My Story Of Being Trans: Pt1 (TG-Empress)

Chaos's 1st commission for March 2024

This world can be really harsh to those who are different. It can be a reason as simple as a difference in opinion, or as complicated as gender identity can be. Hatred and violence can breed from those things, but more so in the case of being transgender.

I was born into this world as a male, and I was forced to accept that. I was never allowed to play with girl toys or anything even slightly feminine growing up, despite wanting to. Because of that, I felt like I had to hide who I truly was.

That led to me becoming isolated and feeling alone all the time. I stayed to myself and never made friends because I always felt as though I was lying to everyone about who I was. I hated it, I wanted friends, but I didn’t want them to know the mask I wore, I wanted them to know me.

I thought that would never happen, but then I met Tomari. She quickly forced her way into my life and became my friend, despite my worries. For some reason, it was like she saw right through me and knew the secret of my soul.

She would often ask me to let her practice sterling hair on me, and then that led to her doing makeup and nails, and eventually, she was dressing me up in her clothes. The days when I got to go to her house and dress up in her clothes were some of the best days of my life.

After a couple of years when were were about seventeen, we found our way into the world of the LGBT+. Turned out there were a ton of people who like me, felt as though they were born into the wrong body.

I quickly learned that I was trans. I was a transgender female, and it turned out there was nothing wrong with that. Well, at least there shouldn’t. I quickly learned how cruel the world could be towards trans people.

There were so many evil people who would attack trans people for no reason, not just verbally but physically as well. Some members of the government would refer to us as awful things like demons and even groomers, despite it not even being close to true.

There were even a ton of laws that targeted us. We weren't allowed to use the bathrooms that matched our gender identity. Some places heavily control treatments for trans people trying to transition. Some states even want to bring back conversion therapy.

Despite all the hate in the world, and how scared I was. I knew I couldn’t live my life pretending, so with Tomari’s suppose I decided to come out to the world, starting with my parents. I didn’t want to overwhelm them, so I went to them dressed like normal and sat down with them.

I came clean about everything how I felt, and how I planned to start dressing and living as a girl. My father didn’t take it well and left the room after saying a lot of horrible things, and my mother seemed upset but didn’t really say anything in response.

I was so upset and crying in my room, and Tomari offered to let me come and stay at her place for a while. So I packed anything important and left with her. In the following days, I started to let Tomari dress me up before we went to school.

I quickly learned that my classmates were also not very accepting. I started to get bullied every day, and Tomari tried to stop them, but it only led to the girls bullying her for hanging out with a freak boy who wore dresses.

Each day was shard and it became harder and harder, especially as the teachers and principals got involved. They tried to get me to stop wearing the dresses. I nearly gave in just to stop getting bullied and yelled at but Tomari would speak up every time and tell them I was a girl and it was okay.

The school tried to contact my parents to make them do something about it, but they told the principal while on speakerphone that they wanted nothing to do with me. They said they already tossed the rest of my stuff out and I wasn’t welcome back to their home.

They hung up and my face fell into my hands as I started to cry. Tomari rubbed my back and tried to talk to the principal. She tried to ask what I could do. The principal said there were some great therapists who could help me fix my identity problem and go back to being a normal guy.

Tomari started to flip out on the principle calling him a piece of shit. I couldn’t handle it and ran out of his office and down the hall. That’s when I was grabbed by one of my bullies and brought into the guy's locker room.

They tossed me into the shower and sprayed me down with cold water. That caused all my makeup to become runny and spread across my face. Then they started to kick me while I was on the shower floor.

I took the fetal position to protect my face and other important parts, but they didn’t care where they kicked me as long as they were kicking me. I’m not sure how much time passed, as they kicked my arms, legs back, and head, but it only stopped when the gym couch came in.

He told them all to stop and when he saw it was me, he told them to scram before they got in trouble. Then he tossed me some male clothes and told me he hoped this helped toughen up, and then he left.

My body was screaming with pain, but I managed to get myself up. A good portion of my body was blue from bruising and I was pretty sure both my arms were broken or fractured, and one of my legs was definitely broken.

I couldn't see it, but I was sure my entire back was black and blue. My head was spinning and my heart was racing. I remember thinking that I should be mad or scared, but I wasn’t. I didn’t feel anything, because at that moment I was done.

I put on a pair of gym shorts and a shirt and slowly limped out of the locker room. Most of the kids were laughing as I went by. I made my way to the stairs and climbed all the way to the top until I was out on the school roof.

I made my way to the railing and hopped over it. I was now standing on the edge holding the railing. My vision was blurry and the world felt as if it was spinning. I just wanted it to all be over, I didn’t want to suffer or be treated so poorly because of who I was.

So I let go and leaned forward. I was expecting to fall off the building, but in that second I felt something wrap around me and hold me tightly. Following that was someone screaming at me to stop, and my back getting slightly wet.

I turned my head around and saw Tomari. Her arms were wrapped around my waist, her legs wrapped around the post of the railing, and her face was dug into my back as she struggled to stop me and pull me up.

Seeing her and hearing her was enough to drive my senses back. I quickly grabbed the railing pulled myself back over and fell onto the the roof. I started to cry and apologized to her and she knelt next to me and asked me what I was thinking.

I unfortunately didn’t get the chance to tell her as everything had caught up to me and I passed out. When I woke up I was in a hospital with Tomari and her parents asleep next to me on chairs. I had several casts on and bandages around my torso and head.

I couldn't help but feel relieved. I mean I was still alive, and I’m really thankful for that. If Tomari wasn’t there I would have definitely done something I’d regret. I know I don’t want to die, I just want to be accepted.

A few minutes later Tomari woke up and came over to my hospital bed and laid next to me. I once again apologized to her, and she told me not to apologize. None of this was my fault, it was all those dumb people who couldn't mind their own business.

I began to cry and Tomari took my head and rested on her shoulder and told me everything was going to be alright. Tomari and her parents had been taking care of things while I was unconscious. I managed to ask her what she was talking about through my tears.

She told me her parents had talked to a lawyer. They’re in the process of suing my parents and the school for everything that happened. They weren't positive about the outcome yet, but they did manage to get the okay for me to live with them.

So I’ll be living with Tomari from now on, at least on the condition I go to therapy, which honestly I think might be nice. Having someone to talk to, especially about my gender identity might be really helpless.

I spent a little while longer crying into Tomari’s shoulder and thanking her for everything while she rubbed my head. After that, I was discharged from the hospital and brought to Tomari’s house, where she wasted no time in helping me get into another dress. I know I have a long tough road ahead of me, but I now know without a doubt who I am, and I won’t try to throw that away again.