Schedule update/livestream changes (Dec update tomorrow)

hello hello hello 👋

The December update will be posted tomorrow (or tonight, depending on your time zone). Below will be something more personal, so no need to read it, at the very bottom, I'll put a summary so you can also just scroll down to that. 

Now... 

I'm sorry, I don't like changing things, but sometimes it's necessary. I know many people think my job is super easy, and that all I do is watch to anime :) which sounds very simple and undemanding. And it probably could be a lot simpler, but haha I make things more difficult for myself than it needs to be. 

I could just record and post reactions, ignore the comments, DMs and to be honest, I could lie about how I feel about everything or at least be LESS honest when I don't like things XD at least I would get less heat from people who don't like that aspect of my reactions. 

I could stop making notes or just do brief reviews (which I'm sure the majority of people would prefer), I could stop streaming entirely to be honest and just pre-record... Which is probably the most difficult thing for me (streaming), because (as a person who wears her heart on her sleeve) having people judge and criticise your most raw emotions is not the easiest thing ^^' 

In streams, I feel nervous, because anything I say or do cannot be edited out, I don't have time to process feelings before people start chipping in their own opinion or picking apart my thoughts or feelings. I also feel pressure to entertain people and yet still be focused on the anime and make sure that's the focus and I still give meaningful reviews that's more my own opinion than just reading, deciphering or responding to the thoughts of others. 

OOF. See? I told you I make it so much more difficult for myself than it needs to be. I know that. But also, I believe that's what makes me different from other reactions. Everyone's way of doing things have value, but the most valuable things (in my opinion) is authentic work. And this is how I keep things authentic. 

I had to put down my cat this month, and I only took one day off for that. We had family over consistently for the last few weeks too, so I have rarely had the house to myself and as an introvert, I need my personal space to recharge. I've been streaming 5 times a week, recording on the other days still, rewatching AOT and making extensive notes, because I'm super excited for the final season and I want to be on top of things. Also, I had some pretty rough hxh streams recently (the last 3 at least) and had some pretty nasty things said to me as a result. 

So tonight, mid stream, I kind of just gave up, lol. I was making a theory about something (while watching the episode), and was told that my theory isn't possible. As usual, I asked the chat not to confirm/deny my theories, or at least wait until the end of the reaction before we start picking apart my experience. Whether or not I missed something, I think the least the live chat could do was be courteous enough to let my reaction play out naturally and let me make my theory, even if I'm wrong, and in the end we could talk about it. E.g. if I missed as scene, they could ask me to go back and rewatch a certain part and see where that leads my thoughts. As my friend said, "You only screw yourself over by taking away the chance for the reactor to realize it on their own". Although I was a little annoyed at first, because I've asked so many times for that, I was being polite/calm when explaining why I don't want people confirming or denying my theories, even if I'm wrong. Someone told me I was over reacting and I think that's what made me turn off the stream and decide that I just don't want to stream for a while. 

As much as I've loved streaming up to now, at this point in time, I am really tired of people chipping in every 5 seconds to tell me my reaction is wrong, my theories are wrong, I'm not understanding this the way I "should" be, I missed that, I am thinking too much about this,  "What are you reacting to next?", blah blah blah blah.... 

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE what I do!! I love streaming and talking to you guys about anime, or manga, or games, or just life in general. But I just need space from all those voices chipping in all the time, just for a little bit... 🙈 tomorrow is OP day, so no streaming. And I did schedule a day off for myself to relax on Wednesday. So who knows! Maybe I'll feel better on Thursday and I can watch Naruto live with you guys XD 

I just felt the need to vent a bit, but also explain from my perspective why I just up and left tonight's stream. It's not professional, and I apologise for that. I want to be better for you guys. Streams (or my videos in general) should be fun/entertaining/interesting to you guys. It should NOT be filled with any drama. 

So I hope you can just give me a couple of days to refresh and refocus, and I'll come back (to streams) as soon as possible so that we can all enjoy our time together. Videos will continue as scheduled (for the most part), no worries there. I might just need to move Bleach up a bit. 

If you read all of this, wow! Thank you so much for taking the time to do that. I appreciate everyone's love and support, and I will do my best to manage my time and mental space better so y'all have the best experience with me/my videos!! I mean, you might still not always like what I have to say XD 

but as long as you can discuss it with me respectfully, without spoilers/hints, and give me a little time to process my immediate emotions (taking into account it'll be my first reaction to something you've probably seen a lot and already had time to formulate an opinion on), then there will be no problems :) today, I got back to a DM on Discord that was sent to me one month ago. I felt so bad! But I DID get back to it, even though it took me a long time <3 I care about what you guys have to say, so I do my best to get to each message and give it enough thought and consideration before replying. 

SUMMARY: 

- I only watched one episode of Bleach tonight, I'll be rescheduling it, I'm sorry about that.

- all other videos will be recorded and posted as usual (4 episodes of OP tomorrow), I just might not livestream for a while. But we'll see how I feel. 

- HAPPY DECEMBER!! (it's 1:22 am now). I will post the December update tonight which will include links to the NEW full reactions doc and updated schedule.