Forde Voss: Chapter 1 – Free

So, I've had this idea floating around in the back of my head for a while. I kept wondering, what would happen if the Dark Lord actually won...then got tired of the job down the road? I figured since I was taking a couple days off, I'd write a chapter and see if it worked on paper. What do you guys think? The working title for this is The Chronicles of Forde Voss (Former) Dark Lord. ~Eric

***

Forde Voss sat on his throne, bearded chin propped up on a big fist, surveying the opulent throne room. He did it more out of habit than anything else. Nothing in the throne room ever changed. The black marble floors were still black marble, and still polished to a high mirror shine, although Voss had no earthly idea why anyone thought that was a good use of human resources. Two of the walls were home to massive murals depicting Voss himself in absurd, overblown heroic poses. In one, he was standing with his head held high, foot planted on the back of some general or another, black sword raised high and wreathed in fire. In the other, he was riding a pitch-black stallion, by himself, against the massed forces of someone or other. He couldn’t really remember anymore. Most of those battles had been over five hundred years ago. The artists had claimed that they were accurate depictions from two of his key triumphs over the forces of good. He’d just grunted something noncommittal and let them get on with it. He knew for a fact that he’d always worn some kind of head protection. Cultivator or not, the brain was a weak point. He was also pretty sure he’d remember charging headlong into an enemy army by himself.

There were other treasures scattered around the room. Some of them were valuable armor he’d taken from enemies. Some were natural treasures that, sadly, were of no use to him but made a statement to lesser cultivators who were honored with an audience about his vast wealth. Voss honestly thought it was a stupid waste. Surely there was someone who could put those damn things to use. They just aggravated him with ongoing insistence on not being helpful for his advancement. Precious metals were wasted on things like filigree on the ceilings. After what he estimated had to be at least his twenty thousandth examination of the room, he felt like that he should have gotten some kind of enlightenment from it. He vaguely recalled someone saying something about ten thousand repetitions conferring mastery. It seemed to him that doubling that number ought to confer something more. He glanced upward at the stupid, expensive filigree, a tiny bit of hope in his heart, but nothing happened. Voss sighed. The real problem was that he was bored. He had been bored for a long time.

As though the man had cultivated the power to sense when Forde Voss was bored, and Voss found himself wondering if that’s exactly what had happened, his secretary appeared. The secretary was a spare man who had been rendered beautiful by the magic of cultivation. He sported a closely cropped goatee and long, dark hair. This was set off by a pair of ice blue eyes that never missed anything. Long, elegant fingers held a pile of paperwork. Voss gave the paperwork a baleful look before giving his secretary an annoyed glare.

“Evan,” said Voss.

“Yes, Dark Lord.”

“Evan, how long have you been my personal secretary?”

“Approximately two hundred years, Dark Lord.”

“Don’t you think it’s time you addressed me by my name? Either of them would be fine. They’re easy to remember. One syllable each.”

“That would be inappropriate, Dark Lord.”

“For God’s sake, why?”

“Because you are the Dark Lord. Appearances must be maintained.”

“You’re going to stick with that, aren’t you?”

“I’m afraid so, Dark Lord.”

“Fine,” said an exasperated Voss. “Is there anything in that pile of paperwork I’m going to care about?”

“I don’t believe so,” said Evan. “Wait, yes, near the bottom. There is a report that will likely interest you.”

“Then why is at the bottom?”

“If I put it at the top, you’d ignore the rest, Dark Lord.”

“It's annoying that you know that."

"I'm sure it is, sir."

“I don’t suppose there’s a popular uprising somewhere? A dire plot? A hero on a holy quest to unseat me?”

“Not that I’m aware of, sir.”

“Kids these days. Their great-great-grandparents really knew how to throw an uprising. Do you think they’re just lazy?”

“No. I suspect they just have other interests.”

Voss leaned back in his throne and drummed his fingers on the arm of the heavily gilded armrest.

“Do you think I should encourage-,” Voss started to say, only to have Evan cut him off.

“Certainly not, Dark Lord.”

Voss gave Evan a long-suffering look and held out a hand. The secretary handed over the paperwork and vanished back to whatever office the man had assigned himself. Voss didn’t really believe in micromanaging competent people. He started making himself read through the paperwork. Most of it was simply reports. Some on military readiness, not that there’d been much fighting the last few centuries. Then were a series of reports on projected harvests for the year, production estimates for various state-owned and private industrial concerns, and a report of a sea monster obstructing fishing vessels off the western coast. Voss sat up straight at that. That could be interesting. He hadn’t fought a sea monster in ages. His shoulders slumped when he flipped to the second page and discovered that someone had already been dispatched to fight it. Damnable efficient bureaucracy, he complained bitterly to himself.

He’d gotten most of the way through the stack when he came across the report that had Evan had mentioned. He was eagerly digging into it when the doors to the throne room burst open and a bloodied group of cultivators stormed in. Voss eyed them curiously as they strode toward him with a purpose. The one in front was a square-jawed man with blonde hair and steel gray eyes. He thrust a finger at Voss.

“Forde Voss, your evil reign is about to come to an end.”

Voss sat up straight on the throne. Wait, he thought, could it be?

“You’re here to overthrow me?” he asked, trying to keep the eagerness out of his voice.

The question seemed throw off the blonde hero, who took a second to recover.

“We are!” he thundered in what Voss suspected was a hero voice that the man had practiced.

“Well,” said Voss. “Well, this is just…this is…this is fantastic! It’s all yours, kid!”

Voss jumped up out of the throne, feeling more invigorated than he had in centuries. He dusted off the seat and turned to the face the group, who all looked like they thought he was about to spring some terrible trap on them.

“I don’t understand,” said the blonde kid.

“You said you’re here to overthrow me. Consider me overthrown. I have to tell you, dark lording was not all it was cracked up to be. I mean, sure, it was fun at first. I got to build a society and all that, but once you finish all of that big picture stuff, do you know what happens?”

A dark-haired woman with a profoundly perplexed look on her face finally spoke. “What?”

“Committees. There is nothing more tedious than committees. I mean, you put a bunch of people in a room who, supposedly, are all interested in the same thing, and then they bicker with each other like old, married people. Well, you know what? You can have it. Here, you’ll need these,” said Voss, thrusting the pile of papers in the group’s general direction.

The group took a collective step back.

“What are those?” demanded the blonde usurper.

“Reports. Crop reports. Military reports. There’s a sea monster out west that some overambitious army officer is going to have a lot of fun killing. The bastard. Anyway, you’re going to have to read these if you want to have any idea what’s going on in the empire. That reminds me. Evan!”

The secretary marched back into the throne room, eyed the intruders curiously, and then turned to face Voss. “Yes, Dark Lord?”

“Blonde guy over there has overthrown me. You’re going to need to get him up to speed,” said Voss, tossing the paperwork onto throne.

“Of course, Dark Lord.”

Voss reconsidered for a moment before he searched through the paper and plucked out the report he’d been reading.

“Wait!” said blonde guy. “What’s that?”

“Education report. I put a lot of work into that school system,” said Voss absently, skimming over the rest of the report.

The dark-haired woman piped up again. “Yeah. Why did you do that? It was kind of, you know, not evil.”

Voss shrugged.

“Reading and math are important. An illiterate society is bad for everybody. Besides, evil is a sliding scale. Anyway, that’s all your headache now,” said Voss, putting the report on the top of the pile. “I’ll see you around.”

“We can’t just let you leave. We have to kill you,” said the stunned and baffled blonde guy.

Voss and Evan traded a look and burst into laughter.

“You never had a chance of doing that,” said Voss. “Not even with that artifact you think you’ve got hidden in that storage ring. Son, I madethat artifact. I promise you that you can’t kill me with it. But, I can damn sure dump this entire mess onto your heads. Good luck running the empire,” said Voss.

He gave them all a casual wave as he walked out the throne room laughing like a madman. Once he was out of sight, he sprinted to his private quarters, grabbed a bag that he’d carefully prepared for a moment like this, a bag that had everything he needed in it, and threw it over a shoulder.

“Free,” he whispered in joy.

With a burst a qi, Voss blew out a huge window. He stepped up onto the window frame and took in a deep breath of the chilly spring air.

“I’m finally free,” he said.

Voss flew away from the window high in the palace, laughing all the way. One of the palace guards pointed up at the fleeing dark lord.

“Hey, Stephen, check that out.”

“Oh,” said Stephen, “looks like the Dark Lord is finally making his escape. Hey, who’s in charge of the pool? Someone just made a bundle.”

Back in the throne room, Evan gave the blonde guy a patient look. “Dark Lord, I really will need you to review that paperwork. There are several committees tomorrow where you’ll have to decide on grain allocation, military pay, and what to do about the sea monster if the expedition fails to kill it.”

The blonde guy traded baffled looks with his companions. “Does anyone understand what just happened here?”