MHA80- Hostage Negotiation

The moment Nezu wrapped up, the mic was handed over. “...Lastly, we have some final comments from… Hound Dog-sensei from Lifestyle Guidance.”

Oh no.

The gruffest, angriest, most unintelligible staff member at U.A. stepped up, gripping the podium like it had personally wronged him. The second he took a breath, the entire audience braced themselves.

“UNBE—RHAHA RURAA LIFESTYLE HGUHH!!”

Half the students flinched. A few teachers sighed, already used to it.

“RAUH DORM BUAUH GHRBH GBAH!!”

I glanced at Kaminari. “You getting any of this?”

He just stared. “Bro, I don’t even think he’s speaking Japanese.”

Aizawa stood nearby, rubbing his temples. He was supposed to translate, but even he looked like he was regretting life.

Hound Dog’s growling continued, echoing through the area.

“AHOOOOOOOO!!”

Jiro leaned toward me. “Is this… is this a speech?”

“Depends. Do speeches usually sound like someone’s trying to fight God?”

Kirishima nodded in understanding. “He’s really passionate about… something.”

Bakugo scoffed. “Tch. I don’t need some damn mutt telling me how to live.”

Vlad King, either used to this or just really good at bullshitting, cleared his throat and translated. “Errr… ‘While there has been unbefitting behavior in the dorms, such as the recent incident in the General Department’s building…’”

Tsuyu tilted her head. “Does he forget human speech when he’s angry?”

I smirked. “I respect it.”

Vlad continued. “‘Please conduct yourselves according to the lifestyle standards expected of you all…’ is what he said.”

A few students from the General Department groaned. Someone muttered, “It wasn’t even that bad.”

Vlad ignored it. “Now then, make your way back to your classrooms.”

Aizawa stood at the front of the classroom, looking as sleep-deprived as ever. "Well then. Starting today, we will be resuming our normal classroom activities."

Aizawa continued, "I know you have all been through a lot, but now is the time to renew yourselves. To help you reach your full potential, we will be pushing even harder this semester."

Kirishima grinned. "Tougher training, huh? Sounds awesome!"

Iida adjusted his glasses. "That is to be expected! We must continue to forge ourselves into proper heroes!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Kaminari muttered. "As long as it doesn’t involve another test like the last one..."

Aizawa ignored the side chatter. "Despite today's activities being limited to a classroom lecture, do not let that fool you. This semester’s workload will be even heavier than before."

Groans echoed through the room.

I slumped onto my desk. "Great. Just what we needed. More suffering."

Mina raised her hand. "Excuse me, Sensei, if I may?"

Aizawa gave her a lazy look. "What is it, Ashido?"

"I was wondering if you could tell us more about the hero internships mentioned in the opening ceremony? We know little about it."

That got the attention of most of the class. Even Todoroki, who had been silently staring out the window like some brooding anime protagonist, turned his head slightly.

"I’m interested as well," Momo added.

Aizawa sighed, rubbing his temples. "I was planning to tell you all about it later... but now that I think about it, it makes more sense to do it now."

Tsuyu tilted her head. "It seems like most of the upperclassmen are involved in them too, right?"

Aizawa nodded. "Think of it like a more formalized version of the field training you did with pro heroes before. Put simply, these are hero activities done off-campus."

Iida looked deep in thought. "That would mean the Sports Festival was not the only opportunity for professional connections."

Uraraka suddenly slammed her hands on the desk, looking betrayed. "THEN WHAT WAS THE POINT OF ALL THE STRUGGLES WE WENT THROUGH FOR THE SPORTS FESTIVAL?!"

Aizawa remained unfazed. "The hero internships are an opportunity for you to make use of the connections you made at the Sports Festival. They are not linked to classes at all but are instead managed at the discretion of students themselves. If you made no connections, I imagine it will be very difficult for you to participate in such activities."

Uraraka deflated immediately. "I-I’m sorry, I jumped to conclusions..."

Aizawa gave her a deadpan look. "If that addresses everything, sit down."

Bakugo snorted. "Tch. The weak ones are already freaking out."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "You realize if no one scouts you, you’ll just be doing internships at some low-tier agency, right?"

Bakugo glared at me. "Shut the hell up, nerd."

Aizawa continued like he did not hear our bickering. "Because you have acquired your provisional licenses, you are now eligible to participate in formal, longer-term hero activities."

Before anyone could ask more questions, the door to the classroom slammed open.

"ENGLISH CLASS!!! IT IS MY TIME NOW!!"

Present Mic burst in like a man who had been waiting for this moment his entire life.

Mina groaned. "Oh god, not English..."

"LET’S PUSH OURSELVES FORWARD TODAY! TURN IT UP! YEAHHH!!"

I grinned, looking at my groaning classmates. “Sensei Mic, how about we do some roleplay today?”

The entire class snapped their heads toward me, half in disbelief, half in horror. Present Mic, on the other hand, practically vibrated with excitement.

“OH HELL YEAH! NOW THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT, MIDORIYA!” He clapped his hands together like he had just been handed the keys to a rock concert. “ROLEPLAY! LET’S GET INTO CHARACTER, PEOPLE! HEROES, VILLAINS, HIGH-STAKES DRAMA! WHAT’S THE SCENARIO?! GIVE IT TO ME!!”

I leaned back in my chair, casually throwing an arm over the backrest. “Simple. We simulate a hostage negotiation in English. One person plays the villain, another plays the hero, and the rest provide support or throw in obstacles.”

Jiro groaned. “Why would you do this to us?”

Mina elbowed her. “C’mon, it’s better than worksheets.”

“Barely,” Jiro muttered.

Mic slammed his hands on the podium. “MIDORIYA, YOU GET ME! ALRIGHT, CLASS! WE’RE GOING ALL OUT! LET’S SET THE SCENE!”

“Who is playing who?”

I kicked my feet up. “Easy. The villain—” I pointed at Bakugo “—has taken a hostage, and the hero—” I pointed at Todoroki “—has to negotiate. The rest of you are either the police, the press, or just bystanders making everything worse.” Then I pointed at myself with a grin, "And I am the fearless, shitmouth, handsome hostage!"

Bakugo clicked his tongue. “Like hell I’m the villain.”

“Bro, you literally threaten to kill people on a daily basis.”

“That’s different.”

Todoroki tilted his head. “What am I supposed to say?”

“Figure it out.”

“...I hate this already.”

Mic was practically bouncing. “ALRIGHT! BAKUGO, YOU’RE THE VILLAIN! TODOROKI, YOU’RE THE HERO! MIDORIYA, YOU’RE THE HOSTAGE! EVERYONE ELSE, PICK YOUR ROLES! LET’S GOOOOO!!!”

Kirishima nudged Bakugo. “Dude, just roll with it.”

Bakugo scowled but crossed his arms. “Fine. Whatever.”

Mina raised her hand. “I call the panicked bystander.”

Kaminari grinned. “I’ll be the dumbass that gets in the way.”

“That’s not a role, that’s just you.”

“I know.”

I stretched. “Alright, let’s start. Hero versus villain. English only. Bakugo, threaten the hostage.”

Bakugo exhaled sharply through his nose, clearly over it. “I keel him.”

I sighed. “Wow. Riveting. Try again, but in full sentences.”

Bakugo’s eye twitched. “I. Will. Kill. Him.”

I leaned back in my chair, staring at Bakugo. “You diarrhea explosion villain, if you are man, kill me. You are too afraid to even touch me. You spineless, ballless, bastard.”

Bakugo’s eye twitched. His grip on the fake prop gun tightened, looking one second away from actually using it. “The fuck did you just say?”

I rolled my neck, sighing like I was already bored. “Did I stutter? You got all that anger but no action. You are like a dog with no bite, just barking, barking, barking. You gonna do something, or is this all just for show?”

Kirishima coughed, trying to contain a laugh. Kaminari didn’t even try. “Damn, bro. You’re really pushing it.”

Todoroki, still playing the ‘hero’ in this setup, crossed his arms. “I don’t negotiate with villains.”

“Then get better at your job, because right now, I’m the one suffering,” I shot back.

Bakugo finally snapped. “Oh, I’ll kill you, alright!” He lunged, but Present Mic was way ahead, already shouting.

“WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! NO ACTUAL VIOLENCE! BAKUGO, CONTROL YOURSELF! MIDORIYA, STOP INSTIGATING! AND TODOROKI, BE MORE HEROIC!”

Todoroki blinked. “How?”

“USE YOUR WORDS! NEGOTIATE!”

Todoroki glanced at me, then at Bakugo, then sighed. “Let the hostage go.”

Bakugo scoffed. “Yeah? Or what?”

Todoroki shrugged. “Or I’ll—” He paused. “…convince you.”

I clapped my hands. “Wow. So persuasive. I am trembling.”

Mina whistled. “Midoriya’s a natural hostage. He really sells the suicidal teen angst.”

Jiro nodded. “It’s almost like he’s been in that situation before.”

The class all nodded like they had just solved some great mystery.

"Yep, must have a lot," they said in unison.

I rolled my eyes. "I will let you know I was kidnapped just once."

"Eh, once is enough," Sero shrugged. "Some people go their whole lives without getting kidnapped, you know?"

"And some people go their whole lives without being massive disappointments," I shot back. "Yet here we are."

Sero placed a hand on his chest. "Ouch, man. Uncalled for."

"You’ll survive," I said, then turned back to the class. "Alright, are we done with the mid-lesson roasting session, or are we continuing this mess of an English class?"

Present Mic, who had been enjoying the chaos far too much, clapped his hands. "Alright, alright! Back to the scenario! Midoriya’s still the hostage, Bakugo’s still the villain, and Todoroki still needs to figure out how to talk people down instead of freezing them!"

Todoroki gave a slow blink. "That seems inefficient."

"It’s called learning, Todoroki!" Mic shouted. "Now, try again!"

Todoroki sighed, adjusting his stance. "Alright. Villain, release the hostage."

Bakugo scoffed. "Or what?"

Todoroki looked at him. "Or I will freeze your legs and set your arms on fire."

I groaned. "Dude, negotiation, not threats. Try again."

Todoroki thought for a second. "Please release the hostage."

Bakugo leaned back, looking bored. "Nah."

"Wow, convincing," I muttered. "Truly, I feel the sincerity."

Mina snickered. "C’mon, Shoto, put some heart into it!"

Todoroki stared at Bakugo again. "You don’t actually want to hurt him."

Bakugo snorted. "How do you know?"

"Because if you did, you would have done it already."

The class collectively nodded. That was a fair start.

Present Mic threw his hands up. "Alright! Not bad! Getting somewhere! Now, Midoriya, how’s the hostage doing?"

I stretched my legs. "Hostage is bored."

"Unrealistic," Iida interjected. "No hostage would be this calm."

"Yeah, well, I have experience," I shot back. "And trust me, being a hostage gets old fast. The real ones aren’t out here sobbing and begging for their lives. You sit around, wait for shit to go down, and maybe insult your captors if you get too comfortable."

Mina gasped. "Oh my god, you really are a natural hostage!"

"Shut up."

Present Mic grinned. "Alright, villain! You gotta up the stakes! Bakugo, make the situation worse!"

Bakugo’s lip curled. "Tch. Fine." He turned to me, gripping my collar. "Time to die, dumbass."

"Oh no," I said, completely monotone. "I am so afraid."

Mina smacked my arm. "Dude, at least try to act scared!"

I sighed dramatically. "Oh no, the villain is so scary. Somebody help me. Please. I do not wish to perish."

Jiro looked at Mic. "Is this still an English lesson?"

"YES, AND IT’S THE BEST ONE YET!"

Todoroki made another attempt. "Villain, let’s make a deal."

Bakugo glared at him. "What kind of deal?"

"You let the hostage go, and I will—" He paused. "...buy you food."

Bakugo squinted. "What food?"

Todoroki blinked, thinking. "Meat buns."

Bakugo huffed. "Tch. Make it spicy ramen, and I’ll think about it."

"Deal."

The whole class went silent.

Jiro rubbed her temples. "Did we just—did we just negotiate Bakugo into a peaceful resolution with spicy ramen?"

Sero shook his head in disbelief. "I don’t know whether to be impressed or concerned."

"Little bit of both," Kirishima admitted.

Present Mic slammed his hands on the podium. "THAT, CLASS, IS HOW YOU NEGOTIATE IN ENGLISH! GOOD JOB, TODOROKI! GOOD JOB, BAKUGO! AND MIDORIYA—NICE HOSTAGE WORK!"

He turned back, waving a hand. “Just to be safe, Todoroki, don’t try negotiation and leave it to the experts.”

Todoroki blinked. “But I resolved the situation.”

“You bribed him.”

“And it worked.”

“That’s not the point.”

Present Mic clapped. “ALRIGHT, CLASS, THAT WAS A SOLID EXERCISE! LET’S—” He checked the clock. “Oh. Well, uh, class is over. PACK IT UP!”