha after they lost their father? Do you look back fondly on the memories you made at that time?

Kolya: It was mighty hard! I’m no good with paperwork, never was... So, uh, sometimes things just didn’t go to plan. 

[An image of Nikita and Kolya at the computer. Kolya has mistyped the bank account number.

Nikita: “An’ you sent everythin’ there?”

Kolya: “Everythin’.”

Nikita: “For cryin’ out loud…”]

But we had a heap of good moments, of course. Serozha was a real smart boy — talented, too. An’ Sasha sure was curious. The two had a good ear for music. That's a wondeful thing, now ain't it?

HAPPYSERGEI123 asks: Hey, uncle :) Do you have any particularly fond memories with Sergei or Sanya?

Kolya: Yeah. We had ourselves a real fine trip with the kids years back. I reckon Serozha must've been 'bout 17 then, Sasha was… I ain’t sure. We went to visit some graves and stopped at a coupla landmarks on the way. It was real nice.

HOW TF DID THAT WORK asks: Do you relate to this list:

• little eye contact;

• distinct reactions to lights, tastes, smells, sounds, colours, textures;

• very specific interests;

• repeating words or phrases (echolalia);

• repetitive behaviours, such as spinning or other forms of stimming;

• nonverbal communication or delayed language development;

• intense reactions to minor changes in routine or surroundings;

• difficulty understanding social cues and fitting in with peers.

Kolya: Oh, that’s one of those, uh… I know those. Psycho tests, yeah? I ain’t no psycho, don’t you worry.

SIR OPPOSITION asks: If you could come back and talk to any of the characters we know and give them advice who and why?

Kolya: Hm. I dunno if I’d wanna. Ah, maybe Olya. She had that, uh… The Zone takes to people like her, it really does. It’s for people like her. What I’m sayin’ is, I reckon she could be more selfish.

SOCK asks: As you've experienced being dissolved by the Grinder firsthand, what does it feel like?

Kolya: The Grinder’s, um… Lotsa folks told me it was awful pain. Or guessed, I mean… But, uh… It wasn’t, at all. 

It was like bein’ submerged into dark and warm water. Floatin’ deeper an’ deeper, deeper an’ deeper. And with every inch it became clearer an’ clearer: how flimsy everythin’ on the surface was, how loud, an’ ugly, an’ vapid. You understand.

Shame people think it a horrible death. It ain’t, it’s the furthest thing from it.