I Want To Be a Girl: Pt1

My name is Erick Hoftner, I’m a twenty-one year old male, and I have a secret I’ve never told anyone. For as long as I can remember I’ve always been jealous of women, and I’m not really sure why. I’m not even sure what it is about them I’m jealous of, perhaps it's everything about them. I often found myself fantasizing about magically turning into a woman, always coming up with unrealistic reasons like a genie wish for why I transformed.

Only to end up snapping back into reality and being slightly disappointed. I truly don’t know why I’m like this but I kinda figured everyone had thoughts like that every once in a while, so I continued to ignore it. One day my two best friends Rem and Sarah decided to have a sort of sleepover at Sarah’s apartment and drink the night away. The three of us have been inseparable since we met as kids in elementary school.

They did mention it would be a bit of a girly type sleepover, but they knew girly things didn’t bother me, unlike some of those macho men types they know. So they said I could join, at the very least I can drink and have some fun. I had no reason to decline, so I asked if there was anything I should bring, like more alcohol or even if they like me to make some sort of food. Sarah said she has more alcohol than the three of us could drink and that they planned to order pizza.

Once the bubble popped us saying Rem read the message you could almost tell she was smashing her phone in trying to type something. Of course she wanted me to make something, she wanted me to bake my special triple chocolate brownies. She mentioned two pans should be enough, one for her and one for me and Sarah. Sarah started scolding her in their playful way and I reacted with a laughing emoji and headed to the store to pick up the ingredients.

I go to the store, pick out everything I need, head back home and fire up the oven. While it preheated I mixed all the ingredients together and poured them into my non-stick baking dish, and let them cook for forty minutes. I pulled them out, checked them with a toothpick to make sure they were fully cooked and wrapped them up in tupperware. Then it was off to Sarah's apartment to take apart in a girls night I guess.

So I got there and the two of them had their whole lives filled with stuff, from makeup to dresses and magazines with men on them. I looked around and asked if they really wanted me here with them tonight. They convinced me it was alright, they guaranteed I’d have a night I’d never expect and then Rem stole the tupperware filled with brownies and ran away like a little goblin, even sorta making goblin noises.

Sarah put her hand on her face and jokingly said, that girl worries her sometimes. Then she poured me a shot and gave me a beer. I happily took it and went to sit on the couch. Sarah went over to Rem basically hiding in the corner and wrestled the brownies from her. She bopped her nose and said she could have more after dinner. Sarah grabbed her cell phone and opened her local pizza shops online site. She made her pizza and added it, then passed the phone to Rem, then it was my turn.

I added my favorite pizza to the order then passed it back to Sarah, who then put the order through. Then she poured me another shot and gave me another beer. It seemed like she planned to drink hard tonight. Sarah asked me to pick some music out and play it on her stereo, while I was doing this Sarah sat on the floor and Rem sat on the floor in front of her. Sarah began to brush out Rem’s hair and get all the knots out.

I picked some music and went to sit on a chair across from them but Sarah insisted I sit next to her. She then started making me grab things she needed to do Rem’s hair, and explaining to me in detail what she was doing with each step. After about ten minutes, Rem’s hair was now actually cute and not a mess for a change. Rem got off the floor and Sarah took her place. I thought Rem was going to take her place, but Sarah insisted I try it.

All I had to do was what she showed me, and Rem would help out and guide me if need be. Of course I Rem went along with this, it was probably so she could sneak more brownies, but I have to admit it looked kinda fun. So I slowly did what I remembered, and Rem stopped me before I made any mistakes. It did take me a bit longer to finish, it took about twenty minutes. Sarah got up and checked it out in the mirror.

She said it was a bit messy, but it was an amazing first try. I think I got a bit embarrassed because she made a joke about me turning red. Luckily there was a knock at the door, which quickly changed the subject. The pizza was finally here. Sarah grabbed it and tipped the delivery driver and plopped the pizzas on the table. She grabbed us each a plate and opened all three boxes. Then she grabbed a slice from each.

I was a little confused, Rem then explained it was something they did. They always took one piece from each other's pizza and placed them on top of each other. It was their weird way of celebrating their friendship, and I had to do it since I was now a part of it. They did talk a little trash about my pineapple pizza but in the end we all agreed pizza is pizza and it’s all good. So we shared our together pizza and had another round of shots, or was it two? I lost track at that point.

Then The two grabbed my arms and walked me over to the couch, then they sat me on the floor, handing me another beer and telling me to sit still. I was a bit tipsy at this point so I didn’t put up an ounce of resistance when they started working on my hair. My hair was quite long, but it was more of a mess than Rem’s, so that caused it to take them a long time to just brush out. Of course Sarah scolded me for it, much like she does so often to Rem.

I think a half hour passed before they finished. I asked to check it out but they insisted they had more that needed to be done before I could check it out. Then Rem pulled out a huge box filled with different types of makeup. They poured me another shot and gave me another beer. Then they went to work on my face, It looks like it’s going to be a wild night. I’d swear those two were up to something, but I’m a bit drunk and can’t think about it right now.