A Means For Resting (Commission for Axel1)

TAGS: F/F, Growth/Expansion, Muscle/Muscle Growth, Amazon TF

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Rumours were one thing, but when Bryn began suspecting things were genuinely getting out of hand, she had to do something about it. People had been discussing it behind their back, mostly because no one wanted to actually take responsibility or initiative, but for the longest while, Bryn figured that the idle gossip was just that: idle gossip. It certainly didn’t reflect reality in any meaningful way, nor could it given how exaggerated the tales were. Despite this, the amazon would be forced to confront the harsh reality that, perhaps, what she was hearing about her friend Valeri wasn’t that far removed from what was actually happening; while they certainly weren’t kicking buildings down or uprooting an entire park’s worth of trees, a cursory exchange of information with a select few individuals was enough to let Bryn know that something was definitely wrong with the way Valeri was handling her transformations. As a friend, and someone who considered herself a good friend, this stung two-fold: first, that Valeri hadn’t confided in her, and second, that she herself hadn’t done more to try and help someone who was clearly too embarrassed to ask for any help to begin with. It couldn’t be easy for Valeri to be “blessed” with the kind of power that she was either; the young woman was already enormous by most people’s standards, courtesy of both her genetic heritage and the ungodly amount of exercise she put in on a weekly basis at the gym where the two of them met, so for her body to then expand on this immense baseline was… difficult. Difficult because it made it all-but impossible for her not to destroy things around her unless she spent most of her mental resources pulling her punches, difficult because it made thinking about anything in particular that much harder; hormone storms weren’t exactly the best place to be in should one want to make reasonable decisions, especially when one wasn’t ready for them. Bryn herself was depressingly familiar with this reality, having a transformative issue of her own; hence why she figured that, above anyone else, she would be the most well-suited to help Valeri through what had to be one of the hardest periods of her life. Granted, getting the other gal to actually admit that there was a problem was a chore in and of its own; as Bryn expected, her friend wasn’t about to just say that she needed help, not when doing so would require opening herself up to potential disappointment. Again, a sad state of affairs that Bryn was all-too familiar with, and one she insisted on battling against regardless; it was important, now more than ever, that Valeri know that there was someone out there who they could trust, someone who would stand by her regardless of what happened, no matter how many times they hulked out or how much damage they did to their surroundings. It took several attempts, and even then it fell down to Bryn practically ambushing Valeri in the showers, blocking her exit and demanding to know what was happening that left her so nervous; by that point, the other amazon wasn’t even bothering to hide it, and stories of what had happened when she lost control in public had become commonplace amongst the gym-goers. The only reason charges hadn’t already been pressed by a half-dozen or so people was precisely because the transformations weren’t deliberate; Valeri was safe from being prosecuted in so far as it was clear she had no real control over her changes, though even this had its limits. One could not expect a shifter like them or Bryn to be at the mercy of their own biology, and it was required of folks like them to learn how to control their impulses just enough that they could consciously control their ability to transform. In Bryn’s case, it was simple enough in that, as long as she wasn’t exposed to the light of the full moon, there was nothing to worry about; whenever she turned into her bestial form outside that one special time of the month, it was by default fully controllable, with her keeping her human mind perfectly intact. Valeri, however… was not so lucky. From what Bryn had been able to ascertain, the changes that had taken place had been unexpected, brief, but highly destructure, with Valeri seeming to hulk out without any explanation before going on a short rampage and then eventually calming down, returning to her human form. So far, none of the people involved with her knew what the root cause of it was: not the police, certainly not her physicians, not even Valeri herself. This left an opening that Bryn could exploit, for lack of a better word, an opening she could go through and offer her expert opinion on. There would be, however, no scientific methods, rigorously studied and determined, to be employed there; no, Bryn was doing this as Valeri’s friend, and as their friend, it was their duty to do their utmost to help them in whatever they needed. She made sure to make this as clear as possible when the two had a heart-to-heart in the showers, at the end of which they were in one another’s arms, bawling their eyes out and declaring how much they cared for one another. Valeri didn’t go so far as to explain the reason for her unfortunate incidents, but she did accept an invitation to stay at Bryn’s place for a few days, something the werewolfess figured should be enough of a springboard to let her find out what the real issues were. It couldn’t be that the accidental hulking-outs just happened, there had to be a reason for it; hormonal imbalance along wasn’t enough to trigger a transformation, there was almost always something specific that happened that led to it taking place. For herself, it used to be more than just the full moon; Bryn distinctly remembered a time when just feeling pissed off enough was all she needed to start growing bigger and furrier all over, and it took a significant amount of introspection and meditation for that to stop. It made her a better person because of it, and looking back, she could tell her “new” her was someone she liked far more than she did her older, more “rebellious” self, who was little more than a loudmouth who happened to be big enough to back up their blustering. But Valeri… she wasn’t like that. She was a sweetheart, and Bryn knew she wouldn’t hurt a damned fly even if it killed her; the same couldn’t be said for her altered state, but then again, the same could be said for everyone’s altered state if they didn’t have the training needed to keep it under control. So, when she got home that day, Bryn spent some time proofing her house against what might very well be a destructive series of growth spurts; she didn’t want them to happen, and some small part of her wanted to believe they wouldn’t, but not taking precautions would be beyond ridiculous at that stage. Corners had to be ground down into rounded edges, cutting implements had to be locked away, and the second door on the right in the first floor landing was bolted shut and reinforced with a few additional planks for good measure; those were expensive toys, and Bryn would rather tell a white lie about it being “under renovation” than risk losing several thousand dollars’ worth of high-grade materials during a rampage. It took a long while, enough so that she wasn’t even done by the time Valeri came knocking at her front door; the werewolfess had to make do with the assumption that her friend would just decide not to check the attic, because goodness were there a lot of unmarked boxes in there that might have stuff she needed. Sweating, exhausted, but with a smile on her face about as wide as it physically could be, Bryn bounded down the stairs to welcome her friend in, being faced with a very surprised-looking Valeri, whose first words out of their mouth were asking her how she could afford a place like that. It was unimportant, the hostess insisted, at least next to their “gals’ night” that she had absolutely, totally planned and not just improvised on the spot; they were not to engage in impromptu therapy, but to just hang out, and if at any point Valeri decided to do anything else, then Bryn certainly wasn’t going to say no. And, for a while, things progressed exactly like any regular visit would, albeit with significantly more creaking of springs on account of couches just not being built for people like those two; it was a combination of hard work and nature’s blessing, sure, but that didn’t suddenly make steel more resistant, or the upholstery more welcome of two amazons whose bodies were honed to the point of perfection and beyond. Ultimately, this was what puzzled Bryn above all else: Valeri was just like herself, in that they clearly had the patience to take a natural advantage and then work on it until what they had was mostly the fruits of their own labor. They would’ve been able to be of above-average size and strength even without any extra working out, but the fact that they went out of their way to exercise regularly and sharpen their competitive edge further had granted them a body that most people could only dream of. Clearly, this meant Valeri had the discipline, the self-control, and the determination to… well, do just that; it made it surprising, and somewhat bizarre, that they would then develop a crippling inability to control themselves for no apparent reason, and despite her insistence that she didn’t want to dig any further than Valeri allowed, Bryn couldn’t just let go of it. Not just for everyone else’s sake, but for her friend’s as well; this unfortunate situation was very clearly taking a toll on Valeri, seeing as they, sitting on the couch and watching a bad movie, were far more relaxed then than at any point Bryn had seen them in the past few months. A weight had been taken off their shoulders, at least temporarily, but would very likely be placed right back onto it the moment Valeri stepped out of the house or left in a few days’ time; perhaps the two could steal some peace out of the cosmos when they were still there with one another, but apart from that, it was anyone’s guess. Nevertheless, the best way around this was to just do nothing. Paradoxical as it may seem, Bryn knew Valeri better than anyone, enough to know that if she did poke and prod, she would only lock the box harder in the process; the simplest way of getting her friend to open up and be honest about things was to simply provide an environment in which they felt like they were safe in opening up, and part of this involved respecting boundaries and letting the other side take their time. Thus, the werewolfess took the opportunity to treat the “gals’ night out” with about the exact degree of seriousness it deserved: none. It was a chance for her to unwind as well, for the two amazons to forget about the humdrum monotony of the daily grind and just have some fun: watch a shitty movie, play some games, engage in some deliciously scandalous gossip, the works. It didn’t matter what happened, so long as they enjoyed themselves; it was just that, in the process, it became clearer and clearer that Valeri was getting closer to saying something that she knew would bring down the mood, yet was also more than certain had to be said, for her sake if nothing else. Still, it took long enough that, by the time it was shared, the two were already getting ready to go to bed… at which point, Valeri very conspicuously followed Bryn into the latter’s room, rather than the guests’ one. Sensing an opening, the latter did nothing to stop the former; if her friend wanted the closer company of a warm body for the night, then werewolfess wasn’t about to say no, especially during such a critical moment in their night; maybe, if she played her cards right, Bryn would find out what was causing all of Valeri’s transformative problems, at which point the two could have a proper heart-to-heart, resolve their issues, and hopefully work together towards a solution. Nevertheless, they mostly worked in silence, changing clothes for their nightly ones and doing their best not to deliberately ogle at one another; not that they weren’t aware of what their bodies were like, given the communal showers at the gym, but it felt… different. It was one thing to bathe after a long workout, covered in sweat and just wanting to get rid of it at the end of several long hours; it was a public place as well, so even in cases where they were the only ones in there, it still served as a limiter of sorts, constantly reminding them that, at any time, someone could walk in. There, however, in the privacy of Bryn’s home, the chances of that taking place were downright non-existent, and it being a bedroom didn’t make things better either; there were voices in their heads, voices which were always there and had to be constantly pushed back to avoid having them take over, voices which made it difficult for the two women to focus on what they actually had to do. Voice that told them that maybe they should relax, get in bed together, and let fate take the wheel, along with copious amounts of hormones and the raw arousal of a million breeders put together and turned up to eleven thousand. Voices which made the prospect of holding one another throughout the night feel like the least they could do, the absolute tamest course of action possible, regardless of the fact that they’d never done anything of the sort before; perhaps it was animalistic attraction, maybe it was Bryn’s unique biology making the whole room smell deeply of pheromones whose sole purpose was to activate one’s libido, or perhaps, at the end of the day, they just cared deeply for one another and had long-yearned for an opportunity to make that as clear as they could, but had never quite gotten the chance to do so. There, behind a closed door, itself behind a locked door, no one could interrupt them, no one could tell them to stop, and no one could really do anything to stop them from experiencing one another like they were always meant to… nothing but the ongoing issues which lay at the heart of the matter, strangling Valeri’s arousal with far too much regret and confusion for her to truly appreciate what should’ve otherwise been a transcendental moment. She hurt, and it wasn’t Bryn’s fault; thus, it was selfish to involve her friend in problems and matters that were of no concern to them, when it was entirely on her for being too weak to handle things herself. Thus, when realizing that the two of them had been staring at one another for a good minute or so, Valeri yanked her head back down, forcing herself to stare at her pajamas before throwing herself onto the king-sized bed and promptly pulling the sheets over herself, lying sideways while facing the wall. Bryn, so convinced that they were close to a breakthrough, sighed quietly as she finished putting on her nightgown, figuring that she’d have a shot or two at breaking through Valeri’s defences before having to concede and try to fall asleep. She didn’t lie down, nor did she tug on the sheets herself; rather, she sat on the bed, her back to the wooden board at the head on of it, with one hand on top of Valeri’s head. They were warm, deliciously so, but that wasn’t why the hand was there; it was there to let them know that they were safe, and if please, if they wanted to talk to someone, please, they had Bryn there. No regrets, no concerns, no judgements; all Valeri had to do was talk, and her friend would listen, as things should be. It still took a while, as well as a couple of dry sobs that made it clear that opening up wasn’t just something the amazon could do; she certainly wanted to, and part of her kept yelling at her that she wasn’t being selfish for sharing, but downright idiotic for not doing so, but it was… hard. It was hard to leave herself so vulnerable, even when she knew for a fact that of all the people on the planet, Bryn was likely the one most qualified to help her; it wasn’t a matter of being intellectually aware of anything at all, but rather how it was processed and how she managed to power through it. Not the easiest task in the world.

“It’s when I’m mad.”

“Hmm?” Bryn automatically hummed back, surprised at the sudden choice of words.

“The changing, it… it’s when I’m mad,” Valeri clarified, slowly turning to face her friend with an exhausted look on her face, “I thought I could control it, but whenever I get pissed off, it just… it just happens, you know? Either that or when I’m terrified by something; give me a spook and I’ll just fucking get set off or something, I dunno… I’m sorry, I sh-”

“Shut up, dummy.”

The words were stern, their choice deliberate, their tone even more so. The look Bryn gave her friend, however, was nothing if not supportive: a warm smile, one that spoke to them the words “It’s fine” repeated eternally, as if to make Valeri know that despite everything, in spite of everything, they were still safe. They were still okay.

“You don’t need to apologize,” Bryn carried on, “I invited you over for a reason. We’re friends, aren’t we? You don’t need to worry about being a burden; I’ll gladly carry you for as long as you need to go.”

“Bryn…”

“And if you cry, fuck you, so will I!” - there was already a tear forming in the corners of the werewolfess’ eyes - “So for your sake and mine, don’t. Just… ok, you say it happens when you get mad?”

“... o-or scared, yes,” Valeri eventually replied, sniffling slightly and doing her best to fight back tears; thankfully, there was something else entirely to focus on, “like one time someone crashed out of a window on the ground floor because another shifter had a spat, and I was so fucking shocked that I just transformed right there and then. Other times it’s just…”

“Stuff you used to be able to deal with, but now every time someone brings it up you just get so fucking pissed that you can’t help it?”

“God yes” - for once, Valeri looked relieved, her expression softening as she realized Bryn could truly empathize with an experience that was so dreadfully familiar and personal to her - “Like, I can’t even use the subway anymore? It was a pain in the ass and I always hated it, it was always fucking crowded and I couldn’t stand it, but every day I just sorta-”

“Grinned and beared it?”

“To some extent. Now though, just the thought is enough to set me off; I had to start walking to work, since I don’t really fit in cars that I can afford, and it’s been an absolute pain in the ass, let me tell you.”

“Which only-”

“Makes it worse, yup.”

“A pickle,” Bryn mused, still with a smile on her face, “but an actual pickle. It’s a thing, we can work with it; it’s not this… nebulous whatever, you know? Anger management is part and parcel of being a shifter, I used to be exactly like that until I took meditation classes. It was pain, especially during the full moon, but now look at me!”

“... I’m s-”

“Don’t” - Bryn punctuated this by giving Valeri a playful bap on the forehead - “Listen, this was good progress already, okay? We know what the problem is now, and honestly? Everyone has it, it’s not just you. It’s hard, it’s gonna take a lot of work, and I’m not gonna tell you that it’s just gonna be magically fine with minimal effort; we’re gonna be going at this for a while, and you’re not gonna see results for a couple of weeks at best, so we’re also gonna need to run some lifestyle changes, but trust me, Valeri.”

Bryn leaned forward, daring to plant a smooch on her friend’s forehead.

“It’ll be alright in the end. You just gotta power through.”

Two smiles. No words were exchanged beyond this point, though, in all honesty, any would just spoil the moment. It hardly mattered what either of them said when the promise made was already more powerful than anything else their tired brains could come up with that late at night; thus, the two amazons resolved to try and get a good night’s sleep, firmly believing that, come morning, they could start working on their grandest project yet. Valeri, in particular, went as far as to physically pull a one-eighty spin, going from facing the wall to all-but snuzzling directly into Bryn’s neck, the biggest and stupidest grin on her face. The werewolfess, for her part, gladly accepted her new role as the little spoon, doing her best to try and be the soft, warm, and inviting pillow that Valeri very clearly needed. With that, they would eventually be lulled to sleep, their minds powering down and their bodies reaching a state of minimal equilibrium as they drifted off into dreamland, sure to find nothing but the best that their imagination could offer. And indeed, for Bryn, this meant almost immediately being plunged in the sort of fantastical sensual scenarios that she would never, at any point, reveal to anyone for fear of the embarrassment that it would cause… scenarios which now involved a certain someone glued to her in the real world. Hers was a good night, and bound to be the best, had it not been for the unfortunate reality that simple words were not enough to fully turn Valeri over. The other giantess was certainly a lot calmer after the short conversation, and had fallen asleep truly and sincerely believing things were going to be better, but she was still herself, and she still had to deal with a great many unfortunate realities when it came to her fears and anxieties. It wasn’t the first time she had that nightmare, nor would it be the last as far as she was concerned; her fears manifested in one horrendous scene that she dared not speak of, not even to herself, a mental image of such terrifying power that to merely think of it would be enough to trigger a transformation. She saw herself as she would be: an uncontrollable, mindless animal guided entire by rage and fear, incapable of holding herself in check no matter how much effort she put into it… and, in seeing herself so, she became such a beast, her body unable to prevent the “sight” from triggering a transformation in the waking world. Rudely awakened, Valeri went straight from unconscious to pissed off and bestial within a second, bypassing groggy and just merely “awake” to head right on down to the worst of herself that she could possibly be; moments after, Bryn would wake up as well, when her body felt like it was being crushed in Valeri’s grip, a yelp escaping from her before she realized what was going on.

“Valeri!” she shouted at the top of her lungs, no effort being made to conceal the terror in her voice, “Valeri, stop!”

It was no use. There was no Valeri in there, at least not anymore; if Bryn wanted anything to happen, she was going to have to take matters into her own hands… which was easier said than done, given that the amazon beside her was hulking out and already about twice as big as they normally were, the bed creaking menacingly with the sudden increase in weight. The thrashing would begin soon, both of Valeri’s hands clamping down hard on the werewolfess as the giantess made short work of the sheets, the mattress, the bed frame itself, grunting and groaning in agony as the visions continued to pour through her head. Valeri was gone, but the creature that remained was still beset by the same nightmares, the same horrors that the amazon’s mind had cooked up, and as a result, it too suffered; it too was in pain, grimacing and begging for help in the only way that it knew how, leaving them to turn Bryn into a ragdoll with how easily they moved her around. Bryn herself was lucky that her body was as sturdy as it was, otherwise she’d have been looking at multiple torn ligaments or even a few broken bones; she was, thankfully, made of sturdy enough stuff that she survived the initial onslaught, seizing the opportunity granted by the small reprieve before the next one to wriggle free from Valeri’s hands and turn around to face the bestial young woman. Sore all over and already feeling the pain from being handled as roughly as she had been, it was nonetheless critical that she keep her mind focused on what had to happen: namely, getting both her hands on Valeri’s face and squeezing it hard enough to control where it was looking at, forcing her friend to stare at her and nothing else.

“Valeri!” Bryn shouted, paying no heed to the fact that the hulked-out monster underneath her was already trying to pull at her back again in an effort to get her off of them, “Valeri, please, I know you’re hearing me! Valeri, stop! I don’t care what you’re doing, stop! You’re safe!”

It was a command as much as it was a request (or supplication, to be more accurate); appealing to some “better judgement” wouldn’t work on Valeri now that they’d completely lost control of themselves, but outright barking out an order might just do something. At least, Bryn recalled it worked for her back when she still had her episodes; it was precisely someone having the spine to step up and demand that she stop that forced her to do so, even if the rampage resumed a few minutes later when said person turned out to not really have a follow-up plan. But after what had happened that night, after all the effort the two went through to be honest with one another, Bryn wasn’t about to give up so easily. She may not have a plan beyond getting Valeri to stop, but she was good enough at improvising that she figured she could get away with coming up with one as she went along; thus, her continuing to grab hold of her friend’s face, with her own a mere inch or two away, her voice already hoarse from the effort of screaming so loudly.

“Valeri, stop! Everything is fine! You’re safe! No one’s going to hurt you! Stop!”

The expression of raw anger didn’t change… but the rest of the amazon did. Much like with the werewolfess herself, the other giantess suddenly stopped, her whole body freezing mid-motion; they weren’t at all more relaxed, with their muscles very clearly being tensed up and ready to go at a moment’s notice, but they had stopped moving entirely, giving Bryn a much-needed opening in which to do… something. There was no plan there, no multiple steps to follow once that break was accomplished; as far as the mistress of the house cared, just being able to put a stop to the budding rampage was good enough, with the issues that came with it only then becoming apparent. But, as she stared down into Valeri’s eyes, as the two looked at one another as opposite sides of the same bestial coin, the more the obvious way out became evident; to a certain extent, Bryn didn’t want to go there, as it felt somewhat dirty, inappropriate even, to do so under those circumstances. On the other hand, they were in the same room for a reason, they had spent the day together already, and everything else pointed in that direction already, as it had for a long enough time that it bordered on the downright ridiculous. In truth, if ever there was a time when Bryn was perfectly justified in doing something like that, it was right there and then. It was, ultimately, the best tool she had to put a stop to it all before it went truly out of control: a kiss.

It was so simple, yet it worked wonders. The two were already close enough that all it took was Bryn moving her head forward just the slightest bit for their lips to meet, at which point the outside world seemed to disappear into a haze, no longer important or relevant. Bryn was only vaguely aware of Valeri’s body finally relaxing, the throbbing musculature on the amazon growing softer and less vascular as the amount of strength placed behind each motion was slowly lowered until it reached levels that regular folk could withstand. Likewise, she only felt the tight grip lessen on her in a very distant sense, since it ceased mattering the moment Valeri returned her kiss; it was very clearly automatic at first, given that most of the giantess was still operating on instinct alone, but as it carried on, as the two kept the moment going, more of the amazon’s true self began returning. Valeri was there again, banging against the sides of her cage, begging to be let out… before realizing that she was the one who was supposed to be in charge there, and outright blasting her way through the bars keeping her locked away in the back of her own head. It was her body, and she wasn’t about to have it be taken away from her, not at such a crucial moment; she wasn’t going to let a shitty goddamned nightmare get in the way of her and Bryn finally doing something that they’d be dreaming of for goodness knows how long, and she certainly wasn’t about to give up trying to fight back against her monstrous side. She’d made a promise to Bryn, even if not explicitly, and now was her first chance to live up to it and prove that she could control herself, prove that she was stronger than her own impulses. So she fought, digging her way up from the very depths of her psyche, forcing her other side down and kicking it deeper into the pits whenever it tried to claw its way back up. She, Valeri, was the one in charge there, and if this primal half of her wanted to disagree, then it was welcome to try and dethrone her, because she certainly wasn’t about to give up the seat at the helm. Not now, not ever again, not with Bryn at her side and so willing to finally consummate their feelings for one another. It was a glorious awakening, coming back to reality and finding herself in control of her own body again; or rather, it certainly would be, if she didn’t have better things to worry about. It would’ve been lovely to stretch out, to get up from her bed and to look at herself in the mirror, to admire her musculature and see how it rippled and bulged, to look upon herself and see the true picture of might. But that was nothing; anyone could do that, anyone could swing open a wardrobe door and use their eyes… and besides, she could do that at any point of the day, really. But there? And now? With Bryn in her arms, locked deeply in a tongue-filled kiss, moaning and murring as they practically begged for her to not go away again? How could she possibly deny this moment?

So she kissed back. For real this time, not just because her body was acting on its own and knew that it was “supposed” to return the kiss; she did so because she wanted to do it, because it was the right thing to do, because Bryn deserved it. She did it because her body was her own again, and no one would ever take it from her again; there might be lapses, sure, and it would be disingenuous to claim she’d never lose control again, but a promise was made to regain it at all costs, and a promise would be kept, no matter what had to happen. This Valeri knew, and this Valeri made sure to let Bryn know as well: through her arms, wrapped around them, through her lips, passionately pressed against theirs, through her warmth, shared.

She was calm. She was herself.

And they had the whole night left.