Unintended Cultivator: Epilogue (final-ish)
Added 2023-06-01 18:21:37 +0000 UTCTo the west of Tide’s Reach, in what was normally a quiet little town that no one cared overly much about, a story was spreading. As so many such stories begin, this tale started with a wandering cultivator. In some tellings, this cultivator was a figure of legendary size, driving other men to their knees with the implacable strength of his arms. In other versions, the cultivator was a youth so handsome that he stole the heart of every woman he met. Yet, he was also of such profound virtue that he did not take advantage of even one. Still others claimed that his very eyes were touched by the gods, and the wicked would weep blood when they faced his baleful gaze.
For reasons no one understood, the mayor, a minor noble rumored to have committed many dark deeds, sent scores of men after the cultivator. The cultivator, kind and virtuous though he was, had honed his martial prowess on some distant field of war. He cut those villains down like a scythe in a field of ripe wheat. Some said that he carried a jian of a make so fine no other blade could hope to stand against it. Others claimed he bore a great spear forged of a thunderstorm’s own might and fury. A bold few claimed that he carried both, wielding stormy death in one hand and cutting vengeance in the other as he struck down the wicked and defended the elderly.
The story grew and changed, as all such stories will, but a few facts held, complete and unvarnished, in every telling. Corruption had taken root in Orchard’s Reach. Fell deeds were committed in the night, on orders from the wicked mayor. Finally, judgment had sent its emissary, robed in blue, to scour the town clean. And, when his work was done and the guilty punished, the cultivator vanished. Some believed he had been a true divine spirit, tasked with the singular goal of redeeming this one town. Others believed that he was sent elsewhere, like a swift and terrible wind, to bring the rebuke of the heavens down on those who strayed from the righteous path. A very few, possessed perhaps of less imagination than their neighbors, said that he simply moved on, as all wandering cultivators do.
So, the story spread from caravan driver to city guard, from city guard to winehouse attendant, from winehouse attendant to noble servant, and finally, into the ears of the very cream of society itself. Most scoffed at this tale of divine retribution, saying it was nothing but a wandering cultivator’s vengeance. Yet, a few, the young, the imaginative, the hopeful, seized on this tale of a blue-clad servant of the heavens. And so, a new hero was born, softly, quietly, in the hearts and minds of the people. A cultivator with the mandate of the heavens, who would come when the corrupt had gone too far. A man with no known name or family, only a whispered title. Judgment’s Gale.
This ends Volume 1 of Unintended Cultivator. Sen will return in Volume 2.
Comments
seems like a good epilogue
PloofDoodle
2023-06-07 05:13:30 +0000 UTCI did play with the time element a tiny bit. But, I only did that because the readers understand what a massive disconnect there is between Sen, the wandering cultivator who's a lot more interested in enlightenment than face slapping, and Judgment's Gale, the folk hero who smites the corrupt with the heavens mandate.
Eric Dontigney
2023-06-07 04:02:58 +0000 UTCI thought the epilogue was nice, it's a start to a legend I can really root for. One thing that does stick out occasionally though, is some blurry alluring to the future. At least, further along than Sens pov has progressed so far. It can take me out of the story a bit when the prose makes me feel like the entire thing is some kind of retelling. (This chapter wasn't really that, but almost) Personally, I like to imagine I'm walking with the mc into an unknown future, instead of reliving the past. It makes the story feel real to me. But of course, that's only my opinion, and fair play to any alternate story telling methods.
Leonard Marchant
2023-06-07 03:56:31 +0000 UTCI really liked this and think it's well worth adding. It illustrates the difference between Sen and other wandering cultivators. It adds further depth to the world. Also i really want to see a scene where these rumours reach his teachers and falling leaf.
M.S.McGowan
2023-06-05 18:20:13 +0000 UTCThis is nice but I don’t think it adds anything to the story. If there was some detail in this that hints at the larger workings of the world, then I would say keep it. Maybe if some yet unnamed character hears of this rumor, or something like that. But right now it’s just flavor text and honestly rumors aren’t particularly interesting or even funny. If there were some details that got wildly twisted or if he got some edgy nickname, then it would be interesting. To give an example from a series I’ve been reading: the Raven Queen in A Practical Guide to Sorcery would be an example of a rumor that plays an important role in plot progression. Just my two cents.
ParadoxFox
2023-06-02 06:45:06 +0000 UTCOh, it's a fun bit of writing, but the more I think about it, the less I like it for any purpose. It can live in on as a kind of bonus content for the people here, but I'm not sure it would really improve the reading experience of the first book in any substantive way.
Eric Dontigney
2023-06-01 21:56:58 +0000 UTCI think this is a great epilogue. How others view the situation is important. To make it better, maybe you could have a more down to earth epilogue where there are people talking in hushed tones in a bar? That would be more in line with the tone of the story. Even if you don't improve it, I think an epilogue like this should be included.
Stephen Weinberg
2023-06-01 21:30:31 +0000 UTCThat is fair. This portion almost feels like a way of showing "what's past is prologue." The first book in its entirety feels like something of a prologue to the story from here on out, and this part seems like a narrative summation of that. Either way, I like it.
SkySeeker (definitely not Lauren K in a mask)
2023-06-01 19:37:01 +0000 UTCIt works better as an epilogue then a prologue.
TheLunaticCo
2023-06-01 18:56:31 +0000 UTCThe sort of meta-joke is that for the small town, these events were huge. For everyone else, even Sen to some extent, they just don't matter that much.
Eric Dontigney
2023-06-01 18:42:24 +0000 UTCThere's a grain of truth in that epilogue idea. I thought about ending vol 1 with a very tonally different version of something like the prologue above, but then I asked myself, "Why?" Everybody literally just finished reading that book. A tiny, somewhat farcical recap at the beginning of vol 2, though, might provide some benefit for people who, down the road, may read these books with a serious gap in time between them.
Eric Dontigney
2023-06-01 18:40:24 +0000 UTCThis is one of the problems with handing out chapters piecemeal. I know what the first sentence of the next chapter is going to be while you don't. So, let me give it to you (or some poor unpolished version of it) and see if it changes your perspective on the prologue: On a beach just outside of Tide's Rest were two cultivators, both wholly unaware that a small town was brimming with ridiculous stories about one of them.
Eric Dontigney
2023-06-01 18:34:07 +0000 UTCI enjoy seeing the occasional perspective others have of the MC
Brayden Webb
2023-06-01 18:33:46 +0000 UTCI like the idea of a summary/prologue. It depends on whether you want his actions to be seen as out of the ordinary on a mortal scale, or a tiny inconsequential corner of a large and vibrant world where they are only relevant as they affect his character development. I go back to the perspective of his teachers on the mountain as a point of contrast. Perhaps showing a bit of both sides of the coin could be a good foil? The impact on mortal lives, compared with the absolute indifference of the world at large.
Jeremiah Paltridge
2023-06-01 18:31:17 +0000 UTCVery nice, though it feels more like an epilogue than a prologue in my view. Thanks for sharing!
SkySeeker (definitely not Lauren K in a mask)
2023-06-01 18:29:44 +0000 UTCI have one stylistic/storytelling concern with the way it's presented. In a world like this one, stories of the actions of cultivators would be fairly widespread, even among mortals. It seems like the mortal perspective would be missing context. Also, the farther you get from a small backwater like Orchard's Reach, the less impact a story of a pissed off wandering cultivator killing an evil mayor would have, given the prevalence of cultivators in larger cities.
Jeremiah Paltridge
2023-06-01 18:27:47 +0000 UTC