Twitter Suspension

Hey guys. My twitter just recently got suspended. I'm not 100% certain why but I suspect it's because Lilo was in my last nsfw drawing. I sent an appeal and hope it sorts itself out in a week. If not, I'll try deleting the tweet and seeing what happens then. 

I feel like I'm constantly either being disappointed or letting you guys down. It just feels like I never know where to put my time and effort. I try so hard to make things perfect when they don't need to be. I'm so afraid of letting people down that I end up getting in my own way. I try so hard to make the patreon sketches detailed and crisp so I have more art to post when they're just supposed to be a fun bonus. (Instead of discontinuing sketch tier, I'll just dial back on em.) It's so hard to finish anything because it's never good enough. I can't help but get frustrated when seemingly random things I do catch on instead of the pieces I invested so much into. I just can't accept that I'm not making art, I'm making content. I feel like it cheapens what I do. But I'm making fetish art online so it's not like I'm some high class artist anyway. I just don't think I'm fit for social media. I'm just not a quantity over quality artist but I'm kinda forced to be that way to grow. Unless I suddenly become Michaelangelo.

I can't help but tear up writing this. And I'm mad that this is spurred on by fucking X.com. It's not the end of the world. I'll get my account back eventually. But just the notion that everything I've worked for for years can just be taken away without reason or warning is scary. The world will move on and I'll just be forgotten in a week. It's both humbling and depressing. I know that at least within a few people, most likely you reading this, I'll live on. But I'll still be erased in the grand scheme of it. 

Most probably haven't noticed because I'm not very open or expressive online but I just don't have the same passion for this stuff that I used to. Constantly comparing myself to others and doing the same kinds of drawings over and over has just left me feeling hollow. Nothing excites me anymore. It's the only reason I feel compelled to make comics even though I dread them because of how difficult they are to make. Having a story to go along with the nudity just makes it so much less soul sucking. It adds purpose and feels like it's actually going somewhere or trying to say something. I love making art that people enjoy but I don't feel very proud of what I create.

I'll continue doing sketches for $10 patrons this week. But for now, I'm going to work. Yay...Thanks for reading if you did. I have no one else to rant to.

Tl;dr I hate social media.