All for Nona - Chapter 3

All for Nona

3. All Sizes Fit One

Jaylen stood with one hand in front of his Johnson and the other on the locked door handle. As nervous as he was about his public nudity he was even more worried about his missing girlfriend. One step forward made him forget about both. Instead of the high end apartment building hallway he expected he was on a balcony twenty feet above the marbled floor of a grand foyer, wrapped by two gold-railed staircases. An enormous crystal chandelier hung directly in front of him, sparkling like a multi-million dollar galaxy. Beyond that, the nude invader could see the night sky through a circular paneled window the size of a jeep.

Immediately his brain tried to convince itself that he was not insane.

“Okay…,” said Jaylen, “obviously Nona lives above an incredibly wealthy and eccentric person that purchased both the floors beneath her and remodeled them to look like a mansion.”

He smacked his lips together as though he was tasting the idea. It seemed a little bitter, but not entirely inedible. He decided to chew on it for another minute.

“Yeah, maybe her weird rich neighbor put those holes in her closet, too!” he said, adding a little spice for his brain to savor.

“Maybe that foyer is just a false front and there’s an elevator or something on the other side,” he said as he happily swallowed the last bits of his own story.

Jaylen stood up straight and headed right down one of the staircases, deciding to go out the (probably) mock front door so he could return to Nona’s apartment, put on some pants, and start his search anew.

Then his brain vomited.

When he got halfway down the stairs he saw a maid dusting a penis sculpture in the foyer. The maid wore a purple, full-body latex suit that hung just a little too loosely to be called skin tight. Also, the maid was a six-and-a-half foot tall, lanky limbed man. In fact, the only reason that Jaylen decided to think of him as a maid is because he held a feather duster – and he wore a black maid’s bonnet trimmed in white lace. The rest of his attire was solid purple plastic.

Instinctively (after he finished puking away the idea that anything about this situation was normal) he trotted back up the stairs to stay out of sight. Crouched behind the top of the railings he continued watching the maid, who finished tidying before disappearing into the house again. Jaylen waited a moment and started back down the stairs, only to be startled by a voice that had him around again in panic.

“Just see that you give them to her before she dresses!” the voice said. It was a high, strangely accented man’s voice.

“I don’t mind a late night delivery for such an important customer, but you’d better be sure she’s got them!” the man said as Jaylen watched him approach the front door. Another lanky purple latex man followed him. The butler, thought Jaylen, because this one wore a bowtie and opened the door for his guest, who was fat, bald, and bearded. While waiting for the foyer to empty Jaylen realized he was still carrying the blow pop that he took from the “apartment.” He shrugged, pulled off the wrapper and popped the candy into his mouth, hoping it might wash out the lingering taste of rejected self-delusion.

To his delight, the lollipop was tastier than anything he could remember. He swirled it around with his tongue, sucked it, and pulled it out with a satisfying smack. He admired it for a moment before realizing that the room below was quiet and free of lanky spandex house servants. Returning the delicious lollipop to his mouth, he decided to make another go for the door. This time he tread slowly down the stairs, looking everywhere for more surprises. As he stretched his long legs down each step his heavy scrotum and penis swayed and slapped against his thighs. Strangely, freely dangling was less distracting to him than the breeze on his bare butt. Without much thought he rubbed one cheek while sneaking to the lower level.

With only a few feet between himself and the door, Jaylen glanced back at the sculpture that the maid was cleaning. It was a bronze phallus, at least two feet tall, standing on a marble pillar in the middle of the foyer. The naked art admirer felt on odd sensation as he studied the giant penis. He felt oddly drawn to it, and took a half step in its direction. While distracted by the phallic art the lollipop in his mouth began to get brittle. Reflexively, he cracked the candy shell with his teeth, exposing sweet gum inside. He began to chew while intently studying the big brown metal cock. One hand still rubbed his butt cheek, and now it began to squeeze his tight flesh. Suddenly, all his senses were overloaded; he tasted and smelled only the sweet bubblegum, he felt only his hand on his own ass, he saw only the big, mesmerizing metal dong, he heard–

“— get you out of here, now!” said the accented voice.

Jaylen was vaguely aware of being pulled away, and of the cool night air on his bare skin, then only a blur.  It was not until he felt fingers in his mouth roughly yanking out his gum that he became aware of his surroundings again.

“Whuh-? Wha-? Wu?” said Jaylen.

“You are in my truck, you were drugged, and I am Ugh,” said the man sitting in the driver’s seat beside him. “And although I am fluent in Nonsense, is there another language you can speak?”

His new surroundings came painfully into view as Jaylen tried to make sense of what was happening. He was in the passenger seat of a box truck. The fat, bearded man from the foyer drove next to him. It was night. and outside Jaylen saw what looked like a country road, but the sky above was filled with more stars than he had ever seen – and they were every color of the rainbow!

“Am I high?” Jaylen asked.

“Did you wish to be lower?” the fat man asked.

“I mean, the drugs,” said Jaylen, “the sky looks…incredible!”

“Ah, yes, it’s a Saturday,” the fat man said. “You should see Friday! They are my favorites!”

Jaylen looked perplexedly at the man. Strange conversation aside, the man was unusual. He was bald and fat, and even though his black beard was graying and he had wrinkles along his eyes, he moved quickly, like a younger man. He wore a bright yellow vest with green sequined circles over a brown sleeveless shirt. His baggy pants were bright blue and on his feet, which tapped on the truck pedals like an Irish dancer’s, he wore pointed, curly-toed clogs. His accent was distinct, yet unplaceable, and his skin was light brown but his features were equally non-specific.

As he continued to take in the features of his driver, Jaylen’s mind began to wander again. Something tickled his tongue and he remembered the blow pop. Other thoughts drifted across his mindscape, vague images of other tasty treats, like ice pops, or fudgesicles, or big, warm, churros. For some reason, Jaylen looked more closely at his driver’s brightly colored pants. Was there something tasty right there, between his legs? Something told him that a special treat might be hidden there. He began to lean over to get a better look.

“Ohhkay! That’s far enough, I think!” said Ugh. He pulled the truck over to the side of the road and pushed Jaylen back to his seat.

“Huh? What’re we doing?” said Jaylen.

“Well, I am parking. You might want to look at your hands,” said the fat man.

Jaylen looked. His hands were firmly holding his fully erect dick, and slowly pumping up and down.

“Uh, oh! Uh, this isn’t what it looks like!” he said.

“No, of course not,” said Ugh. “It looks like you are jerking off your very respectable-sized penis while sitting in my passenger seat and imagining what my own penis might look like. But that can’t be true.”

“No! No, it’s not!” said Jaylen.

“Yes, I know,” said Ugh, “because you already saw my penis when I was helping you to my car. You pulled down my pants and nearly got a hold of it, but I was much too fast! So you already got a good look and have nothing to wonder about.”

“I what?” said Jaylen. “I don’t remember that!”

“By the way, could you stop masturbating?” the fat man said. “I don’t like food or ejaculate in my truck.”

Jaylen looked back at his hands, which were still jerking his dick with all their might.

“Oh! Uh, yeah, sorry!” he said.

He pulled his hands away from his cock and sat on them to make sure they behaved themselves. His face reddened as confusion and humility overwhelmed him.

“Young man,” said Ugh, “no need to worry. As I said, you were drugged. Ms. Royal’s blow pops have that effect. First you think of dicks, then, when you chew the gum, you start to lust for them, and then when you swallow the gum you become a hopeless cocksucker.”

“You what?! B-but, I didn’t swallow it!” said Jaylen. “And I’m not gay, man! I like women! I love my girlfriend! Why would a drug make me want to suck a delicious cock?”

Jaylen pulled his hands free and slapped them over his mouth, mortified by what his last comment.

“Gay, straight, it does not matter,” said Ugh. “You swallow the gum, you want to swallow dicks, it’s that simple.”

“But I didn’t swallow,” said Jaylen through his hands.

“Well, not quite,” said the fat man. “I pulled it out as you were trying to.”

Jaylen put his hands down to cover his now softening cock. He looked at them sternly as he talked, making sure they did not misbehave.

“Thanks for that, um, what’s your name again?”

“Ugh. Ugh, the shoemaker.”

“Well, thanks, Ugh, I’m Jaylen,” said Jaylen. “You might have saved my life.”

“You are welcome, young Jaylen!” said Ugh. “But I’m sure you would have lived either way. However, if Ms. Royal caught you, well, you might not be happy with what happened next.”

“Yeah, tell me about it,” said Jaylen. “I could do without a rap sheet.”

He licked his lips and found himself glancing at Ugh’s crotch again.

“Um, hey, man, how much longer until this drug wears off?”

“Wears off?” said Ugh. “Oh, it doesn’t wear off. Just be thankful you didn’t blow a bubble!”

Jaylen’s mouth opened, but no words came out.

“Now, come to the back of the truck,” said Ugh. “I might have something you can put on.”

Jaylen’s bare ass cheeks slid off the leather seat with a rude sound as he exited the truck. Outside, he looked up at the rainbow-starred sky. It seemed to be getting lighter now and the world slowly became more visible. Jaylen realized they weren’t in the countryside at all. Along the road behind them there were huge mansions with unearthly architecture that were partly hidden behind walls and iron fences. It reminded him of a star tour in Hollywood.

In the direction they were driving Jaylen could see a bright strip of neon lit shops and bars which got taller and more extravagant the further away they went. In the distance rose tall, shining towers. All the buildings were different, with designs from every country and time period, but the one detail they shared was light – they were each glowing with so many bright, gaudy lights that Las Vegas seemed mundane by comparison.

In contrast, the parking lot he stood in was only partly lit. A blinking neon sign above them advertised an all-night lingerie boutique. Jaylen could not imagine why anyone would need new lingerie at 4 o’clock in the morning. Then, he imagined a little more, and he started to come up with some ideas. Then the hand covering his penis felt it twitch, so he shook away those ideas.

When Jaylen got to the back of the truck the doors were already open and the old fat man was inside the rummaging through rows of small drawers. He talked to himself as he opened, then shut, one shoebox-sized drawer after another. Finally he pulled out a long, fluffy item that was much too big for the space it came from.

“Here!” said Ugh, “Put this on. One of my customers forgot this after an emergency fitting. I saved it for…personal reasons.”

The fat man handed the clothing to Jaylen, who held it up and unfolded it. It was a woman’s yellow silk robe, trimmed with soft, wispy white fluff. He could picture a sexy MILF wearing something like it. The thought did not encourage him to try it on. He wrapped it around his waist, wondering if it might serve as a towel, but then, remembering the last towel he wore, he reluctantly reconsidered and put it on the correct way.

“Uh, hey, little problem, Ugh,” he said pointing to his crotch. The fluffy white trim did not reach down far enough to hide the mushroom head of his hanging dick.

“I guess you don’t have pants I can borrow?” Jaylen asked.

“Pants?” said Ugh. “That would look ridiculous!  I have something better!”

The old man sat with his legs dangling over the rear bumper of his truck. He held a pair of small, silvery blue high heels.

“Um, yeah, are we giving that to Cinderella?” said Jaylen.

“No, the only balls we are attending are yours! Try them on!”

“What, how?” said Jaylen. “And why?”

“Do not worry!” said Ugh. “They will fit fine. That is the Ugh Motto: All Sizes Fit One!”

“What’s that even mean?” said Jaylen. And, again, why would I wear those?”

“You need shoes!”

“Okay, but don’t you have something for men?” asked Jaylen.

“No,” said Ugh. “I sell women’s shoes.”

“Well, don’t you have something that isn’t a heel?” said Jaylen. “Flip flops or sneakers or something? I mean, even if it fit I’d look like a six-foot-six drag queen. And an ugly one at that.”

“You worry, too much,” said the fat man. “Here, try it on.”

Jaylen gave Ugh a suspicious look, but he took the shoes. They looked fragile and tiny in his big hands. He leaned against the truck with one arm while he put the little shoe in front of his size thirteen foot. He chuckled at the impossibility of getting such a dainty thing around even a few toes.

“Go on!” urged Ugh.

To prove how silly it was, Jaylen touched the shoe to his big toe. To his amazement, the shoe began to fit. He slipped it on, further and further, and gasped in surprise when it got all the way to his heel without the least effort. After closing the clasp he kneeled down to try on the other one, with the same amazing results. Ugh hopped off the back of the truck to offer the young man a hand to stand up. Jaylen felt embarrassed to take the hand of another man while wearing high heels, but he knew he would probably fall without help.

When he finished standing the mostly, covered young man brushed off his knees and tied the yellow robe around his waist. The shoes felt comfortable, even if it was not easy to balance in them. As he looked down to admire the shiny little heels, Jaylen realized that the robe now hid his impressive penis.

“Hey, look at that!” he said.  “I might be in drag, but at least I’m decent! Thanks, man.”

Jaylen smiled at Ugh. Then a wave of confusion washed over him. He looked at the shoes, then back to Ugh, and then stretched his back straight, as though trying to reach something.  He looked the old, fat man in his eyes. A moment ago the six-foot-two inch tall young man was fairly towering over his new friend. Now, standing in four inch heels, as straight as possible, he was looking eye-to-eye at the old shoemaker.

“What the hell is going on?!” he yelled.

“All sizes fit one!” said Ugh. “That was a size four. Now you fit, from top to bottom!”