Plotting Issues and Critique. Two Diverging Paths.
Added 2025-02-01 16:09:07 +0000 UTCAlright, so I know this is a bit unusual but I just want to level with you all. The pacing, and to some extent the plot, has… definitely taken on a life of its own at this point.
That isn’t to say I don’t have plans, or that I don’t think the pay off would be glorious when we get there, but it’s that “when” that really concerns me. I’ve read your comments, and I agree that another training arc on top of the last… hundred or so, is not great pacing.
In all honesty this whole thing has been happening so fast, I haven’t had much time to step back and look at the bigger picture. More than once I’ve thought about going back, revising here and there, tying up a few loose plot threads, but there’s just been no time.
So! I have a question/proposal for you all.
Also VERY MILD SPOILERS AHEAD, if you care at all, please skip this post.
The way I see it, we’re at a crossroads. There are two main branches of possibility.
#1 Richard continues on as planned, enters the time dilated zone. Finishes his soul seal and explores Shapers Legacy. Things get dire back home. Then he comes back all powered up to save the day.
Or
#2 He appears in the tutorial along with his to go bags, to see things have gone wrong. Scrambles to pick up the pieces from there. Everything to do with the Consortium would stay relevant, might even add an interlude or two to show the wide ranging impacts of his information package, but there would be no crazy power ups, no shapers legacy, just scrappy ingenuity.
Really curious to see what you all think, and, depending on which option you all prefer, the extra chapters might be postponed until Sunday.
Comments
I am curious though. Is this story going to also take place after the tutorial? As you are introducing big players and if they are all just going to congregate on the tutorial. Doesn't that defeat the super easy mode tutorial tag?
Doki
2025-02-07 10:42:52 +0000 UTCDo not take this suggestion.
Alucard Hellsing
2025-02-02 16:30:37 +0000 UTCI'd rather have them learn to fend for themselves with option 1 than have him just rescue them with option 2.
deesuschrist
2025-02-02 14:39:55 +0000 UTCWill more of the baby tutorial be that interesting, though?
deesuschrist
2025-02-02 14:37:11 +0000 UTCI think actions should have consequences, him choosing his own advancement over the children's safety should cost him some of the children's allegiance and maybe some of the supporting women's lives or freedom in the form of binding contracts Richard can't break. There has to be some cost or the thrill is lost and it's just another opmc story. Nothing wrong with those, just not what you seem to have set up to do.
Arnon Parenti
2025-02-02 09:46:44 +0000 UTCYou got it!👍
Baron of Awesome
2025-02-02 04:29:54 +0000 UTCI also said 1, but i wouldnt be unhappy if it was a situation like 2 then 1.... or like someone else suggested and do 1 then 2 but just time skip past 1 and slowly drip feed us what happened during the time skip in new abilities and maybe even flash backs.
Nathaniel Baker
2025-02-02 04:22:39 +0000 UTCAlso how are they bypassing a system enforced safezone? Side note: you haven't made clear how the system ranks on the power scale are gods and or Eldritch begins more or less powerful.
Hut
2025-02-02 03:25:54 +0000 UTCI thought it was odd the system (arbiter) let the bags be delivered to a location where they where no longer present. Unless Richard made a mistake in the wording for the delivery. But it seemed like he was being careful about the money paw effects for the deals we did see him make (ie not making the bundle distracting).
Hut
2025-02-02 03:25:46 +0000 UTCThe girls and kids need to learn to stand on their own
Dominick Ruiz
2025-02-01 21:11:01 +0000 UTCI think he’s really overdue for a power up, and I agree about a time dilation time skip others have mentioned. However I have a really hard time seeing him just being ok to go off and train when the others are in a stalemate without trying to guarantee their situation is more safe/stable. Especially considering how paranoid he’s been about the “guide” so far, and how protective he’s been about the kids
Biz
2025-02-01 19:25:01 +0000 UTCI like this book, but my favorite part of it was when he was rushing to the kids' rescue. It was the emotional payoff that got me. I worry if we do another training arc so soon, we'll just lose any possibility for similar moments for a while.
Nathan Sto
2025-02-01 19:23:03 +0000 UTCRichard has the weight of humanity being wiped out on his soul. While supporting the “babies” is a noble idea, he has to know that he is running against the clock. He already knew they were being monitored and his “packages” is going to bring even more attention. He must prioritize getting as strong as possible and increasing his deeds. I am sure I am in the minority but I think some of the kids should die. There needs to be some weight to what is happening and the upgraded “count” should not be beaten by ingenuity. He literally was blessed by a Void God.
Blacklynx39
2025-02-01 17:41:35 +0000 UTCAuthor really give the illusion of choice here. Introducing an element then not using it, ofc every one would vote the first one
Touch
2025-02-01 17:30:13 +0000 UTCI think you should do the mix of the two: He returns to explain the mysterious bags and that he'll be gone for a while, sees something is very wrong, tries to figure out what happened, helps them and makes sure they don't need him for a while. Then he has a training arc that feels necessary. Alternatively you could also make him go through the training arc without coming back first and completely switch the POV for a couple chapters to show just how bad the situation is. It'll also be a great way to give side characters time to shine, character development and maybe also a power up.
disMixx
2025-02-01 16:51:00 +0000 UTCI think option two would be better for the story. However I voted for option 1 just because of Shaper's Legacy and cool crafting it promises. You can't just introduce a crafting focused mc, give him even more info to learn and then have him fight without said crafting all the time.
CherMi
2025-02-01 16:45:52 +0000 UTCYeah, the story is at a juncture where the reader's omniscience works against them for the enjoyment of the story in some ways. Like dude has no reason to think the stalemate was broken and just sent a bunch of survival supplies to them... but WE know they're in danger. So if he's doing a fully written mini training arc while that's going on, the reader's subconscious is going to be railing against his "leisurely and lackadaisical" use of time. Even if it's important and on brand with his character and knowledge of the situation. Timeskipping the training and coming back to the legacy later helps to subvert the anxiety of the danger not being actively resolved quickly enough.
Hodge Wasson
2025-02-01 16:37:10 +0000 UTCI was just about write this when I noticed someone were faster. :) 1 thing to add: in the time dilated zone Richard should kill a named boss and choose a class before the timeskip. It doesn't make sense that the system's days count would care about such things as time dilation. The achievement should follow the participant's personal time.
Apoca
2025-02-01 16:35:59 +0000 UTCI’m fine with either or, however I know the face slapping super OP MC I have already read that in many different xianxia and regression stories the MC. For your story I really like how you are touching on the MCs emotions and his trauma, with him connecting with the other characters, trusting and loving them, I think it could lead to an interesting story about partnership defeating the big bad, kind of like the trope of the MC and his party defeating the demon king. By him not being super OP from the get it allows him to rely more on his companion and can lead to more dramatic scenes. The reason I bring this up is for 2 reasons, 1. you seem very intent on developing the other characters with the interlude which is wonderful. 2. 90% of the stories in the regression genre I believe are 1st perspective and about a murder hobo face slapping, knows everything MC, who is speed running their second life, yours so far has an actual human MC with real emotions and has interludes with the other characters, so I feel the potential for you to do some interesting stuff with it. Just my take but like I said either option is fine with me I am enjoying the ride!!
Liam Cassilly
2025-02-01 16:35:51 +0000 UTCTiny Empress is Best Empress. That said you should definitely add interlude chapters to address the effects of his info dump. Besides I really want to see a 5yo empress and Richard absolutely wrecking havoc on the bosses once the tutorial is finished. Even if he were to lose a year in a time dilated zone or two he would still only be 6 years old or so by the end of the tutorial... They would barely be kindergartners! That sounds hilarious. The saviors of the world are kindergartn age children.
Aaron Banta
2025-02-01 16:33:00 +0000 UTCCompletely agree with this. I wouldn't want you to change your plans for the MC's progression but at the same time, it's super boring to read this many training arcs in a row. Just do the training off-screen and move on.
Alex K
2025-02-01 16:31:48 +0000 UTCAww, thank you so much! Yeah, I’m definitely easily swayed so I probably needed to hear this, either way, I appreciate your feedback ❤️ Mostly just trying to make sure I wasn’t alienating my readers haha
Bamen Sanders
2025-02-01 16:30:07 +0000 UTCThese are fantastic ideas! Thank you so much for the input, combining them is a really interesting way to go about it, thanks! ❤️
Bamen Sanders
2025-02-01 16:28:44 +0000 UTCComing right up! I’m super excited to write it, lol. Finally introduce all these characters I’ve kept in my back pocket.
Bamen Sanders
2025-02-01 16:26:45 +0000 UTCI'm not an author so I can't speak from first-hand experience, but I've noticed that reader feedback usually negatively impacts story quality when it's given weight. You've got a GREAT story here, trust yourself!
Jason Petry
2025-02-01 16:26:11 +0000 UTCNever! She is precious and shall be protected at all costs! Seriously though, thanks for the feedback, it really helps ❤️
Bamen Sanders
2025-02-01 16:24:58 +0000 UTCBoth - do a time skip past the training arc, and we don't know what powers he's gained, and the ramp up the conflict to 11 one step at a time, with plenty of baby puns, and have him pull 1 ridiculous thing after another, and then the other baby has to save him in the end, and then she can't do anything and the group of mercenaries he hired pop in... Lol I dunno
Sansvoid
2025-02-01 16:24:50 +0000 UTCThis is interesting… okay I’ll definitely be keeping this in mind. Thanks for the feedback ❤️
Bamen Sanders
2025-02-01 16:23:55 +0000 UTCNoted! And thank you so much, I’ll try haha, but I just care so much it’s hard to sometimes. Really appreciate you sharing your feedback ❤️
Bamen Sanders
2025-02-01 16:22:53 +0000 UTCThis makes sense as well, yeah, I’m torn but I will definitely take this into consideration. Trying to find a middle ground between optimal progression and character development. Thanks so much for the feedback ❤️
Bamen Sanders
2025-02-01 16:21:25 +0000 UTCI definitely want to see a interlude or two about the message from the watcher
Bk
2025-02-01 16:21:10 +0000 UTCExactly! I don’t know, I get in my head about this stuff. I just want to make it as enjoyable an experience as possible. Thanks for the feedback ❤️
Bamen Sanders
2025-02-01 16:20:22 +0000 UTCI voted option 1 because it wouldn't make sense for him to suddenly know things went sideways. TBH I don't care as long as nothing happens to the tiny empress.
Aaron Banta
2025-02-01 16:20:15 +0000 UTCThen with that feedback, Option 1 has better prospects (juicy power ups🤑)
YoYoRanger
2025-02-01 16:19:17 +0000 UTCI would say 1, but not actually spending a lot of chapter time in there. Like paragraph long flashbacks as he uses powered up skills, then back to the action of the tutorial. Maybe an interlude of the shaper's legacy after the immediate danger is dealt with.
Hodge Wasson
2025-02-01 16:18:43 +0000 UTCMakes sense haha, me too honestly. Thanks for the feedback 🙏 ❤️
Bamen Sanders
2025-02-01 16:18:28 +0000 UTCThank you so much for the feedback ❤️
Bamen Sanders
2025-02-01 16:17:50 +0000 UTCNot at all saying I disagree, though, in the case of option one, I would also be showing the struggles of the girls periodically, and how they learn and develop against poor odds without their protector (Richard) there to save them. What you’re proposing true in both instances basically. Again, not disagreeing, just thought I’d give some extra context. Thank you so much for the feedback!
Bamen Sanders
2025-02-01 16:17:25 +0000 UTCThe whole premise of the story is that Richard comes back with all his knowledge specifically to become super powerful and make wide-ranging changes to the timeline, right?
Jason Petry
2025-02-01 16:17:04 +0000 UTCYour regularly scheduled programme, but would also be interested in seeing those interludes about how much his information packets have impacted the tutorial. Also the story continues to be great so thank you for the chapters and try to stress less!
Hollowlce
2025-02-01 16:16:53 +0000 UTCI've been enjoying the pacing, and feel like the "training montages" have been a lot more entertaining than the standard worldbuilding/ "here's how the system works" exposition.
Jason Petry
2025-02-01 16:15:24 +0000 UTCKinda feel like it is off brand for his character development right now to just abandon the situation in the tutorial. Thought he would buy some high grade talisman paper or high grade talismans to make/use with the points. Even with time dilation, the situation was not exactly good and it would make more sense imo for him to finish the pending stuff rather than cutting it too close.
Thejasvi Prahlad
2025-02-01 16:14:59 +0000 UTCOption 2 has much more thrill and character development, considering that the other Baby Mode participants have to fend for themselves, allowing characters to be fleshed out and actually risking something.
YoYoRanger
2025-02-01 16:12:17 +0000 UTCI just wanna see more of the actual tutorial, not him sidestepping the whole thing!
Epeen
2025-02-01 16:11:35 +0000 UTCEverything is good even tho there no big action just yet
Bk
2025-02-01 16:11:32 +0000 UTC
