benjaminkoll

Throwback Thursday to 2005

Added 2021-06-24 17:24:53 +0000 UTC

Hello my dear patrons, to keep celebrating we are 100 for the first time, I’ve decided to share this very special photo set in full, for the first time and in it’s full size. Thank you again for your support.

This set was taken by Angel Pardo I think it was march of 2005. I told you it was special, this is why: until this one, each time I had a photo shoot I did whatever it was necessary to sort of disguise myself in them. Dyed my hair, fasted for a month to loose weight, dressed differently… you name it (if you're curious I could post some of those pics here, let me know). As you already know, I had issues with popularity back then, it made me feel very insecure and frightened. I also had people around me telling me I was ugly fat and all the stuff many bears get when they try to make it on the mainstream entertainment industry. Not that I cared much (for me everything was ok and or bearable if I was able to keep doing music), but that was the scene.

Then came this guy that insisted me to hire him for a photoshoot. He told me he could help me see myself in a new light, that I could just be me and look good, that he had a vision. So this was the first time I had pictures “bear style”. I remember he did the pictures late in the evening one work day, maybe a Tuesday. The guys photo studio was baroque and full of bronze colored stuff, fur, leather stuff here and there, dark but mellow. It was an interesting atmosphere. He was great directing me, he dressed me, even provided the glasses, I was just a mannequin. I think I would have gone further (never had done a nude photo shoot back then) but he didn’t let me. He said it was better to put that desire on the images.

So I was very surprised when I saw them for the first time. It was something I had never imagined it could work, but there it was. And it was the start point of many things (although they somehow predicted my break up with the mainstream later that year). Among them, two of this pics were the first Jose saw of me online. He said he started stalking me since then LOL, until he decided to contact me for the fist time on 2012 on Facebook.

So guys, I will insist once more, if you have trouble accepting yourself, use photography, you’ll be amazed.