Hi

For everyone pledging in the last half year, sorry I haven't been here. This post is for everyone new and old, whoever is still reading these posts.

Patreon somehow became the scariest platform for me. I don't really know how it turned out this way, maybe because I'm really bad at providing rewards? Or maybe because I felt like I needed to be on guard and strong during meetups.

I started feeling "Well, why do people even want to come over here anymore?" Everyone build their friend groups and I felt like I didn't want to really intrude on that. Generally I just nod my head and express that I hope they'll be happier when leaving me. I just feel like its really valid?

But now I'm so conflicted haha, nobody really approached me with any problems and I barely expressed mine(i think?). And now I can't stop remembering moments that made me uncomfortable. Is it even okay for me to start complaining now after I couldn't provide nearly any reward to anyone?

So, after last donathon I vowed again to work on patreon, the only thing I know how to do is host meetups and do occasional ASMR so I'll try my best to do that again. Maybe things are different now?


Either way.. I want to talk about boundaries if we're doing this.

Flirting is fine, just stop trying to fuck me please. Don't sniff me. Don't lick me. Don't grope me. If I ask for something to stop, please actually stop. I'm really not going to do it. Don't do it to my friends either as they feel the same. 

I don't wish to become closer on an emotional level, my plate is filled and I cannot handle anymore.

I hid an actual breakdown after a meetup at one point and I haven't been able to enjoy a Patreon hangout ever since. I need to be able to kick people who give me an awful vibe, I can't just keep pokerfacing like this.

So... yeah. Is that okay? This really isn't an opportunity to become really close to me or fuck me okay? This is not the place or mood for that. We can hang out and talk and chill but that's all I can do. 

Even on lewd platforms I barely show up and am extremely reserved to lewding in meetups/events unless I'm literally out of my mind that day. (this happened ONLY once)

I just want to feel like I'm able to be vulnerable around everyone, if I feel like I have to be strong to enter the room, I don't really want to enter that room at all. I'll try to communicate my feelings as best as possible and include social safewords if I have to.

If that's okay with you, I'm restarting VRChat meetups. The first one will be on February 3rd - 11PM CET.

I'll try my best to make it special for us.