Throwback Thursday 9/9 - Warm

This weeks throwback is going to be a mushy gushy sappy one. This drawing doesn't have any particularly deep meaning in of itself but it actually reveals a lot about my drawing motivations and who I am so it's worth a read. Here I wanted to draw something wholesome and tender and convey a sense of Warmth both its literal meaning and its connotation with love. One think you should know about me is that I am *painfully* a hopeless romantic. I fucking love love. I long for a relationship and having a man of my own so we can do all that dumb wholesome couple stuff. One of the most romantic things I can think of is taking an evening stroll (yes, yes I know how corny that sounds). Evening strolls are especially romantic when its cold and you get to be all pressed up together enjoying each others presence and warmth. Capturing that essence was my primary goal. And of course what's more romantic than Christmas time? Trick question Christmas time + Snowfall is more romantic. So here we have these two arms interlocked and enjoying an evening stroll, its Christmas time and the snows falling. It's like time begins to slow and its just the two of them appreciating the closeness that the other offers. Do you get what I mean when I am said this was gonna get sappy?

This drawing is not without its tinge of horniness though. Anyone who's been around fat person should know that they produce a ton of body heat. The real big boys are practically space heaters. Because of that fat men often don't have to bundle up nearly as much as their skinnier counterparts. I've always found that contrast in dress requirements to stay warm very sexually appealing. The contrast between Bubba wearing a simple jacket compared to his boyfriend who's bundled up completely. It's a subtle nod to fat he is and also shows how fat men can casually show off how fat they are.

The composition of this drawing was a doozy. It's one of the most detailed backgrounds I have ever done, certainly the most complex I had done when I made it. The majority of the time was spent constructing a snippit of a street during Christmas time and having to color and shade it in an interesting way. Additionally I had to learn how to make snow fall and snow on the ground look realistic. It wasn't as hard as I initially thought it would be but it was still somewhat of a learning curve. Overall I think I succeeded in creating a nice Christmas-esq picture.

Lastly, this drawing gets at the core of who I am and why I draw. Sure I draw many, many horny things and on some level I am a fetish artist. But you'll notice that the majority of what I draw isn't explicitly/exclusively horny. Often, the focus is on something wholesome, lighthearted or causal at its core that is played up/exaggerated for horny fun. That's for a few reasons. One I am really not that type of horny person. Things just being straight smut isn't all that interesting to me. Additionally, part of drawing is manifesting what YOU want to see in the world. It's a unique chance to create something entirely how you want. Being a hopeless romantic leaves a lot to be desired in fat fetish spaces. Often times the aspect of love and such is completely tertiary to matters of horniness. People are often involved because they want to jerk off and then be done with it but that's not me at all. I am much more interested in depictions of being in a relationship with a fat man. However, being in this fat fetish scene... frankly I don't see that often. I don't see it depicted in art, many of my gainer art heroes who inspired me did not and to this day its not seen often beyond me of course. And I especially don't see it in real life. Majority of the happy relationships you will find on Grommr(that are visible anyway) are chub4chub relationships. And that's great for them but I can count on one hand the amount of times I've seen a visible fat guy in a relationship with a skinny guy. I know they exist, of course they do, just saying what I usually see. And additionally, when I do see it its often a relationship dynamic that does not reflect what I desire. Usually its a fat man who is very cherubic and submissive with a skinny guy who is more muscular and masculine. Again, great for them, but not for me. It becomes even more complicated when you factor race in the mix as a Black person. I have seen precisely two couples where there was a black skinny chaser with a fat bearish man. TWO times in the span of my many years active in these gaining spaces. All of that is to say there's a specific reason why I draw Bubba and myself in these sorts of scenes. I am single and that sucks, I don't see depictions of the relationship I want in either art or irl but I do have the ability to draw what I want to see in the world. It may not presently tangible for me but I can draw it. A huge motivation for my art really boils down to loneliness, so much so I may not even necessarily feel compelled to draw when I get into a relationship frankly haha. I don't want to give the impression that I am sad and mopey, but rather my art is a sorta therapeutic experience. Drawings such as this one get to cheer me up. Thanks for reading I know this was a long one.